Would this bother you?

[TheLost]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 9 months, think he’s wonderful and really see a future for us. He’s divorced, split up with wife 5 years ago after she had an affair and she’s still with the affair partner. 2 teenage kids. He says they are as amicable as they can be but certainly not friends and only spend time together for parents evenings, football matches etc.

It’s his ex wife’s birthday next week and he’s bought her a bottle of champagne, a box of posh chocolates and a massive bouquet of flowers. I said that it was nice of him to get him something for her from the dc but apparently they’re just from him. He let dc choose something for her from Amazon costing up to X amount .

Would you think this was odd? My ex will help dc choose and write in Mother’s Day/ birthday cards but my kids are early primary age. I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable if he gave me traditionally romantic gifts like champagne and flowers just from him. Or am I just overthinking it?

It was my birthday a few days after his and we’d only known each other a few weeks at that point. We agreed no gifts and just did a couple of nights in a posh hotel which we split the cost for. For Christmas I was abroad but he arranged with my hotel for me to have some flowers delivered to my room and had booked me a spa session. No easy feat as I hadn’t actually told him which hotel I was in, he phoned every one on the island until he found my booking. I gave him a book from my bookcase that he said he’d like to read 😬. I didn’t get him anything properly as I assumed we weren’t doing Christmas gifts.

I haven’t spoken to him yet about how the presents were received. I know he just handed them to his dc to give to their mum but they were very definitely from him rather than the dc. If I was her I’d be pretty confused and I can’t imagine her partner would be best pleased. Maybe he’s deliberately trying to sabotage her day? That would be as bad as purposely buying her a romantic gift in my book.

Definitely strange.

You sure they're not from the children and your misunderstanding?

I think helping the children to choose gifts is perfectly fine. Giving romantic gifts himself is not fine.

I wonder how her new partner views it?

For Christmas I was abroad but he arranged with my hotel for me to have some flowers delivered to my room and had booked me a spa session. No easy feat as I hadn’t actually told him which hotel I was in, he phoned every one on the island until he found my booking.
You realise how good this is, right?!

It’s great he did something so romantic for you, he obviously has feelings for you. Just be careful he doesn’t still harbour them for her too. Have you raised your worries with him?

If my ex gave me any gift from 'him' as opposed to the kids I'd be extremely suspicious.

I think this is exactly what he says. Its a bunch of generic presents to the value that is customary for them, all he could get, and with very little thought behind it.
He hadn't even bothered, and then had to chuck money at it at the last minute.
I don't agree these gifts are genuinely romantic, although they might be a romantic cliche.
I'd be more worried if he'd thought and planned ahead and bought something deeply personal and meaningful, rather than that unimaginative haul.