Partner pushed me out of bed

[magentaroom]

I've been with my partner for 14 years. This is the first time anything like this has happened.

In the middle of the night he turned over in bed to hug me. He said I smell a little of cat pee (we have an old cat who sometimes pees the floor, I try to clean everything best I can, get carpets cleaned etc but I guess the smell sticks). He turns back around. Few minutes later he asks for a hug, I say no I'm paranoid now you said I smell. He says get out the bed. I don't. Another few minutes later he asks again for a hug, I say no again, not til smell rectified. He keeps telling me to get out of the bed, if I won't do what he says get out the bed, I keep saying no I've no other duvets in the house within easy reach. He says he doesn't care if I sleep in the street.

He kept pushing me and it hurt. After a few minutes I got up and slept on the couch with a jacket covering me. Today I have finger bruises on my upper arm where he kept pushing me.

Just in shock.

@magentaroom

He didn't mean it as a trying on for sex I don't think. Maybe. But not definitely. We'd had sex two days before.

I sent him an email of the bruising as he went to work.

Yes he doesn't care. Is trying to wiggle out of any blame.

This is a huge red flag. He fysically harmed you and doesn’t even take responsibility for it (even if he did, he’d still be an abusive twat). It means that he doesn’t respect you, doesn’t care about your feelings, is that a man you want to spend your life with ? I’m sorry to say this but his behavior and attitude make me think that there is a great chance that this will escalate further. It starts with things like this, you try to understand it, he minimizes it and to keep the peace you do the same eventually until he’s pushing your boundaries further and further to accept more abusive behavior from him. It’s a very slippery slope. Be careful what you tolerate OP. If my partner did this to me, I’d be out of this relationship because there is no going back from this kind of abuse. In 99,999 % of all the cases it only gets worse.

Fuck him.

This is serious, he is a cruel bastard, watch how you go with this one and make sure he's not left alone with the cat.

You know this won't get better don't you?
And make no excuses for him.

he basically said I should've got out the bed when he said

And when you didn’t he shoved you out, hard enough to have left bruises.
And you had to take yourself off to the sofa, with no duvet, just a jacket.
And it seems he’s mean / nasty in other ways too.

I’d be seriously evaluating why you’re in this relationship.

I am so sorry he hurt you.

Leave him.

He will hurt you again.

@AmberItsACertainty

I didn't say it was OK, I asked the OP a couple of questions. She replied,I replied.

It sounds like you have been in an abusive relationship & for that I am sorry, but someone acting out of character in the night is not always an abusive person. It's not entirely uncommon in periods of extreme stress and can be solved in other ways.

Oh forgive me Lord and master for smelling of wee as I've constantly been on hand and foot looking after an elderly cat that could be on her way out.
Do you want to give me sympathy for my poor cat who I love, no.
Do you feel any empathy for the cat. No.
Tell you what I want to do, half heartedly ask for sex with no feeling behind it, slag you off for being pee ridden, ask again for sex after I've made you feel disgusting about yourself, then physically shove you so hard that you have bruies the next day.
Sleep on the fucking street, leave you freezing downstairs probably crying your eyes out because anyone would.

Jesus this man is a cunt, this is him, he is a cruel heartless bastard and on top of that shows no remorse.
He is showing you real contempt, but he is also showing you that this is a wicked, evil shit and deserves to be on his own.

You both have unresolved issues in the relationship. You need to get together and talk. Good Luck.