I want my ex husband back!

[millypeggyandpandora]

Please help me decide what to do ladies.
I divorced my husband of 20 years in 2019 after finding out he was having an affair while working abroad.
I have tried to move on, I have a new partner and I moved in with him just before lockdown last year. We now live in a village 1 hour from my old home. He is kind and we have interests in common, but sex is dire and I now feel bored, and trapped.
I think of my ex husband every day and make excuses to communicate with him. He is still with the ow and my oldest adult daughter lives with him. He admits he still loves me and I have told him I still love him. I long to rewind the clock and be in the old family home again surrounded by my friends and with my ex.
My new partner and I have spoken about moving somewhere more rural next January time. Part of me thinks I should do this as a new start but I think my longing for ex and boredom would continue. The most honest thing to do would be to move back near my friends and family on my own wouldn't it? Or would I then just be recreating the past and trying to get my ex back?
Please tell me what you think ? I need the unbiased opinion of strangers

Doltanyway
Your right I would hate to be in a relationship where I wasn't thoroughly loved and I will end it.

Alcemeg

Your right, I think about my family home, children being young and my friends in the past with the same longing as I do my ex. I was happier then becauseI hadn't had my heart broken.

So really OP - you finished with your ex for cheating- and he's now telling you he loves you while I a relationship with someone else - and you are telling him you love him back...while in a relationship with someone else?
The solution is to be in an open relationship with your ex, so no need for deception and enjoy everything else?

This could be a really good opportunity for you to experience living alone. How do you know it’ll be negative until you try it properly? You’ve barely lived on your own you’re whole life and you’re ok your 50s. Why are you scared of it? Do you not like yourself or your own company?

Warning, this is a zombie thread resurrected by MrSpam below

Uh-huh, seems legit. 🤔

It looks like you moved away from the area with your friends and family because you associate it your ex and wanted to stop thinking about him. But you're now lonely, isolated in a rural location and in an unfulfilled relationship AND still thinking about your ex. Perhaps it is the boredom, loneliness and lack of fulfilment that is keeping you thinking about your ex?

This is a man who had an emotional affair after years of happiness and your love, who broke your heart, who is still with her while now making you the ow in another emotional affair. When a man marries his mistress it creates a vacancy. It not usually filled by the ex-wife though. How lazy of him ffs!

At the moment you have nothing else to fill your time and thoughts except him. Bored, unfulfilled minds fill themselves with something. And that something is him. Go home. Make new memories. Enjoy your friends and family. Enjoy your new life. He will fade as you discover life anew.

Oh ffs zombie. I'm usually so bloody careful! Lol

@Theala

Uh-huh, seems legit. 🤔

The thread is legit, but a year old, and was spammed by GarrWilson posting a load of nonsense about some doctor who could get your wife back for you.

Why’d you want to be with someone who treated you like you’re worth nothing.

You are already bored & frustrated with your current partner.
That is enough of a problem.

You are dallying with your Ex as a distraction & you know that you don’t really want him.

You want out of your current relationship.
Do not settle for less than you need.

You said ‘ The most honest thing to do would be to move back near my friends and family on my own wouldn't it?’ The short answer is yes.

Y

Ooops, been zombies!

I’d move on your own and start afresh. Oh and make sure to send screenshots of the worst/ best of ex husbands messages to the ow

@millypeggyandpandora

Mn753 Thanks I will read that book suggestion. Not to affirm my longing for my ex, but to get another viewpoint. Pp is right, I can't stop loving him, it's a tsp I can't turn off. I will really think about how to be alone without fucking it up. I really appreciate your thoughtful and insightful comments ladies. Xxxx

You can love and miss someone without needing to take them back. It was what it was. It failed. You can look back on the good bits but it's not somewhere you should revisit

@CrotchetyQuaver

I think if all was well with the new one, you wouldn't be having these thoughts. I think he probably needs to go and you need to look for someone else who can do good sex

This. Definitely do not go back, but that doesn't mean to say you have to stay with current guy either.

Posted, but it disappeared...?

Anyhoo...

You jumped from a long relationship to the new guy. No time to process it, or grieve or adapt. And now the relationship you are in isn't new enough to distract you from your feelings.

Perhaps spend some time alone?

Yes I think you should move back to the city to be near your friends and DD but I don’t think you should get back with cheating ass.

Sounds like you thought: new location, new partner, new life. Totally made sense in theory but the reality is you’re bored in this new place and this man is not right for you.

I reckon half of what you miss is simply your city and your mates. It’s like you lost your entire life not just your marriage.

If this was a soap opera then you would become the other woman to the other woman.
Then when your ex leaves the other woman to rekindle the relationship with you, you would dump him and ride into the sunset.

I'm sorry. That was most unhelpful.

HI ALL
This is my legit thread from last year. Not sure how it became resurrected.
I am still with the same partner, still bored and sexually frustrated. However I no longer hanker for my ex-husband, as he has been a total dick this last year and we are no longer in contact.
Thanks for all your replies, the advice was good and I need to muster the courage to act on it !

If you still feel the same way a year later you need to be brave and leave him. He deserves better, you are only in your mid 50s, plenty of time to start anew.

Don’t look back and regret wasting these years bored and frustrated, when you could be having new adventures and experiences you haven’t yet imagined.

Is the dire sex the only thing holding this current relationship back? If yes, then is he open to feedback/trying different things/going to a sex therapist? Have you honestly sat down with him and said that you're not getting everything you need from sex with him?
It'd be a harsh blow for anyone's ego tbf, but if he really likes you he surely would be willing to work on your connection in the bedroom. If he isn't, then that pretty much answers your question for you, right?