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Original poster

Would this bother you?

56 replies

TheLost · 21/03/2021 09:48

I’ve been seeing someone for about 9 months, think he’s wonderful and really see a future for us. He’s divorced, split up with wife 5 years ago after she had an affair and she’s still with the affair partner. 2 teenage kids. He says they are as amicable as they can be but certainly not friends and only spend time together for parents evenings, football matches etc.

It’s his ex wife’s birthday next week and he’s bought her a bottle of champagne, a box of posh chocolates and a massive bouquet of flowers. I said that it was nice of him to get him something for her from the dc but apparently they’re just from him. He let dc choose something for her from Amazon costing up to X amount .

Would you think this was odd? My ex will help dc choose and write in Mother’s Day/ birthday cards but my kids are early primary age. I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable if he gave me traditionally romantic gifts like champagne and flowers just from him. Or am I just overthinking it?

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 21/03/2021 09:53

That's weird

Outbutnotoutout · 21/03/2021 09:53

After 5yrs and her still with her affair partner, yes I would find that a bit over the top.

A card and possibly flowers if he was being nice, keeping the amicable.

This smacks competing against OM

Silenceisgolden20 · 21/03/2021 09:56

Weird

steelserenade · 21/03/2021 09:59

That's unusual.

category12 · 21/03/2021 09:59

You're doing a lot of these threads.

You're so insecure about this relationship, what's the point of it?

YouAreYourBestThing · 21/03/2021 10:01

Yeah...that is weird! Gifts from the kids, fine, but not from him!! Not even a 'token' gift from him to be fair, after 5 years, if they are 'nothing more than just amicable'. Champagne, flowers and chocolate are very romantic OP, sorry, you need to talk to him.

seensome · 21/03/2021 10:08

It's weird as he's giving them from him not the dc as that's quite an expensive gift not just a token. Maybe he's trying to show the OM up. If you don't get a gift much better then lose him.

Midtowngirl · 21/03/2021 10:10

Yes, very odd. All romantic gifts too suggesting feelings :/ I think if you’re split up a card with a sufficient

Cherrysoup · 21/03/2021 10:16

Really inappropriate. What is his reasoning behind this?

SilverRoe · 21/03/2021 10:19

I’d think he was trying to show her what she lost out on.

Midtowngirl · 21/03/2021 10:41

Also I think it’s important that she had the affair and so that’s why it ended. He may not have been ready for it to end.
I would have a really honest calm discussion with him about his feelings for her

Original poster
TheLost · 22/03/2021 13:29

His reasoning was that he realised too late that he hadn’t got anything and these were the only things they had in Tesco that were ‘fifty’ (Wales so can’t buy ‘non-essential items). It must have come to near £100 altogether and I said it seems a bit OTT but he said that it’s just about the same as she spends on him for his birthday.

OP posts:
ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 22/03/2021 13:32

Ew no that's weird and creepy.
If it was from the kids. Fair enough.

But just from him and she is with the affair partner he definitely is trying to stir the pot.
I don't think he has quite gotten over her and wasn't ready for it to end.

SkySmiler · 22/03/2021 13:32

V odd and way over the top

FlatteredFool · 22/03/2021 13:35

He still loves her or it's a power play for affection with the OM.

Slambam · 22/03/2021 13:40

At first, I was going to say, " how lovely that he's helping the DCs go to such an effort!"
But they're just from him?
That's too weird x

Wanderlusto · 22/03/2021 13:44

Could be not just give her one of the gifts then?
Very odd.

thosetalesofunexpected · 22/03/2021 13:52

Its very weird those types of gifts especially !

thosetalesofunexpected · 22/03/2021 13:59

Its over the top extreme kind of behaviour with those kinds of gifts !

Why is your Partner being like this then?
Its like his trying to over compensate or something?

What does he feel guilty/regret about then?
Just wondering about then?
Is he a good father to his children?

Perharps
he was not that good enough as a father or to his ex partner mother of his children in the past then,
and he is trying to make up for this then?

MaMisled · 22/03/2021 14:03

Not weird at all! ExDH and I moved on from each other 18 yrs ago but buy each other lovely gifts for special occasions. Our new spouses also do for their ex.

crispychicken12 · 22/03/2021 14:05

I wouldn't be comfortable with that, seems like they are definitely very amicable to say the least!

If they were from teenage DC and he funded it, that would be different but being just from him feels weird to me.

Tomyoneandonly · 22/03/2021 14:05

Yeah weird. To many romantic gifts for an ex imo

ravenmum · 22/03/2021 14:07

You mean it was for her fiftieth birthday?
Maybe an awkward gift based on a feeling that he should give her something for such a big birthday?

The first birthday after I broke up very painfully with my exh, he gave me a present. I had to tell him I would not be wanting any further presents from him. He has no sense of judgement, though.

TheVolturi · 22/03/2021 14:08

Is it her 40th or 50th?
I can only think it's OK if it's a special birthday, and even then it's unnecessary.

Swordfish1 · 22/03/2021 14:09

Way too much. At most a card and possibly a bunch of bog standard flowers OR a box of ordinary chocolates to keep things friendly, but thats it.
I would find that really strange.

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