I have NC as I don't want this linked to my other threads.
My DP is a hothead, always has been and he shouts a lot and can be aggressive. Never physically to me, although when throwing things he has caught my leg/arm but would never hit me I don't think. He is in the process of quitting smoking, which I think has added to the stress this week but it's part of a long line of behaviour that I can't cope with.
About 2 years ago he punched a hole in wall and told me he'd cave my fucking head in, in front of the children (very young) and we nearly split up over it but he promised to go to anger management, which never materialised but he hasn't done anything like that since.
He gets angry all the time, when he's tired, when he's stressed about his hobby and I always try to placate him as I don't want him to shout at the children or me. He smacked our child once and I tried to leave but we worked through it, I don't know why I didn't leave then as it goes against everything I believe in and we agreed before children that we would never smack them. DC1 is quite aggressive and vocal, learned behaviour but he can't cope with it.
I have been having counselling and I'm trying to stick up for myself and vocalise how I'm feeling to try and communicate better, which had been working but the past few weeks he's showed that he doesn't like this.
His hobby is taking up so much time, it's consuming him and I've asked him to do a couple of things as I don't have a key to the shed or garage so couldn't do myself. Bear in mind that I do everything else and I asked politely to put something away as we had workmen coming to the house. He exploded and called me a cunt. I'm not proud but I exploded at him and chucked all his stuff that I wanted him to move, in the garden, the children weren't here.
The second time this week he called me a cunt was over me asking if he'd looked inside our child's school bag as there had been dirty clothing in there, he shouted, called me a cunt and said I hadn't told him to and that I need to prioritise the children and call the doctor (the reason there were dirty clothes was because of a medical condition) - I again said that the children are not solely my responsibility, I work full time, do everything round the house etc.
Third time this week, I came into our kitchen and asked if he wanted to watch a film on Saturday evening - his friend was there and he went mental saying I was interrupting him, I was a bit put out as he was using my laptop to do something so I said he couldn't use it, I know this was childish. He basically threw my laptop across the room and it hit my leg.
We talked about it the next day, and it ended in an arguement - he claims I came into the kitchen as an aggressive act to distract him and I didn't need to do it. Called me a massive cunt again and I explained that I'm scared and intimidated by him when he shouts. He told me that was the intention and if I was a bloke he would have beat me up and that his hobby comes before me and the children. I'm not proud of it but I screamed at him that he was a bully, I wasn't going to take it anymore and called him an arse hole, the children were in the other room so heard it all. I have protected them from him so many times and have always kept my head and not argued in front of them but I couldn't control my emotions - years of verbal abuse have worn me down.
Today, I apologised for losing my temper (I apologised to the children immediately after) but that I wanted to talk to him as I can't continue to do this and want to seperate. He's basically ignoring me, kept saying he doesn't want to talk to me and I'm not accepting his boundaries - maybe I'm not but I don't particularly want him here and I want him to leave.
I'm so scared that I'm breaking up my family, that the children are going to be upset, that I can't cope on my own, that I'll forgive him and this perpetual cycle will continue. I'm a talker and want to talk things through and he likes to punch things, I'm so sad. He's gone out and left me with the children without a second thought. I hate him right now.