So it’s a long complicated situation, but to summarise, in my mid twenties I had a one night stand with my now DP. I didn’t know him well but I knew of his family, his brother was 8 years older than me and we had a few friends in common. Small town situation where you knew peoples surnames! I ended up pregnant from it, and it was a pretty dark time actually but my now DP handled it all amazingly. He wanted to be involved, it turned out he was older than I thought and was in late thirties and had always wanted kids. His dad had killed himself, and as he was the oldest he sort of stepped up to help his mum so was prioritising her and his career, so he hadn’t ever got married or had kids. He’d had a few serious relationships but had always put his career first.
He supported me through the pregnancy amazingly, as friends. Eventually we agreed to give it a go and we went from strength to strength and we now have a crazy toddler and are engaged. We made a positive from what could of been a really negative situation, and without putting pressure on it we’ve ended up here. On one hand I am so happy, we are currently planning a wedding, had an offer accepted on a house, we have a gorgeous DC (and both want more), we have a comfortable life financially and most importantly, really love and support each other.
I just have this stupid little niggle I am struggling to get past. I know that this isn’t what I would of chosen for myself. He is my perfect person and would of been the exact kind of guy I wanted, but I would of wanted him to be about 8-10 years younger. I like a man to be older than me, but not by 15 years. I wouldn’t of pursued a serious relationship with a man so much older. It worries me that as I’m approaching my early thirties and he’s nearly halfway through his fourties in a few years. I’m worried that I’m going to miss out on 15 energetic, youthful, fun years with a young family. I’m worried about being left behind young. He looks in his thirties still, and is the best dad my son could ask for, has bounds of energy and is such a great guy I just worry how long it will last. In my head 25-45 was one of the best bits of life, raising young kids, still being youthful and energetic, travelling, buying houses etc and I’m only 5 years into that period and he’s nearly finishing it.
Sometimes I panic that I’ve got myself in this situation, really. I have fear of missing out on what my life might be like in the future compared to if I married someone the same age. None of my friends or family get my concern at all, my mum says I’ve got a kind, loving supportive partner who wants to marry me, a happy child, a gorgeous home and that I have nothing to worry about. I don’t know if it’s the looming commitment of marriage and buying a house making me so worried, but I’m struggling with it. We have our son and he needs to be the priority, and he deserves a stable loving family and home (which he has!) and it would be selfish, and probably completely idiotic to walk away from my lovely little family/life but I am very concerned.
Has anyone been in a situation where they’ve unexpectedly ended up with someone older? Do you feel like you skipped a big section of your life? I know age gap relationships are a thing, but I just want a relationship, a marriage. Thinking of it as an age gap relationship freaks me out as it is never something I would of sought out. Can anyone offer me any advice? I’m considering therapy but I just want my nerves to settle.