Narcissist relationship

[Happy202]

Hi all
I am looking for some advice.
My other half doesn’t live with me but we have been together for nearly 5 years.
I found out last year he has been sexting for 3 years behind my back, this was awful but I kind of accepted it as his behaviour is so bad and I thought it would be a fresh start.
The relationship started to be on his terms, more time on his own less with me and my kids and the physical side of our relationship got less and less.
Now he makes that part of the relationship awful, like he is going me a favour.
I feel so so low and just want out of this but I fear being on my own and hate the thought of him moving on.
Any advice would be appreciated x

@Ruminating2020
Thanks.
It such a mix of emotions. I will look forward to my new life x

That's fantastic news, I'm sorry, I've struggled to come onto this thread because it reminds me of how oppressed I felt at the end of my narcissistic relationship. I felt crazy at times. Unsure of who I was anymore because I had turned myself inside out trying to get the relationship to make sense.

It's so brilliant that you have made this decision. I guarantee you, in a years time life will look very , very different. What's next? Well the next bit isn't going to be easy but it's definitely going to be worth it. The next bit for me was educating myself about why I let myself be in that relationship for so long, even after I knew/ suspected that he was a narcissist. We have this in common. I was high in empathy and low in self esteem, these made me desirable to him, and vulnerable to abuse. I think you are the same. What's next is getting through today. Keep posting and I, for one, will endeavour to reply to your posts. This is an amazing thing. You are so much closer to getting your life back and it's on its way to being better than it ever has been.

I am so happy to hear that.

@User54877
So sorry, please don’t apologise for not replying.
It just bring back some horrible memories.
Thanks for the support, I feel a bit numb and drained.
I was kind of prepared for it but he delivered one final blow or drama that kind of took it out of me.
One last act of selfishness and evil.
It’s been a tough day.
Thank you xx

Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just staggering how low they can go!, Trying to make sense of it makes you feel almost disorientated. It's a gift for you in the long run though, that he did this last painful move. Something to remember when you think "was it ever that bad, was it me? No , it was never you, it was the creep that stole your heart so he could play with it. Fucking arsehole that he is.

I hope you feel better, do something, anything , for you. Some self care. Even if you feel absolutely nothing while doing it will help you get through tomorrow a bit easier.

Get a good night's rest xxxxx

Get out, run.

You should put the safety of your children and yourself first, and of course, your mental health.

Nobody should exert such control on another or make them feel the way you do. Also, you saying you are aware of his behaviour suggests you accept it.

You are worth more than this. I came out of a narcissistic relationship, only 4 months, but my god it was awful.

X

@February9
Hi
Thanks, so glad someone posted tonight.
I am out but I am struggling a lot.
It’s been a couple of weeks and I was okay but I have hit a wall.
I hate myself for missing him xx

No don’t hate yourself - if ever you want and need to chat you can message me privately. I can give you my email.. then number.
It’s normal to miss someone but there is light. Just remember - there is more negative than positive to be gained by staying with someone like that.

You and your children deserve better.

You are bound to experience some ups and downs, that’s normal when you end any relationship but especially ones where there have been issues like you’ve experienced. This will pass as you re-adjust to life without him in it.

Don't hate yourself for missing him. Do you think it may be trauma bonding? Just remember the pain he inflicted on you and any longing for him may fade with time. If it helps, keep a journal of how you feel or type it into a document. It may help you stop ruminating about the what ifs.

Stay strong. You do not need him, you need to heal and recover.