Cheated for 2 years now he’s madly in love with me

[98xox]

So about 4 years ago I went out with this guy for 2 years and he cheated on me for the whole 2 years I was with him, start to finish.

I would find him asking 20 + girls to meet up for sex and he even took a girl on a date and he would send girls the same nudes he’d send me. He really didn’t care about me finding out but I caught him on many occasions by going into his phone but I decided to stay..

I eventually left him. And we stopped speaking for a year and then got back in contact. We’ve had sex a few times and I’ve allowed him to stop at my flat aswell. I do not want a relationship with him, I am no longer attracted to him and there’s just no spark, we’re very opposite.

He sends me gifts, writes me paragraphs on how much he loves me and how I make him the happiest man ever. How he can’t live without me etc and has been doing this for the past year. He says our year of not speaking made him realise how much he loves me.. he talks about having kids with me and how he has never thought like that about any other girl, he says he wants to marry me. I could go on and on..

He seems to have changed, but I just don’t feel the same way about him the way he does for me..

And he doesn’t just wana be friends

He used to also treat me as his trophy girl back when we used to date, telling me to wear certain clothes etc etc.

The thing is I feel pressured into being with him, and I need to give him my final decision soon. I don’t want to break his heart or hurt him. I’m 22 and he’s 27.

What do I do???

Next time you're lonely or bored read this thread.
This guy only wants you because you're unobtainable. The minute he reels you back in he'll cheat again.

He is in it for the hunt, the minute he feels secure he will be looking for others.

He will say anything, try any way in, to get you to 'surrender' and then you will be old news. Read up on love bombing.

You are young find more stable lovers. He might be charismatic, interesting etc. but it's an egoboost for himself.

Yep i think you should cut ties. You feel nothing for him but call and text him when bored which doesn't help the situation for anyone. Do you actually want him in your life as a friend?
You say you need to 'make your final decision soon', have you given some sort of deadline? If not, I would tell him ASAP and cut contact, so you can both move on.

As soon as you have sex with him (he only wants what he cannot have) he'll be off with other women.
Ditch him. Don't waste any more time on him. Plenty more fish in the sea.

If you're for real, you really need to consider therapy. What you're doing is like self-harm. To channel Atilla for a moment, what did you learn about relationships growing up?

It seems like your self-esteem and sense of your own value and identity are really not where they should be, and you're being guilted and pressured into a relationship and sex you don't want.

You need to tell this guy to bugger off, and end all contact with him.

When you're bored and lonely, you need to contact friends or the Samaritans or go for a run or eat a trifle or something. Do you have anyone in your life you could ask for support (like having a sponsor if you were in AA) so you could phone them instead when you're tempted to get in touch with him?

To add to my post above, it seems to me that your shark cage is pretty busted up (please read the shark cage analogy here: www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/). Although this article talks about spotting abusers, it is also relevant for learning good boundaries to have generally, which you seem to be missing.

According to him now I’m perfect, I’m a goddess, I have no faults. It’s weird.

Black and white thinking (google) ... it's never good and never ends well for the target.

This is ridiculous.

You are not obligated to be with him.

You don’t have to have sex with men who repulse you, you don’t have to be nice to men just because, and you don’t have to be with someone you don’t want to be with.

No. End of discussion.

OMG. 22?? Run away.

he talks about having kids with me and how he has never thought like that about any other girl, he says he wants to marry me

Of course he does. I highly suspect that if you marry him, you will have unknowingly signed a deal which says you also accept cheating, which you don't. He's looking for the nearest trophy wife that will put up with him and he can tie down. He sounds like an impulsive kind of person, and I'm afraid that's just a liability in relationships. You're not even attracted to him. You might be more attractive to him now because he wants what he doesn't have.

His attempts are understandibly tugging at your heart. It's hard to let go but I think it's best here.

[quote 98xox]@ohfourfoxache I feel like I’m letting him down. He tries to include me in his future so much like him getting his own flat so we can spend more time together, me and him travelling 😭[/quote]
It's all words. He showed you his actions before ! Stop communicating with him.

22? You are incredibly immature. The fact that you are asking this, you shouldn't be looking for a relationship.

I agree with AnyFucker above.

He is not in love with you. This isn't what healthy love looks like. This is a challenge for him, you're a game he's become obsessed with because you keep resisting.

Stop seeing him, stop contacting him. Delete his number from your phone. You are clearly weak and vulnerable, you stayed with him through his cheating and aren't strong enough to turn him down for good. He's seeing an opportunity to control a young woman. Don't see it as this flattering romantic approach, I think he's dangerous.

You need to:

1. Make some friends, other people you can turn to if needed
2. Get out more, stop being so available
3. Get some help for your self esteem

None of the above is easy but once he realises you're not alone and you're living your own life, he may back off.

@ohfourfoxache

Run and don’t look back

I hope you read this OP!!

He sounds like a bullshitter.

You must be loving the drama to keep this going!!

@98xox He is controlling you with his manipulative behaviour.

Get rid of him and block him everywhere. Everything about him screams abuser. Absolutely no one is perfect, and he is idealising you to lure you back into a relationshit.

Your emotional well-being and mental health is at stake here.

Please don't be with him because he's guilted you into a relationship. You will find it harder to get out of and the more you allow this cycle to continue, the more you will suffer.

You have to go absolutely no contact with him. He is not safe to be with.

@Sunflower1970

You must be loving the drama to keep this going!!

Agreed.

If you don’t want to be with him and you’re not attracted to him then end it, don’t call him when you’re bored and don’t have him round and sit close enough for him to be “humping” you.

🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

You don't fancy him. You don't like him. You don't trust him.

Why on earth are you considering a relationship with this person?

You say you don't fancy him, that you aren't getting back with him.

But you are posting here.

Why?

I despair sometimes at the amount of crap some women take. The fact that you are the one calling him and sleeping with him whilst supposedly not even liking him after the way he treated you is mind-blowing

he fucked you over, could have given you any amount of diseases, played with your heart, and you dont love him or even fancy him that much. Im not sure why you are finding it so hard to tell him to piss off?

You need a hobby, when you’re bored you do that instead of ring him. Tell him you’re not attracted to him anymore and the thought of sex with him makes you cringe.

Just tell him to get lost, it really is that simple. You dont want him- he only wants you as you are not very interested so he’s chasing you until he is bored then he’ll be back chasing others. I really wouldnt waste any more of your time on him.

What in your childhood/life has made you think you have to appease a man and do whatever he wants you to do?

Get Rid.