Does anyone else feel sad...

[Happycat1212]

That they will probably be alone forever now and never meet anyone? I’m so lonely, I’ve been single for 4 years now and I hate that I can’t just go out and meet someone like everyone else (lone parent so no option) any other single parents feel the same and how do you make peace with it??

Sorry if this is a silly question but have you tried online? If you have then I I totally sympathise, even online is hard when you have kids.

I always recommend the FROLO app for single parents, it's a great community.

I met a guy old ? We've been together 15 months now. It can happen.

I’m with my children 24/7 so even if I did old I have no one to have my children so I couldn’t meet anyone anyway. Just feel sad
Really, it’s not how I expected life to be ☹️

Yep. I was single for 7 years. Finally met someone OLD. Fell head over heels. 2.5 years later he told me he was leaving as he hated my DC.
I'm done now. I hate the thought of being alone forever, but my heart can't take any more. So that's it.

How old are you OP? Im a single parent but dip in and out of online dating. I think the key is making peace with yourself and then if you meet someone, then great, if not, then thats ok too. I don't take it too seriously anymore.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Omg, that’s really awful! That puts me off even more.

Eesha

I’m 32 which I know people will say you have plenty of time etc but I don’t agree, it’s hard enough meeting someone in your 30s let alone any older and I wouldn’t be able to date for at least another 10 years.

I separated from xh at 35, so over 10 years ago. I've been single since, but I love it, so not looked for a new relationship. I don't know how to suggest making peace with it, I guess I just never felt I needed anyone, I feel I am enough on my own.

So you don’t get lonely or miss intimacy etc?

Sadness is unattractive. At 32 years young not saying there's plenty of time I'm saying time is on your side and you will meet someone when you are not expecting it. Take the sadness and loss and dump it. Think good and energetic things. Laugh and dance with your dc make yourself happy no man can anyway. Men always have a way of appearing when least expected. I would suggest to focus on yourself.

No no don't go down that road. Yes intimacy is a big loss when single. Get yourself a sex toy. HONESTLY IT WORKS.

I feel like I’m wasting my “best years” though that probably sounds silly but I’ve been single since my late 20s now I’m early 30s I feel like my best years are being wasted and by the time I’m in my 40s it will be much more difficult to meet someone As I get older as most decent men would have been snapped up already!

I think you just get to that stage where you think I' m not waiting anymore. I' m going to live my life and enjoy my life no matter what. Focus on other things such as building a beautiful way of life for you and your child. I spoke to a woman years ago who told me that she wished she hadn't wasted so much time trying to find someone, when her kids were young.

Being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all. There is another way to live and once you grow comfortable with it, and embrace it, finding someone else becomes a lot less important.
Maybe it's different for me, as l was married 20 years, l have enjoyed that experience, no regrets, but this is a time in my life where my sons are now a lot more independent, l have spent the last eight years raising them alone as my husband died, but l have done a good job, l turned life around. I am happily self sufficient, untethered, and it's my time now. It's never your circumstances, it's your attitude. Don't look at being single as a negative, same re being a single parent, the amount of people who say to me " l envy you".
I am open to meeting someone, and eventually l do think l probably will but in the meanwhile life is for living. Everything in life is just a stage, it will coe, and it will go.

Agree with @Tomyoneandonly, sadness isn't attractive and you need to focus on yourself or fake it till you make it. I have a decade on you here Op plus 100% responsibility for my children. Do you have any support at all? I have one wonderful sibling who i could use once a week but no one else I'd trust. You could look at fellow mum friends or babysitting services?

Never too old. My parents both met new partners when they were over 60. I'm a single parent, older than you but I have no plans to date until kids are more independent.

No one has my children at all as I have 4 so no one will look after 4. Not even family. I never get time away or a break. I just thought by my 30s I would be married or at least have a partner. Everyone around me is getting married or already is.

Im guessing baby daddy is not involved? I do feel for you OP but don’t give up. Love is always around the corner (as cheesy as that sounds).

Do you work? Or have any interests?

I hear you OP . Try joining OLD and treat as trying to make new friends. That takes the pressure off a bit . And who knows what might happen. I think chatting to people in the evening s when the kids are in bed helps with the loneliness.

Yes I’ve been single for 10 years. I’ve met people during this time but it never works out because I am not able to meet up with them very regularly so they get frustrated.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Sorry to hear that!

OP I am also in my early 30s with 4 kids and managed to OLD and have now found someone who's amazing and who has just slotted right in. I didn't really think it would be possible, I OLD for about 9 months, really vetted before meeting and was honest from the outset when talking to guys about the kids. I fully appreciated this would put a lot of people off and was pretty relaxed about what I was looking for - tbh I wasn't really looking for anything serious just dating when I had free time . The kids dad has them off hours - like 2-3 hours at a time but I found if guys were really interested it would work. I also have had friends help watching the kids and also on occasion a babysitter. I would try and get a babysitter once a week, even if not for a date to go out with friends and have some time to yourself. I appreciate maybe it will be expensive but if you can afford it I would try to, I feel a whole lot better and reset after a bit of time away as four kids alone is full on even when they are all behaving!

I think you should think about OLD. There are other single parents out there so give it a go!! I met my widowed husband online - it can end well xx

30s are only your best years if you’re looking to have more DCs. To be honest my best years are now - late 40s. DCs are grown up, so I can go out for the evening without needing a babysitter (has been the case for 5/6 years now) and I’m happier in myself, more settled.

I met my DP online in my late 30s. We had a couple of dates using babysitters and then the kids met each other (I know, frowned upon on MN to introduce them before 10 years together!! But as you’ve found, not much of an option to do otherwise when you have your DC 24/7)

I do feel a little sad that if I get married again I won’t be as fresh faced and gorgeous as I was in my 20s, but DP loves and fancies me regardless. He’s no spring chicken either and probably wishes he hadn’t spent the previous 10 years with someone wholly unsuitable too, but he’s grown as a person since meeting me, is more successful at work and in life generally, and we complement each other well.

You don’t sound in a good place emotionally but I wouldn’t discount meeting someone altogether once your head is in a more positive place.

How old are your children?

The thing is my kids don’t go anywhere though, I’m assuming the ones that have managed their ex is involved or have help from family?? My ex isn’t around and my family would never have all 4 kids. I imagine a baby sitter for 4 kids would be extremely expensive? My oldest has autism as well so I would probably struggle for that reason as well. I’m not working as I’m a full time Carer for her. I don’t have any friends that would he them as again you can’t really ask anyone to look after 4 children.