My head is all over the place this morning and I am just looking for some kind of understanding of what on earth is happening.
I'm in a long distance relationship, and my DP had an emotional affair with a woman who he spent a lot of time with in my absence. He said they were just friends, but it crossed multiple lines of emotional intimacy and went on for a long time.
She confessed she was in love with him, he said he didn't feel the same, broke it off and confessed all to me saying he really regretted letting things get out of hand and hadn't realised it was becoming an emotional affair. He said he was very lonely with us apart so much and she was just good company but he didn't have any romantic feelings for her.
We have been through months of sorting this out and getting into a really good place as a couple and he put in loads of effort into repairing the damage and I felt really positive. Total transparency and honesty as well as no contact with the EA partner was part of the reconciliation deal.
Then, bit by bit, "no contact" with her started to slip. It started off small, with her just saying "hello" at work and then escalated to her messaging or emailing that she missed him and then in the end to her needing to meet him for "closure" and him agreeing to this because she was so upset and couldn't move on!
I was understandably fuming and feeling really threatened, but he kept assuring me he was just trying to close it off and he didn't have any feelings at all for her and was in love with me. He even proposed and we were discussing plans for this and I will be honest, I completely believed this and thought she was a friend who developed feelings that were not returned.
Then suddenly, he turns around during a talk and admits he misses her company, which is really painful. I question if he misses her company in particular, or if he'd prefer to have me around than her. He says he would prefer me by far and it's me he is in love with, but I am not there and he misses having someone to have a cup of team with or listen to music.
I tried to explain how hurtful and disloyal it is to tell me he misses his emotional affair, and he apologises and says he is just trying to be honest and transparent so we can have intimacy and not keep secrets like before. He reassures me countless times he has no romantic feelings for her, doesn't fancy her and chose me.
After they had their big "closure" talk, he came away from it and told me he'd explained to her he only ever wanted to be friends and he was sorry it could never be anything more. She cried, said she accepted it and she would stop contacting him.
So she did stop contacting him and saying hello to him and paying him any attention at all. She even started openly flirting with someone else in front of him at work.
And what happens? He gets JEALOUS - he didn't admit it but he definitely was jealous, and then he and I had a massive row about it and he suddenly said he's confused about what he feels about her.
I asked if he has romantic feelings, he says he doesn't think so.
I asked if he wants to kiss / shag her, he says no it's not about sex.
I asked if he wanted a future with her, he says no he wants a future with me.
He says he is just confused and feels an "attachment" to her and the way she made him "feel". I asked what she made him feel and he said "peaceful and happy"
Now I am just spinning around like I am going mad. What is this? Is he in denial and he's in love with her? He wants to marry me, but another woman makes him happy?
AIBU? Is this completely crazy? Does this mean he obviously doesn't love me or is a complete dick? I am so confused.