Is there a secret OLD signal for having a high sex drive?

[DivorcedAndDelighted]

I think it would be helpful if mainstream dating sites had some sort of question or filter to help you find someone with a similar sex drive. Eg "How important is sex to you?" and "In an ideal world, how often would you have sex?". But I don't think such a thing exists at the moment. Maybe this is a naive question, but is there some sort of hint that people put in OLD profiles to indicate that sex is really important to them? Because it's really important to me, and if I were to go on OLD again, I'm just not sure at what point you have that convo... "It's not even worth us meeting up if you are a once a fortnight kind of person". There are lots of wonderful people out there, so it's best to be with someone who has a compatible sex drive. But do you have to shag all the frogs first in order to find your Prince? How on earth does this work?

I would also stay clear of someone that stated "I have a high sex drive" in their profile, I have seen it written in profiles, mainly by less desirable men 🤣, to me it crys out 'sex pest'. I've been OLD for years and have met several guys who can talk the talk but can't walk the walk (I could tell a story or 2). Sex is important to me but its not everything and I would rather get to know someone and have a really good connection to them before seeing if we are suited in bed.

@Sunshineandflipflops

Ditto, though we do live together. That said being older we know multiple glasses of wine have the wrong effect!

The higher sex drive men I have had relationships with are the ones I wouldn't have expected to have had high sex drives Yeah, I wouldn't advertise myself as having a high one, as I bloody hate dick pics. I wouldn't engage with someone sending those. Complete turn off (to me).

@optimistic40

The higher sex drive men I have had relationships with are the ones I wouldn't have expected to have had high sex drives Yeah, I wouldn't advertise myself as having a high one, as I bloody hate dick pics. I wouldn't engage with someone sending those. Complete turn off (to me).

Agreed re. the dick pics (tho no harm to those who welcome them - each to their own). I mean, I don’t object to them from someone I am in a relationship with. But I also still kinda think, what am I supposed to do with that? Set it as my screen-saver? Also, they always look the same. So what does one say - “still looking good? And exactly as it did in the other 9000 you have sent me?”. Maybe one should ask for different backgrounds or something? 🤣

@Lovelydiscusfish Agreed re. the dick pics .. Also, they always look the same. So what does one say - “still looking good? LOL! Yeah fair enough, I was thinking more that individual dicks look very different from each other. But lots of pics of the same one might get boring! Maybe a collage screensaver?

@Lovelydiscusfish

See, I think “how high is your sex drive” is unlikely to get an honest answer as, if you are hoping to have a thing with someone (whatever sort of thing that is), you are unlikely to say, “oh, negligible”, as that would probably put most people off.

That’s why I think a question more like “how do you think sex should be ideally”, something like that, is better, as you would be able to gauge from their answer, and level of engagement with the question, how important sex is to them, as well as other (important) things such as whether they are into the same kinds of things as you, at a similar level of adventurousness etc. Somebody not really into sex would probably be put off by a question like that I imagine (I have seen a lot of threads on here which have suggested that a man raising sex at all during OLD chat is a big red flag). And so they would not pursue things further, so it would kind of be self selecting.

Well it might work like that, anyway. Or perhaps my plan is simple and naive?

I think that is a very good plan - thank you! Any man put off by that would not be compatible with me and would probably have been running for the hills quickly anyway. It's an open question rather than one which you could just give a pat response to. I did message with a man once who had "GGG" on his profile. I asked him what it meant and he said it was "Good, Game and Giving" from psychologist Dan Savage's advice for a good sexual relationship. I found it a surprising thing to put on your profile - usefully signalling that you care about your partner having a good time, but of course if they don't ask or know what GGG stands for, readers will miss the point. Also it's like saying you're good in bed, which just seems arrogant. I cannot report on whether he was indeed GGG as we did not meet up!

I used see GGG all the time 😱

I used to put tactile, and say that physicality was important to me. I left exdh because of his non-existent sex drive and I wasn't going to waste any more time not having sex.
But really is just be honest and say mr twice -a-month need not apply, and filter out the weirdos.

[quote DivorcedAndDelighted]@Lovelydiscusfish Agreed re. the dick pics .. Also, they always look the same. So what does one say - “still looking good? LOL! Yeah fair enough, I was thinking more that individual dicks look very different from each other. But lots of pics of the same one might get boring! Maybe a collage screensaver?[/quote]
Collage! Brilliant. I’m going to get working on it now.

I was thinking - I do actually agree that sending pictures when you are just on the brink of a relationship is quite fun and exciting - and certainly a welcome indicator that someone is adventurous and likes sex.

I have never before heard the acronym GGG, but I like the sound of it.....

Even tho I adore my boyfriend, this thread is making me really miss OLD. I know everybody says it’s awful, but personally I loved it! It was exciting and utterly hilarious in equal measure....I used to get my mom to swipe with me sometimes, and I don’t think we have ever laughed so much in all our lives.....

@Lovelydiscusfish Even tho I adore my boyfriend, this thread is making me really miss OLD. I know everybody says it’s awful, but personally I loved it! It was exciting and utterly hilarious in equal measure....I used to get my mom to swipe with me sometimes, and I don’t think we have ever laughed so much in all our lives.....

What a positive attitude! I was only on OLD for a little while as something else has developed, but I found it good fun. I'm not easily offended though. I certainly found some of the advice on this forum to be spot on, especially "it's all bullshit until it actually happens". Was really surprised at the men who would message constantly, apparently really keen, but when I said OK, let's meet up, suddenly they were full of excuses. But they still wanted to message .

