How do you leave an emotionally abusive relationship when you will lose everything

[Marriagegoingtoimplode]

Been married to DH for 10 years, problem
Is our DC are not citizens in the current country we are in. If we separate we will need to move back to their home country as DH will refuse to stay where we are. Moving back I will have nobody, not a single relative or friend(they are all DH’s). Fortunately, I speak the language so that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about. I I know he’d push for 50:50 and potentially attempt to use my health against me to attempt full custody. I don’t know the system there well enough to know the probability of that happening. I’d previously tried to seek legal advice but the moment they realised I wasn’t currently in the country I never heard back.
DC are settled here with friends, school etc, should I really be turning everyone’s life upside down over what boils down to unkind words.

What an awful situation op .

In your shoes I would contact an immigrant lawyer and see what the options are.
If your DC are enough settled in the current country they might be granted to stay based on humanitarian reasons.

An immigration lawyer I mean

@LaBellina I doubt an immigration lawyer could help sadly since the priority from a legal standpoint would be to have the dc return to their country of birth.

the priority from a legal standpoint would be to have the dc return to their country of birth.

Which country are you a citizen of? The one you're in, his or another?

@MrsTerryPratchett we are currently in my country of birth which is part of the reason I’m so upset about everything turning to shit.

Why would the DC currently be allowed to stay in the country you're in but not if you split?

We could stay here but my DH would insist we return to their country of birth.

@Marriagegoingtoimplode

We could stay here but my DH would insist we return to their country of birth.

Tell him no?

You need legal advice, it may be that he doesn't get to decide. It'll depend where you are.

It depends which country you are in but legally in most European countries he wouldn't be able to insist that the children leave; certainly not if you were in the UK. It would be helpful to know which country you are currently in.

If you are a citizen of this country then surely you are able to apply for citizenship for your children? Is it within Europe?

You need legal advice. They are resident and can get citizenship through you, presumably.

Get legal advice.

Are both countries Hague signatories?

Also who has the children's passports currently?

@MrsTerryPratchett i assumed that seeking legal advice here would be futile, but it’s worth a try so I can at least establish what the options(if any) are.

I’m not sure where he’s put the dc’s passports, I should probably look for them today. I’ll need to check the details for both regarding Hague Signatories.

Get a lawyer. Even if you decide to stay for now, you can start gathering evidence for your case to prove the DC belong in the country where you live now. Also, playing the devils advocate, the longer you stay there, the more settled they’ll be there and if they’re a bit older, many countries let the DC have a say in which parent they would want to live with after divorce. Your DH can think it’s best the children have to return to their birth country but he certainly is not the one who has the final say in this unless you’re in a country that automatically grants the father custody of DC after divorce. Get legal advice ASAP.

In the U.K., he wouldn’t be able to insist that you leave. Wouldn’t want to give you the wrong advice for the country you are in. But here, it wouldn’t be his call.

All the best OP.

If you and the kids can stay in a separate country to him, all the better. Also, I could be wrong but surely if your kids are under 16 and dependent on you then they have the right to stay provided you do. I doubt the government would push to separate them from you even if this was not the case.

And men never get full custody unless theres extreme circumstances. If they were settled in his home country in school and you wanted to move them home to yours THEN maybe there would be more of an issue. As is though, tell him he is welcome to sod off home if he likes but the kids will be staying with you.

Infact its rather the ideal situation if he does leave.

It must be so very hard for you.
I left an abusive marriage and as a result lost my very young kids for half of the time. Seven years on and it still hurts.
Wish I could tell you a more positive story.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

If the country you are in subscribes to the Hague convention (and 101 of the worlds 195 countries do) then likely the children are habitually resident where you are and you will not be required to leave.

www.transparencyproject.org.uk/habitual-residence-sloppy-explanations-of-the-law-about-child-abduction/

Do they have dual nationality with where they live now?

Please seek legal advice before your husband knows you plan to leave him.

If you are their mother and you currently live in your country of birth, its definitely worth investigating if you can get them citizenship of your birth country before ending your marriage. It will be harder for him to argue they must move away from their home, school, friends and family because he wants to.

Get legal advice. Please. Dont listen to him, you know he's abusive so everything he says should be questioned.

Seconding previous comments.

If a child is customarily domiciled in a Hague signatory country, then a parent who wants to remove them can't without the consent of the other parent. If you say no and he removes the children, he's abducted them and you can get them returned (though it's often easier to obtain what in this country is called a Prohibited Steps order, to pre-empt this).

In most countries, if a citizen lives there and has children, those children are entitled to the nationality of that citizen, too. Have you investigated this?

The chances are very high that he can't remove the children, and you can stay in your home country with the kids, while divorcing him. I'd get legal advice in your own country.

I'd also do so very quietly, so you can establish your rights before he has a chance to start to bully you.

A charity called Reunite sets out the law around the children, and their right to remain in the country with which they are familiar and settled, and which countries are signatories to Hague.

Thanks everyone, still feeling really overwhelmed by it all but at least now it looks like I’ve got possible options. Going to look into things further tomorrow. Was up with dc during last night and had everything whirring in my head so couldn’t relax enough to sleep.

Absolutely options. Knowledge is power.