If your mum left /divorced your father and never found somebody new, did you worry about that?

[Number3BigCupOfTea]

Just reading the thread about blended families. Ive been single for nearly 14 years now. Is that bad for DC in a different way? I met some right princes on OLD 😵 so i gave up. Ive been happier since I gave up. But somebody once said to me that it bothered her that her mother had been single her whole life.

Did you get to an age where you began to want your mother to try to meet somebody?
Just wondering btw.
Interested in other people's experiences if they were in the shoes my dc are in now.

My father left my mother for another woman when she was 48. The divorce finally went through when my mother was 50. My mother is Catholic, so are far as she is concerned, marriage is until 'death you do part'...she's never even considered having another relationship. That was 30 years ago...

Personally, I think it's a shame. Myself and my two brothers were all over the age of 18 when my father left - I'd already left home, and I know my brothers wouldn't have been bothered if she had met someone else. I wish I could say that my mother has been happy and fulfilled being single all this time - but she hasn't. She's been angry and bitter ever since my father left and getting older has made that worse. She's lost a lot of friends and family because she is so hard to spend time with - I don't say that having a man would have solved that, but I sometimes feel being on her own so long, she's lost the ability to get on with people.

My parents divorced when I was 5, that was 30 years ago, and my mum has been single ever since. I think she is happy being single or used to it at least. I must admit that there have been times Ive worried about her being alone, like when I moved away to the university I remember calling to check on her! Its also stopped me doing certain things like when I lived abroad for a year I could have stayed longer but didnt. Honestly, I think I would have preferred if she'd met someone but mostly just want her to be happy & I think she is (on her own). Good luck 🙂

I’ve been single for 4 years and my children have asked me quite a few times to meet someone new so they can have a “new dad” (ex is absent) my daughter was quite fixated with it at one point and use to ask me to marry her teacher etc, you always hear of kids not wanting or liking it when their mum meets someone new but that hasn’t been my experience!

I’m probably not your target audience because I was an adult when my parents split. My dad has remarried. I would like my mum to have a partner because I worry about her being hurt & lonely (she didn’t want the divorce) but she’s very sociable & busy, so I think she’s happy as she is really.

@Givemeabreak88

I’ve been single for 4 years and my children have asked me quite a few times to meet someone new so they can have a “new dad” (ex is absent) my daughter was quite fixated with it at one point and use to ask me to marry her teacher etc, you always hear of kids not wanting or liking it when their mum meets someone new but that hasn’t been my experience!

The reality may have been different from the idea

My mum and dad split after 40+ years married a few years ago and I really wish she would meet someone new. I do worry about her being alone, and she's so young (65 and sprightly!) she wants to travel, go walking, go for meals out, but she is of an old fashioned mindset about marriage and won't entertain it. Each to their own I guess but it makes me sad that her only experience of love was with a sexist, selfish arsehole.

My parents separated 28 years ago when I was 12. My mum had a couple of one off dates in the first couple of years that were arranged by well meaning friends! She never went on a 2nd date with them and kept saying she was perfectly happy on her own.

It didn't affect me at all as a child. I still had regular contact with my DF so I didn't want a father figure. But now I am older, and my DM is older I do wish sometimes she had someone as I worry about her being on her own, especially during the last year. I live close to her and talk to her on the phone everyday and during normal times I would see her at least 3 times a week and she would have the kids overnight at the weekend. So now all that has gone I do worry about her being lonely. But she would say she doesn't ever want to live with another man. She is now nearly 70 so I'm not sure how she would meet someone if she ever changed her mind.

My parents split when I was an adult. I find it hard as although mum has lots of friends and is well and very independent I hate leaving after a family dinner or a day together. And with covid it's been so hard knowing that all her daily contact has been cut off. She says she's fine, but I worry.

My mum did not remarry after my dad died when she was 46, she did have a relationship for a bit but it didn't work out. I think she enjoyed her independence and didn't need a relationship, she had lots of friends and a busy social life. I certainly never worried about her.
I got divorced at 46 and thus far have not met anyone else, if it happens fine but I'm not doing OLD so its unlikely. I just asked DS2 if he worries about me...he said no.

Finding a new partner for only matters if he’s a good one. My mum stayed single until I was in my early 20s by choice. She had no childcare for me so until I was a teenager I imagine dating was a bit impossible. Then she met someone she fell head over heels for. It turns out he was a bit of a manipulative arse who abused his own children (convicted for child abuse) and we are now NC.

Given her choice in men (my dad was also a prince!), I wished she’d stayed single forever, but I’m certainly grateful she did while I was growing up. Unless a partner is spectacular, I’m not sure they add much by themselves to children’s lives and I don’t think it’s something many children feel they need.

My MIL divorced my FIL in her 60s. She once told me the last 3rd of her life had been happier than the previous 2/3rds. Don't worry about it.

My mum was alone for a long time until she died. I was always worried about her. And always hoped her life could be better. But it wasn't the lack of partner that was upsetting, it was the lack of friendships. I worried leaving her to go to university and her being alone.

In contrast my grandmother was widowed young and was alone but she was a hoot. Has a super active social life still (Covid allowed), a great circle of friends and activities.

My dad remarried and has been very happy. In a great relationship for the last few decades.

I don't think you need to worry as long as you are happy.