@Aisforharlot

I used to put tactile, and say that physicality was important to me. I left exdh because of his non-existent sex drive and I wasn't going to waste any more time not having sex. But really is just be honest and say mr twice -a-month need not apply, and filter out the weirdos.

Sounds really sensible @Aisforharlot, and interesting to hear from someone who's done that. Did you have any negative repercussions from such an up-front profile?

@RAOK

I used see GGG all the time 😱

Did you not know what it meant until now @RAOK?

When I dated I just put asexual in my profile - honest. Then I only got messages from similar.

The higher sex drive men I have had relationships with are the ones I wouldn't have expected to have had high sex drives
That's interesting @optimistic40. Actually one chap I had a ONS with was very mild-mannered and shy but great in bed. If only there was a way to tell!

I ended up joining a now defunct kink-friendly online dating site. Ironically though I was coming at it from the other way - just out of a sexless LTR and keen to just have some fun and nothing serious.

When I met now-DH we had lots of filthy chat about what we enjoyed and literally only met for sex the first few months before we realised all the other stuff we had in common (and I realised he was genuinely the best and kindest man I'd ever met as well as being the filthiest).

We've got two DC now and are permanently knackered and barely alone, but given a hour alone even ten years on our favourite things to do are each other. Uneven sex drive is so hard even in the happiest of relationships.

E harmony has a question about sex drive. Or how important sex is to you anyway. It gives you a % score of how much you fit with people.

I can't believe you'd want to announce you had a high sex drive to nobody in particular. Blimey. Be careful, you will have every sex maniac messaging you.
Even the ones who need viagra and are deluding themselves they're competing in a sexathon

I think my experience of OLD was better than many because I wasn’t actually looking for anything serious (even tho I found it) - I was mainly doing it as a distraction after an upsetting break-up, to stop me texting my ex! I did genuinely want to meet men, but not for anything heavy or long-term. So I wasn’t very invested, so when the men were weird and did or said weird things, I mostly found it quite hilarious.

If I had seen it as a way of meeting a future life-partner, I think I would have found it way more stressful......

Agree about the ones who chat loads and don’t want to meet tho - that’s just weird. I remember with a couple of them, when I suggested actually meeting in person they behaved as if I had proposed we get together and perform necrophilia..... My boyfriend (who had done a fair bit of OLD before we met) said a lot of women were the same - they wanted to message loads but had zero intention of meeting in person......

I mean, if someone wants a penpal, obviously nothing wrong with that. But why not be upfront about it so that the penpal people get matched with each other?

I used to push for a date quite early on, as didn’t want to be wasting my time chatting to someone if nothing was gonna come of it. This would be my policy again if I find myself on there again. Tho the one who is now my boyfriend actually got in first - I think he actually mentioned a date within a few hours of us matching. Because I remember saying to him, that’s not how it’s meant to work, we are meant to exchange endless pointless messages about triviality for weeks, without the remotest suggestion we would ever meet in person, surely?

@Number3BigCupOfTea

I can't believe you'd want to announce you had a high sex drive to nobody in particular. Blimey. Be careful, you will have every sex maniac messaging you. Even the ones who need viagra and are deluding themselves they're competing in a sexathon

Well to be fair, if you get every sex maniac messaging & then can filter it down to the ones who look fit & seem sane, that sounds like an excellent start to me

Don't sex drives change over time anyway?
I was very highly sexed when I first got with my DH as was he, but over time it settles down, and once perimenopause hit we're lucky if it's 3 times a week now. Quality not quantity I tell him!
I think advertising the fact you're highly sexed will result in lots of replies, perhaps from guys who are just looking for NSF.

@DivorcedAndDelighted, I think your last message has made me fall a little bit in love with you! What a pity we are both (I am assuming here, perhaps erroneously) female and straight. “Look fit and seem sane” is EXACTLY where my bar has always been set......

[quote Lovelydiscusfish]@DivorcedAndDelighted, I think your last message has made me fall a little bit in love with you! What a pity we are both (I am assuming here, perhaps erroneously) female and straight. “Look fit and seem sane” is EXACTLY where my bar has always been set......[/quote]
Ah @Lovelydiscusfish, if we ever find ourselves single at the same time we should go out on the pull together. Or at least Zoom call to trawl through OLD profiles together. I think we'd make a great team . Don't forget the first requirement - he has to be a sex maniac. Then we look at whether he is fit and seems sane. If all three, he's got to be good for a date at least!
I am very much female and straight. I'm late 40s and I think by this age, I know how important sex is to me in a relationship . Currently happy with a chap, but if I find myself on OLD again I'll be aiming to follow your positive example.

"Somebody not really into sex would probably be put off by a question like that I imagine (I have seen a lot of threads on here which have suggested that a man raising sex at all during OLD chat is a big red flag)."

But that's a man asking a woman. The other way around isn't the man just going to think 'I'm well in there' whether he's the type OP's looking for or not.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Somebody not really into sex would probably be put off by a question like that I imagine (I have seen a lot of threads on here which have suggested that a man raising sex at all during OLD chat is a big red flag)."

But that's a man asking a woman. The other way around isn't the man just going to think 'I'm well in there' whether he's the type OP's looking for or not.

That’s interesting - I’m not sure. I mean, if the man REALLY wasn’t in to sex at all, or had very conservative attitudes towards it, I think he would likely be put off by such a question.

But I agree that there probably aren’t loads of threads on equivalent mostly male forums (if such things exist) where a guy is saying “This woman I have been chatting to asked me what I thought of sex - should I be put off?” and all the blokes respond “That is SO disrespectful. RED FLAG!!!!”

@DivorcedAndDelighted, really pleased you have found someone who is currently ticking your boxes. (Especially the sex maniac box - the most important one!) Hurrah!