Does anyone else feel sad...

[Happycat1212]

That they will probably be alone forever now and never meet anyone? I’m so lonely, I’ve been single for 4 years now and I hate that I can’t just go out and meet someone like everyone else (lone parent so no option) any other single parents feel the same and how do you make peace with it??

Sorry I missed the ages they are oldest 10 youngest is 3 so I won’t be able to date until the youngest is old enough to be left alone. Hence me saying 10 years.

I have three DC - IME babysitters charge per hour not per child (especially if they're in bed for most of the time).

Also I agree with others that your 20s / early 30s are only your best years from a fertility perspective (ie if you want kids and haven't had them yet). In terms of dating your "best years" are much later! After my grandpa died my grandma was happily dating well into her 70s

Really I would say it gets harder as you get older to date as most people are taken the older you get surely? And the ones that are left usually it’s slim pickings

Could the youngest go to one friend /relative and the two eldest to another?

10 years is a long time to sign up to not having any time for yourself. Not good for you or for your children.

No the only one that has any of them is my mum and then she won’t have all of them. I’m lucky if she has one tbh as that’s rare! I don’t have friends that baby sit

Really I would say it gets harder as you get older to date as most people are taken the older you get surely? And the ones that are left usually it’s slim pickings

But on the other hand, as you get older there are increasing numbers of people around whose first marriages or LTRs didn't work out and not every single one of them is to blame for the failure of the marriage so you could meet a decent and kind person.

Anyway, you are not wasting the best years of your life.
A lot of people are under a lot of pressure in their 30s to find someone and settle down because they haven't had children yet. That's not the case for you - so there isn't that pressing need to find someone. Enjoy your life, enjoy your children, if you meet someone - great! And if it takes a few years to meet someone - so what? You're not under time pressure.

Also, don't waste your 30s on crap men - I did this with 2 shit LTRs and I wish I hadn't. I'm now mid 40s and not looking for anyone. I want to enjoy my life without some shit, controlling arsehole in it.

dating is expensive as a single parent. I have one child and to factor in babysitting costs plus the 'obligatory' paying half to prove you're not a gold digger on dates can work out to a pretty heft cost for dates with what often results in mediocre boring nights out with dull dudes. They mainly don't give a shit about your kids, only themselves and then you end up trying to make an effort in a relationship with them (because we shouldn't be picky right) and before you know it you're shaving your legs and your fanny every other day, feeling stress, paying out a fortune for childcare, telling half truths to your kids as to why you are leaving them for the evening for some potential loser, then even if you manage to go on a date or two you have to deal with their mindfuckery games with not replying to text messages within reasonable times or saying some stupid un empathetic comment, or sending photos of their penis or wondering if they're some sort of psychopathic asshole who could damage you or your children for life. Rinse, repeat. It's so exhausting and boring. I hate dating!

@wobblywinelover what a great summary!!

@wobblywinelover has it nailed 🤣

Thankyou! lol

@wobblywinelover
Absolutely hilarious post (even though sadly true).
Thanks for the laugh

Yes very hard to meet someone when your children are with you 24/7! I'm a single mum to a dd 9 with sen so it's very hard as I don't get any time to myself. I always thought I might try when she's older but I find myself feeling more and more lonely!

I sympathise lollipop my son has SEN too, it's a very lonely life which many people will take advantage of and potentially abuse you because they sniff the vulnerability there. This has happened to me. It's a truly sick world we live in but i've found people (mainly men) have taken this vulnerability from me and used it to their advantage. It's so so difficult xx

Whilst I do feel sorry for anyone who feels lonely, to be writing of any chance of future happiness with someone at the age of 32 is such a shame. After a number of shorter term (but still 3 or 4 year) relationships I met my wife when I was 37 (she was 32) . I felt the luckiest guy around as life still had so much to offer at that age. After 22 years together, she has decided she wants out and has left me to try and pick my life up at the age of 59. That’s hard, that’s when you wonder who is out there for you. Yes my kids have grown up, no I don’t need a babysitter for them , but you worry about there being no one decent left at 32 or when your circumstances change at 40 something. I’m convinced there are, and will be for you. I was one such person, and I have to hope that I can find happiness again. At 32 you really do have most of your life ahead of you. Please don’t give up on finding the happiness with someone you deserve, if that is what you want.