My dad left my mum when I was 6 weeks old after 4 years of marriage, my mum ended up having to go back to work 12 weeks after I was born to support herself and me and moved in with my grandparents, she did buy her own flat and have a couple of relationships as I was growing up but never for very long periods of time, she was with my dad since she was a teen so I think she felt scarred by the whole thing! She ended up moving back to my grandparents when I was 7 and bought them out the house and my gran still lives with her after the passing of my papa she has become my grans career to a degree and I am an only child with 1 dd and a ds on the way, I do feel sad for her sometimes but I believe she is happy and she loves being a gran as she has more time and money than she had when I was a child due to circumstances 💙

I am a fairly young widow, my marvellous MIL was an even younger widow. She has never remarried, saying to be bereaved again would be too much. She has always been vibrant and social. The loss of her DS my DH is overwhelming. Her example has helped me no end, I have no wish to have a new partner.

My mum left when I was 16 and married her current dh later on that year.
I don't think mum would have left if her dh didn't give her a reason to. I don't blame him as mum was unhappy in the marriage.

Dad eventually found someone a few years later and married her but they lived in different continents and only saw each other for maybe a couple of months at a time several times a year.

Dad was widowed when his dw passed away with cancer a few years after. He is only 65 and I would like to see him happily with someone.

My Mum died and 2 years later my Dad found someone 17 years his junior who was only after his money. Thankfully she cleared off when he was terminally ill. My Dad really struggled after she left and we had endless phone calls with him crying.
We found engagement cards after he died and we didn't even know he'd got engaged!
Having single parents I would imagine would be less stressful!

My parents divorced when I was 22. My dad married the OW, my mum has never moved on. Like pp she has become bitter and brings up so many transgressions from the past. It's 25 years on now and she is still alone.
Honestly I wish she had had some inclination to meet someone, she needed to allow herself to have fun. It is a shame that she hasn't.

Thank you for these replies. @noirchatsdeux that is sad. We spoke about our mothers on another thread actually. My parents are together but if my Dad had left or died, I"m pretty sure my mum would have considered it wanton behaviour to date again. She would somehow have had to have gone from meeting somebody new to married. The bit in between, unfathomable! That was part of the reason I messed up such an important choice. (The father of one's children). It's behind me now, and there's no point wishing it were different. But having affection for somebody in a romantic way was somehow communicated to me as a terrible and shameful weakness. But yet, I was expected to get married! (I didn't. I had 2 dc with a wrong un)

I don't think like this at all but perhaps I found it difficult to let people be close so I never managed to get past that fledgling relationship stage.

Oh well, I have always been fine and I will work on being brave not specifically meeting somebody so that my DC don't have to worry about me when they're older.

It is weird though, how, it can change from ''omg blended families, the children must find that very hard!'' to when the DC leave the nest ''oh that woman never met anybody, she's all alone''.

@RunningKatie I think a lot of women of that generation think that they had ONE chance. But then, I suppose it is hard to meet somebody new! I'm open to it! but it hasn't happened, and I wasn't scared to try OLD.
That was the most awful thing I've lived through though! Never again.

@B1rdflyinghigh

My Mum died and 2 years later my Dad found someone 17 years his junior who was only after his money. Thankfully she cleared off when he was terminally ill. My Dad really struggled after she left and we had endless phone calls with him crying. We found engagement cards after he died and we didn't even know he'd got engaged! Having single parents I would imagine would be less stressful!

omg, that must have been hard to watch.

It didn't bother me as she had terrible taste in men.

@StopGo

I am a fairly young widow, my marvellous MIL was an even younger widow. She has never remarried, saying to be bereaved again would be too much. She has always been vibrant and social. The loss of her DS my DH is overwhelming. Her example has helped me no end, I have no wish to have a new partner.

I get this. In the same way that people obviously value their marriage and don't want to jeopardise it, I feel like that about my equilibrium right now. Being content with what you have is no small thing. Why mess with it.

@Givemeabreak88

I’ve been single for 4 years and my children have asked me quite a few times to meet someone new so they can have a “new dad” (ex is absent) my daughter was quite fixated with it at one point and use to ask me to marry her teacher etc, you always hear of kids not wanting or liking it when their mum meets someone new but that hasn’t been my experience!

I can honestly say that not once in the nearly 14 years since I left my x has either of my children put pressure on me to meet somebody. They don't mind being from a single parent family but I just feel it really strongly that they would both hate it if I were ever serious about anybody (chance would be a fine thing) but you know. After they move out, they might give me their blessing and it'll just be too late. For many reasons. This isnt a boohoo sesh, I just won't be bothered.

@AnImposter

My mum and dad split after 40+ years married a few years ago and I really wish she would meet someone new. I do worry about her being alone, and she's so young (65 and sprightly!) she wants to travel, go walking, go for meals out, but she is of an old fashioned mindset about marriage and won't entertain it. Each to their own I guess but it makes me sad that her only experience of love was with a sexist, selfish arsehole.

Would she go on a singles holiday walking the camino? I'd love to do that but my DC are still teenagers, give it five years and I'll be off.

It is certainly unusual for children to want their parents to meet someone I think, that’s why I found it so surprising but could be because their father is absent? Possibly they would feel different if he wasn’t..