Partner pushed me out of bed

[magentaroom]

I've been with my partner for 14 years. This is the first time anything like this has happened.

In the middle of the night he turned over in bed to hug me. He said I smell a little of cat pee (we have an old cat who sometimes pees the floor, I try to clean everything best I can, get carpets cleaned etc but I guess the smell sticks). He turns back around. Few minutes later he asks for a hug, I say no I'm paranoid now you said I smell. He says get out the bed. I don't. Another few minutes later he asks again for a hug, I say no again, not til smell rectified. He keeps telling me to get out of the bed, if I won't do what he says get out the bed, I keep saying no I've no other duvets in the house within easy reach. He says he doesn't care if I sleep in the street.

He kept pushing me and it hurt. After a few minutes I got up and slept on the couch with a jacket covering me. Today I have finger bruises on my upper arm where he kept pushing me.

Just in shock.

Was he actually awake?

Photo the injury just in case. Speak to someone you trust or a dv helpline and tell them what happened, so you have support in real life.
Then think about what you want to do as only you know and then do that.
I hope your OK x

I'd wonder why he kept asking you for a hug if you stank?

@FluffMagnet He was sleepy but awake. Possibly half awake.

Has anything else in your lives changed? New baby? New job?

Do you feel scared of him now?

Have you spoken to him this morning about it ? Was he awake ? My dh speaks & walks around appearing awake but he's not

@Pleaseaddcaffine I photographed the bruising. I don't know what I want to do. Or who to speak to.

@ismiseeire Yes I wonder too. I think he maybe felt bad for saying it. I'm embarrassed that I smell like cat pee.. I've called to get the carpets cleaned again and I'm going to use fabric conditioner and dry clothes outside as much as possible.

What a horrible man. He didn't care if you slept outside, just because you didn't want to hug him after he insulted you?

What did he say in the morning? How did he react to the bruises on your arm?

This is such a weirdly horrible thing to do that I find it hard to believe he's not horrible in other ways. What did he say today?

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Only thing which has changed is one of his parents is ill and due major surgery v soon.

@ny20005 Yes, he basically said I should've got out the bed when he said. . Not sure he completely remembers everything but he did remember the cat pee comment and he knew why I was on the couch in the morning.

@MazekeenSmith He can (sometimes) be horrible in other ways. But never physically. Never in 14 years.

Jesus. This is awful OP. Abusive and horrible. Absolutely not normal. You must be feeling very hurt and confused. What are you going to do?

So he's escalating from emotionally horrible to physically abusive as well now

The cat didn't pee on you did it? It is in a house where both of you live. So you are not more responsible for the cat smell than him. It sounds like a bit of an excuse. Its a very wierd way to behave, and not very pleasant and he hasn't apologised. He deserves to have someone place the cat on his clothes. Agree with previous pp, find someone in RL to confide in or talk to a DV helpline, because this is probably very upsetting for you and you need to have some emotional support.

Whatever he thought he was doing you don't mention him having apologised.

So he's a shit, an unreasonable, abusive twat!

And I don't share a bed with my DH because he tends to thump and kicks in his sleep. He was always aghast when he realised what he had done, asked his gp if there was anything he could do and made certain that any alternative sleeping space was as comfortable as our bed. Because that's what a living partner does.

[quote magentaroom]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Only thing which has changed is one of his parents is ill and due major surgery v soon.

@ny20005 Yes, he basically said I should've got out the bed when he said. . Not sure he completely remembers everything but he did remember the cat pee comment and he knew why I was on the couch in the morning.[/quote]
So he remembered and he knew. This for me, would be unforgivable. It's usually a slippery slope from here on in

I’m finding it hard from his perspective to understand the link between you smelling like cat pee and him still asking you for a hug...he then asked you to get out of bed when you said no?

Certainly very odd behaviour op and I would be very upset if my partner had done this as well so I feel for you in this situation.

I think as pp said I would be interested to know how much he remembers of the incident as it happened in the middle of the night? Not making excuses just to get some context.

I’m more worried by the fact he wasn’t mortified by this incident this morning to be honest.

Has he seen the bruises that he caused?

Wow.
OP, you're trying to rationalise this but there really is no way to.
He's abusive.
A massive grade A twat.

Ok A history of being horrible in other ways definitely makes me think you need to get yourself sorted out & leave, he's simply escalating.

I'm sorry, I know it's not easy, but you're no longer safe with him

If he was dreaming/not properly awake then he would have apologised this morning.
If he hasn't apologised then I'd be having stern words I can tell you!

He's abusive in other ways. Now he's becoming physically abusive. I'd take the cat and leave.

Firstly you need to draw a big boundary here and scare the crap out of him.

Sit him down

Show him the bruises.

Then tell him you have an appointment with a domestic violence service tomorrow, to make a report about him and discuss your options.

Let him say whatever he wants but then come back with - 'I don't care one bit what you thought it was or what you're saying you didn't do. Bruises speak a lot louder than your words. I've no idea how this will pan out but be assured that I'll be reporting this, getting what happened last night documented as a first incident, and if you so much as lay one finger on me again, I'll be calling the police directly. You do not touch me, ever again.'

Was hug = sex?
Refuse hug = refuse sex = get out?