Regular poster but NC to not be linked to my other posts.
I've been dating my bf for a year. We met just before lockdown and are in our 30s. Our relationship is good and I have very strong feelings for him. However, we have a problem that his mother and best friend (woman) do not like me and are vocal about it.
We had some arguments a few months into our relationship, mainly about his crazy working hours (that he was volunteering for) which meant we barely saw each other, his flat being renovated meant I was the only one hosting which took its toll, and with lockdown and redundancy fears it was all quite stressful. These have all been resolved now. Unfortunately he discussed these arguments with his friend and mum (he is living with his mum while his flat gets renovated), and because of it they have taken a strong dislike to me. I have met other friends and colleagues of his who have all liked me.
They have not met me yet despite us all living in the same town. I initially assumed it was because of lockdown but even in the Summer when things opened up, there was no interest in meeting me, and he has now confirmed (after I suggested something for this summer) that they aren't interested period. They have no real reason shared as to why they don't like me, other than the arguments put them off, and they didn't like seeing him upset. I imagine he ranted about me to them. But in my defence, the arguments were only over a few weeks, and he acknowledged his role in them and made changes to his schedule to fit me in more.
I can understand his mum being protective and think with time (and when she meets me), will come around. She doesn't dislike me, tbh he doesn't really know what her reservations are other than she said she doesn't think we will last beyond lockdown ending. No reasons given.
However, it is his friend I don't understand. They are very close and from the day we started dating, she had no interest in getting to know me, learn anything about me, or meet me. I never thought anything of it until the arguments started, and she tried to convince him to break up with me. When he didn't she got upset with him and didn't talk to him for a few weeks. When they got back in contact, she still made her displeasure clear and tried to stop him from going on a trip with me. He got exasperated with her and took a bit of space. When they planned to meet up again, I decided to offer a gesture and baked her a cake i sent with him. She refused to take it (he only told me this after I asked him). He got cross with her and asked her to not be rude. When they met up again, and he asked her how she would be if we were to meet, she said she'd be civil and that was it. There are plans being made for June when things re-open and I am not invited to any of them. She won't refer to me as his gf either. Will ask him questions like, 'How's your lovelife?' - one year on. I only know all this because I asked - in his defence he didn't want me to know. But it's getting hard to hide the truth.
I think she has made it clear that she does not like me, and any meeting with her (and her husband) will be awkward for me. She lives closer to him than I do, so they see each other a few times a week (all SD walks). So she's not someone I can just ignore. Also she is part of his core social group as well. I have asked if she has been like this with other ex-es, and he confirmed that she is just very protective of him so has always been negative about anyone he has dated or liked.
This is really getting me down, even though my bf has reassured me that he likes me and doesn't let other opinions influence him. He thinks I shouldn't care about her or his mum, as I'm the one he is in a relationship with. And I have tried that, but everytime he goes off to meet friend (which is 2-3 times a week), I feel anxious and worried about what she will do to break us up. I don't tell him that. And also I feel weird that he has such a large part of his social life where I cannot feature, because she doesn't want me there. Atm it is ok, as we are in lockdown, but as life re-opens how can I be happy with my bf spending most of his free time with a woman who is rude about me, and has openly snubbed me, and is trying to break us up. And having this social life I will always be excluded from.
I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to walk away from all this drama and negativity. But I really like him, and we haven't had any problems since those initial arguments. But i'm very stressed about his friend and how much she will be in his life (and I guess mine) - I have never had someone openly dislike me this way and it upsets me. He re-assures me that she can't influence him, but I question how he can be happy hanging out so much with someone who pretends his gf doesn't exist. But I would never give an ultimatum, as I want this to be something he resolves himself.
What would you do if you were me? My ideal situation would be she decides to be friendly and welcoming and makes it less awkward for me. But based on recent conversations and the fact I'm excluded from plans makes me think this won't happen. How do I deal? Any advice welcome as I'm feeling very low atm.