I'm similar to you - single parent with no support and no one to have the kids. I felt like you at 32, a single mum and a bit lonely and fed up. I tried OLD, met someone and had a child but the relationship didn't work out. Now I'm late 30s and love being single. I absolutely refuse to let a man into my children's lives until the youngest is in high school. I'm enjoying my time with my kids and although juggling everything on my own is tough at times I'm glad that I call the shots and make decisions based on what I believe is right or what I want to do.

In about ten years when I'm mid-late forties I'm looking forward to maybe dating again without the angsty pressure to settle down/move in with/marry someone that came with dating in my 20s/early 30s.

But the thing is it isn’t just 32, it will be at least for another 10 years minimum. So I will be well into my 40s by then and I’m concerned about finding someone when every one else has settled down. I’m not sure if I will bother by then and the thought of being alone for the next 10 years does make me feel very sad. I thought by my 30s I would be married, probably never happen now.

wobblywinelover that does make it sound less appealing! I can’t believe the prices baby sitters charge these days! It definitely wouldn’t be affordable 😅

But that’s the thing I do want to get married and live with someone. My ex would never fully commit to me so I’ve never really got to have that experience.

@Firststariseetonight

Never too old. My parents both met new partners when they were over 60. I'm a single parent, older than you but I have no plans to date until kids are more independent.

That is an inspiration! As an on the shelf and feeling v much as op describes 47 year old.. there is always hope I guess .

@wobblywinelover that is exactly it

Tbh I just can't see how a man could add anything worthwhile. A man on the scene would just take up time and energy I don't have.

I’m 43 and my OH of nearly 2 years is currently hogging my bathroom. I’m divorced, so is he. Life (and dating) don’t have to stop at 30!! Yes there are fewer guys without a bit of baggage... but I have a bit of baggage now too! At least I now know what I want and can lay that on the table at date #1. If he isn’t in the same page I can move on.

@wobblywinelover Wins the internet! 👏👏👏

That is the truth OP. @wobblywinelover's post really sums up it up. You're not really missing out on much tbh. I can't believe I cried over my last OLD 'experience'. 😂

@Toriathebadger yes, i'm struggling to see it too. If we were to view them as they view us, then they don't have anything to offer if we're thinking in terms of relationships CV's. I've spent my 30's and 40's giving it my all to bring up a child and keep a decent career going, what have you done bloke? just broke up with your ex and want the company? spent a year and a half on your x box after work and bored? Tried internet dating but nobody wanted to shag you? Got kids you see every other week yet claim the big daddy of the year prize? oh diddums. Well i'm too busy for settle for crumbs Mr Flakey Toast. The imbalance is real and palpable. Busy hardworking single mums will rarely find someone genuine and committed because most of the men are out there 'enjoying' the freedom from escaping or cheating/abusing a single parent doing the very same thing for their own child. Sorry but it's true. The amount of dad's out there climbing mountains, extreme sports, excelling in their careers etc. Think about the women they have left behind to bring up their kids. People like us. No thankyou Mr Mountain man how about stop climbing mountains and spend some of your time being a decent person rather than some egotistical twerp. Face your responsibilities. Okay rant over thanks for listening

Honest question OP from a happy singleton, thinking about it from your point of view (a good friend of mine is stressing a bit like you), why do you think 'everyone else will be settled down' when you reach your 40s?

IME many split up or separate around then , children are older, maybe found they weren't suited to their ex after all, or life circs change but it seems to me that's the age people really start to know what they want.

No thankyou Mr Mountain and some of them aren't even mountain men. I've come across several sexist and or cocklodger loser types, who at the beginning put on a convincing charm/facade of decency, only to crack and show their true colours further down the line.