To know how to play my cards?

[Harmonysg85]

Sorry, this is only a week on from my last thread but really needing support & guidance 😑.. To cut a really long story short, had an awful pregnancy (14 month old to look after, 3 jobs, house on market, huge commutes, health issues, lack of support, lockdown 🤦‍♀️..) and partner left last week. Within 24 hours he signed for a new place (6 month contract) & I thought that was it. For nearly 5 years I have financially supported him. I can count on one hand the months he’s been able to contribute financially to this household.

All the bills, mortgage etc are in my name. Finally the job situation has been sorted and he has been able to sort himself out. But as I’m the higher earner, everything has just been left in my name/to me.

Because I finish work early, I have done all of the food shops & ended up just paying for them. Initially, for the first couple of months, he contributed to bills & food. Following that he has kept his money, made purchases without consulting with me, been generally financially unavailable again & not open with where his money has gone. He HAS paid the nursery fees which is the one area I have asked him to step up. I’m just distraught now, because he has moved out saying the pressure of everything was too much but he loves me and wants to build our relationship from scratch again making it stronger. He has set up counselling for us and visited nearly every day telling me he loves me & trying to romance me again. The problem is, the one time I now need him he has put his money elsewhere.

I am around the corner from maternity leave and it was his turn to financially take over during these few months so I could have a leave and enjoy the first few months with my two babies! He’s now committed most of his monthly earnings to his new property so I have no choice but to cut my maternity leave short and go back to work prematurely.

I know this has become a financial thread but I’m equally mortified at this plan to waltz in for half an hour a day, kiss the babies, make a cup of tea, have a nice park date for an hour at the weekend then go back to his bachelor pad whilst I cope juggling my 3 jobs/doing it all myself whilst heavily pregnant. How can someone who claims to love me do this?!?!?

But how to play my cards- he wants to make things work and as long as I’m nice as pie, show no disgruntlement & say the right things, this is giving me the chance of us being a family but every inch of me inside is screaming...

He's not saying it's over because he wants to have his cake and eat it. It's easy, YOU tell HIM it's over. Get a case started with the child maintenance service and get a claim in for universal credit. Don't let him use you anymore, don't factor him into your decisions, your finances or your choices. Because he clearly didn't factor you into his. If he wanted to work things out he wouldn't have moved out. He'd have given you the support you asked for, when you asked for it. There is only one way forward now that won't make you the loser, and that's as an independent single mum.

For a start, he has his contact time with babies at his place, not yours.
Giving you a peaceful break. You split the delivery/collection.

I'd have no truck with his pretence of rebuilding the relationship ; if that was genuine he'd still be with you.

I'd also expect him to put his finacial commitment (sucjh as it is) in writing, backed by a direct debit .

For his family to be so supportive of his actions I'm 99.9% certain he's told them a pack of lies.

@RandomMess

For his family to be so supportive of his actions I'm 99.9% certain he's told them a pack of lies.

I don't know. My first husband was the Golden Child and his parents would have supported him in any twattery. He was also an immature arsehole.

Your husband is unbelievable. Other posters are right, he is a massive shitbag. I think you are well rid. Rather than step up financially and give his heavily pregnant wife some support he moved out. Because of tension in the house, caused by him being totally shit, while expecting you to be ‘nice’ to him to earn him back, organising counselling-ffs, instead of being a good husband and father. Honestly, there is probably someone else, why else would he suddenly sort himself out with a job and move out with a stupid excuse. You don’t have to attend the counselling, or see him and maybe it is best that he gets used to seeing the children on a timetable that suits your family, not him.

It sounds over. I'm so sorry. But you are amazing & you will get through it - you're already proving you can do it on your own. Best of luck x x

You weren't in an adult relationship you were parenting three babies! What a miserable excuse for a responsible parent and partner! Who the hell cares if his family supported him in this moronic setup? He's probably lying through his teeth to them anyways