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Original poster

What to do about unwanted gift

66 replies

ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:14

I am probably being unfair here and so I’d really appreciate outside perspectives.

DH has a hobby (sorry - one of those.) I do not share his interest in said hobby but I’ve done it from time to time in the past as a sort of means to an end - the difference between running for a bus and running marathons if you like.

A year ago he bought an expensive item for this hobby. I don’t know the first thing about them but made enthusiastic noises to be polite.

He has now bought me one. And I REALLY don’t want it!

We have a 3 month old baby. I get absolutely no break from him at all. Maybe an hour in the morning before DH starts work (he wfh.)

Yet now DH has taken time at lunch to do this hobby with me. So I’m annoyed about that as in early days with ds I really did need help but couldn’t prise him from laptop. But also it means that any baby free time I do get I’ll have to spend doing something I don’t enjoy rather than something I like and am interested in. Sad

OP posts:
millionmilesaway · 29/03/2021 14:15

I think you'll just have to tell him. If he were more supportive you may have viewed the gift very differently (is it an exercise bike)... Grin

Easterbunnygettingready · 29/03/2021 14:16

Imo if you are close enough to have had a baby you can tell him thanks but no thanks to the gift...
My exh got me a bike one Xmas.
The Xmas I was 4 months pregnant with ds.....

Titterofwit · 29/03/2021 14:19

What would he do if you bought him something he didn't like/want?

StephenBelafonte · 29/03/2021 14:20

My exh got me a bike one Xmas.
The Xmas I was 4 months pregnant with ds.....

Sorry @Easterbunnygettingready but that really made me chuckle Grin and then I saw he was your ex and it made me laugh even more!

OP - yeah, just tell him you don't want it.

Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:21

I don’t think I would to be fair million it just stings because he DID have time but helping me obviously didn’t matter but this hobby does.

titter I’m sorry - I think you’re trying to make a point but I really don’t know what it is?

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 29/03/2021 14:23

It's worse as it's expensive, so not only misguided but a lot of money wasted.

You'll have to tell him.

Goleor · 29/03/2021 14:27

Just tell him that you've no interest in his hobby and that instead of him investing more of his time on the hobby , he could take up minding his child instead

Overdueanamechange · 29/03/2021 14:28

@Titterofwit I think is asking if the tables were turned would he put up and shut up, or whether he would thank you for the thought, but say that it really isn't what he would have wanted or chosen, and would you be offended if it was returned and / or exchanged.

Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:28

The money isn’t an issue. It’s the fact it comes with an obligation. It’s like buying someone a dog who doesn’t like dogs. Not quite the same thing I know but I really am annoyed about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:29

I get that overdue but it’s not really the same as someone buying you a horrible jumper that you are polite about and wear once. It’s the fact I am going to feel obliged to use it. On the rare occasion I don’t have a baby with me I really don’t want to be doing something I don’t enjoy.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 29/03/2021 14:32

I really don't understand why you can't tell him this?

whitespotsgreenleaves · 29/03/2021 14:35

@Goleor

Just tell him that you've no interest in his hobby and that instead of him investing more of his time on the hobby , he could take up minding his child instead
This!

Tell him what you have told people here. Just tell him. You are not responsible for however he takes this. You are responsible for speaking up for yourself.

BaronessBomburst · 29/03/2021 14:37

We can't make a decision or help you in any way until you tell us what the hobby and the thing are............ Grin

Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:37

@StephenBelafonte

I really don't understand why you can't tell him this?
Then please just leave the thread if you don’t understand.

I don’t understand why people go fishing but I don’t go on threads about it to tell them this. I don’t really understand why people get stressed over home schooling their own kids but if I went on and said this I’d obviously be thought really rude. So please - don’t.

You’re probably right white but I won’t. Anyway thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:38

@BaronessBomburst

We can't make a decision or help you in any way until you tell us what the hobby and the thing are............ Grin
Problem is I have an erstwhile friend who reads my posts and discusses them with other erstwhile friends so I have to be cagey.
OP posts:
G3ntlemanJ · 29/03/2021 14:39

Ididnt - you are literally ASKING for peoples opinions. No one is asking yours about fishing Hmm

idontlikealdi · 29/03/2021 14:39

Gaming? WoW? You really have to tell him.

Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:40

But ‘I don’t understand’ isn’t an opinion, is it? Anyway - gaming? Who said it was gaming? It doesn’t matter anyway.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 29/03/2021 14:41

If you really don't want to be honest with him you could make up a minor injury or say you're still recovering from the birth. Difficult to say without knowing what the hobby is.

BigPyjamas · 29/03/2021 14:41

You have to tell him, unless you plan to keep pretending.

' DH, thank you so much for the gift, it's really kind of you.

At the moment I don't have much free time and so it's really precious to me. Whilst it's lovely that you'd like us to do X hobby together, I'm just not quite ready yet, with our tiny newborn being so young and demanding.

I'd absolutely love it if you could spend some of your hobby time on our little one. Then I could get a break and it would make a huge difference to how I was feeling. Thank you.

Overdueanamechange · 29/03/2021 14:42

No one is disagreeing with you, I certainly wasn't. I think some of us missed the point, you didn't want a solution to the unwanted gift, more of a what to do about his disinterest in anything that doesn't involve his hobby?

Lordamighty · 29/03/2021 14:42

You have obviously name changed OP so, unless you tell them, how would your friend know it was you?

BigPyjamas · 29/03/2021 14:43

He probably thinks he's being kind, and he probably wants to spend time with you.

Unless you explain how you are feeling, he will be using his best guess to make assumptions.

It's probably just a miscommunication made worse by the stress of a newborn.

Sounds like it could be cleared up with a conversation.

Original poster
ididntwantthisgift · 29/03/2021 14:44

@Lordamighty

You have obviously name changed OP so, unless you tell them, how would your friend know it was you?
Why is it important to you?

That’s probably a good way of going about it big

I’m probably feeling grumpy about it because I feel like I have to use it and I don’t ... just tired.

OP posts:
AnnaBegins · 29/03/2021 14:46

Do you have any other hobbies you enjoy, even something like knitting or writing a blog? Can you say "I don't enjoy your hobby but it's nice that you do. Now I know you can make time during the day for me to do a hobby, you can spend it watching baby whilst I do {insert new hobby here}. Thanks so much for being so supportive of my me-time".

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