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Original poster

I want my ex husband back!

80 replies

millypeggyandpandora · 23/03/2021 17:18

Please help me decide what to do ladies.
I divorced my husband of 20 years in 2019 after finding out he was having an affair while working abroad.
I have tried to move on, I have a new partner and I moved in with him just before lockdown last year. We now live in a village 1 hour from my old home. He is kind and we have interests in common, but sex is dire and I now feel bored, and trapped.
I think of my ex husband every day and make excuses to communicate with him. He is still with the ow and my oldest adult daughter lives with him. He admits he still loves me and I have told him I still love him. I long to rewind the clock and be in the old family home again surrounded by my friends and with my ex.
My new partner and I have spoken about moving somewhere more rural next January time. Part of me thinks I should do this as a new start but I think my longing for ex and boredom would continue. The most honest thing to do would be to move back near my friends and family on my own wouldn't it? Or would I then just be recreating the past and trying to get my ex back?
Please tell me what you think ? I need the unbiased opinion of strangers Smile

OP posts:
Ivy48 · 23/03/2021 17:22

He’s an ex for a reason. You obviously felt betrayed enough to divorce him, he’s still with the ow which tells me he’s trying to have his cake and eat it. Dump the boyfriend you clearly aren’t happy with him or at least live alone and enjoy being free. Meet someone new. Think of the bad times with your ex and why you’re divorced

PersimmonTree · 23/03/2021 17:27

Bin the current partner, get back with your ex, prepare for similar betrayal a few months or years down the line.

Babyg1995 · 23/03/2021 17:33

I would leave your current partner i would hate to be with someone and they still wanted there ex and they hadn't told me he should run for the hills if he's any sense.

Original poster
millypeggyandpandora · 23/03/2021 17:33

Thanks for replying ladies
Your both right, hankering after my ex is pointless, indeed ridiculous. But should I move back to the city where we used to live... where my friends and daughter are? I fear being lonely any where else, but being near our old haunts makes me long for my ex more.

OP posts:
Original poster
millypeggyandpandora · 23/03/2021 17:36

Baby
When I first moved in with my new partner I didn't feel this longing. It's developed over the past year. But your right I am being unfair on him and dishonest.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 23/03/2021 17:39

He's doing to her what he did to you.

Having an (emotional) affair behind his partner's back.

Don't even think about it.

Viviennemary · 23/03/2021 17:41

You might as well tell your ex husband how you feel. Why not. No point in going on the way you are. You don't sound very happy.

seensome · 23/03/2021 17:41

Nooo you don't really want him back surely, not after the way he's treated you, maybe you're missing some parts of your old life because you're dissatisfied with your current partner. Don't settle with someone that you don't love.

Bibidy · 23/03/2021 17:42

I think you definitely should split up with your new partner since it doesn't seem you want to be with him. Don't base it on whether your ex would want you back or not.

As for your ex, I can't offer any advice there except to say that he's still with his new partner so does he actually even want to reunite? I wouldn't bank on that.

No harm in moving back locally to be near your friends and daughter though.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 17:43

Your ex is cheating on his current partner just as he was cheating on you. If you and he get back together, there will be a vacancy and he won't wait long to fill it.

On the other hand, I would move back to where my friends and daughter are. Let this guy down gently and don't tell him you want your ex back.

ThatOtherPoster · 23/03/2021 17:44

You should ditch your current partner, definitely. Move closer to your friends. But don’t run around after your cheat of an ex, no.

Lockdown has made us all nostalgic for exes. It’s a thing.

Justmuddlingalong · 23/03/2021 17:44

I think your ex and your current DP should be treated as 2 separate issues. If your relationship now isn't fulfilling, end it and move back to the city. But, hoping to rekindle a relationship with a cheating exH? you're worth more than that, OP. 💐

Teflondreams · 23/03/2021 17:45

Honestly, neither of these men are right for you.
Leave your partner you clearly aren’t happy and are not a good match.
Don’t go back to your X. He is a cheat and a liar and you deserve better.
Honestly have some time on your own, find something you enjoy, and put your needs (and dcs) first.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/03/2021 17:45

I think if all was well with the new one, you wouldn't be having these thoughts. I think he probably needs to go and you need to look for someone else who can do good sex

Chosennone · 23/03/2021 17:48

Has lockdown made everyone nostalgic? Shock I relate as I have had a few moments like this recently! We divorced 10 years ago!!!

I have had a word with myself and remembered the reasons why it ended and taken my rose tinted glasses off. It is a weird time so dont make any rash decisions either way. Spend some time weighing up what you're wanting without airbrushing the past.
Maybe neither are right for you.

yesterdaysbread · 23/03/2021 17:48

I think your idea of moving near friends and family alone is a good one. You're already bored with the new partner after a relatively short time and not excited about the idea of a new start with him, and you may find you are comparing him to your ex who then ends up looking like a better match for you in some ways. There are plenty more fish in the sea than either of these men, get some space away from both of them and you might find you'll meet someone even better when you're ready :)

Justmuddlingalong · 23/03/2021 17:50

It's not made me nostalgic for my exH. I'm grateful I've not had to endure lockdown with him every day of the past year.

siyhack58342 · 23/03/2021 17:52

He cheated on you and now he wants to cheat with you! Wow.

If you do really want him back, and you get him, know that he will probably step out on your again. He's done it before, and now he knows you'll have him back. This emotional affair you're having right now is very awkward for you dd tbh, please consider her feelings in all of this.

Drop the current guy if you're bored, good sex is out there if that's what you're after.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/03/2021 17:55

Don't go looking for happiness in the same place that you lost it. He's your ex for a reason.

crestar · 23/03/2021 17:58

@PersimmonTree

Bin the current partner, get back with your ex, prepare for similar betrayal a few months or years down the line.
What a wonderful clinical manner you have of describing something.

Bin the current partner

Alright, she might not be content with him but she's described him as decent person who will presumably get hurt badly in all this.

You relate what we understand to be a thoroughly decent person to a piece of detritus................

Lovely.

mcmooberry · 23/03/2021 17:58

Don't think you should stay with your current partner if the sex is dire and you are bored, but doubt a return to your ex would work.

CodMouth · 23/03/2021 18:00

I’m never nostalgic for my exh......if I ever do think of him (which is extremely rare) I just sigh in relief that I divorced him and will never see him again.

Original poster
millypeggyandpandora · 23/03/2021 18:06

I think the pp who said lockdown has made some of us nostalgic is spot on. It's my busy, positive, adventurous past I am probably missing the most.
I am afraid to live alone as I haven't done it even though I am 54! I have discussed it with my dear friends and my daughters. They have all said I should do it if I am not content with my partner. I am afraid of being lonely and drinking too much I think.
Thank you all... I need to stop this ridiculous nostalgia, let my partner down gently and woman up !

OP posts:
siyhack58342 · 23/03/2021 18:06

@HundredMilesAnHour

Don't go looking for happiness in the same place that you lost it. He's your ex for a reason.
Brilliant line here @HundredMilesAnHour - am definitely using this on friends tempted to go back to crappy exes!
LifesNotEnidBlyton · 23/03/2021 18:09

Remember that he cheated on you with her and left you for her and now hes sending you texts saying he still loves you. He obviously gets bored fast. You might be bored yourself now but imagine going back to him and the worrying youd be doing about if he was bored again. Don't mess your new partner around if you don't love him but going back to Mr "have the entire bakery" isn't a good idea if you ask me.