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Original poster

No acknowledgment of Mother's day

81 replies

FiFTM · 14/03/2021 12:03

I'm feeling a bit low this morning, I'm mum to a lovely 2yo boy and pregnant with our second child. My husband has not acknowledged the fact that it's mother's day in any way and I feel quite sad about it. Obviously my son has no idea, he made a card in nursery which was lovely but I was expecting a card and a "happy mother's day" today from my OH. I got a card made up for his mum, gave her a pressie yesterday as we wouldn't be seeing her today, so he didn't even have to focus on getting her anything. I was the one who got up with our son this morning, fed him, played with him... I just feel a bit let down. He had said during the week that he was trying to get a nice restaurant meal delivered today but couldn't get a response from the place, so I actually mentioned this today to see would it even prompt him to realise the day it was but no. This is just a bit of a rant here but I feel really let down. Probably pregnancy hormones too playing a role!

OP posts:
Midlifephoenix · 14/03/2021 12:52

My husband has passed away but he would help the kids make me breakfast. And we'd have a nice lunch.
My teenage son asked me three times yesterday what I wanted for breakfast today, and earlier this morning (but well after I normally eat breakfast) I heard him banging around in the kitchen, my daughter appeared to be 'standing guard' at my door, I waited, and waited, and ....nothing. As it approached 11 I'm about to eat my arm off but I knew they had planned to make pancakes and I thought maybe he had run out to get my paper....
I gave in texted my daughter saying I was kinda hungry and should I go make my own, who then texted my son (big house) and eventually breakfast arrived. I am a bit disappointed to be honest.

CoffeeandCakeEqualsLove · 14/03/2021 13:00

YANBU to expect at least some form of acknowledgment.

But 100000% stop organising Mother's Day gifts for his mom. If he doesn't even have to think about his mom for Mother's Day, he's not going to think about you too.

PrimulaAuricula · 14/03/2021 13:23

He had said during the week that he was trying to get a nice restaurant meal delivered today but couldn't get a response from the place
Do you live somewhere rural with no food delivery. Just Eat etc?

ordinaryman · 14/03/2021 13:26

I sympathise. I think a father should express his own appreciation too.

I used to buy my wife a Mothers Day card (as well as ones from the kids), until last year she got really arsey with me like I was the worst kind of weird for buying her a card and present, and said "Why are you giving me a card - I'm not your mother!"

I briefly tried to explain that it was because she is the mother of my children and that I felt it was right (and romantic, I would have thought) to express my gratitude for that and for all she does for our children.

Apparently I was wrong.

freezingmarch · 14/03/2021 13:29

It wouldn't have taken much to get your son to toddle in this morning with daddy's help and give you the card he made at nursery and maybe a bunch of flowers or chocolates sourced by daddy and encouraged your son to say happy Mother's Day and give you a cuddle. Anyone who thinks that's asking too much is a twat quite frankly.

GreatTeaMonkey · 14/03/2021 13:30

You have to vocalise things because if you don’t you’re going to end up resenting him. How is he going to know if you don’t tell him? Silent tears won’t achieve much.

GreatTeaMonkey · 14/03/2021 13:32

Also stop getting things for his mum, that says everything. It’s his problem if he doesn’t. Stop rescuing him he’s a grown man.

Lovelydiscusfish · 14/03/2021 13:32

Oh of course she wants him to acknowledge it. DD’s dad got me flowers and a small gift and I am not even with him any more! It doesn’t take a lot.

Let him sort his mum out himself next year, and also tell him you are disappointed in him.

Lovelydiscusfish · 14/03/2021 13:33

@ordinaryman

I sympathise. I think a father should express his own appreciation too.

I used to buy my wife a Mothers Day card (as well as ones from the kids), until last year she got really arsey with me like I was the worst kind of weird for buying her a card and present, and said "Why are you giving me a card - I'm not your mother!"

I briefly tried to explain that it was because she is the mother of my children and that I felt it was right (and romantic, I would have thought) to express my gratitude for that and for all she does for our children.

Apparently I was wrong.

That’s not very nice of her - is she often like this?
ordinaryman · 14/03/2021 13:44

@Lovelydiscusfish

Sadly, yes. Lots of problems in our marriage I could expound upon, but I best not derail the thread.

Original poster
FiFTM · 14/03/2021 13:44

Midlifephoenix sorry to hear about your husband's passing. PrimulaAuricula no we live in a city, we will probably get a takeaway, this was a fancy restaurant that was doing special mother's day menu that he had been trying to get. Look I'll get over it today, I'm just off a very loud video call withy mam and sister where mothered day was mentioned several times so if he hasn't got the message by now it really is a lost cause!

OP posts:
Original poster
FiFTM · 14/03/2021 13:46

Ordinaryman I'm sorry you're not appreciated, it sounds like you could be damned if you do, damned if you don't!

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 14/03/2021 13:51

[quote ordinaryman]@Lovelydiscusfish

Sadly, yes. Lots of problems in our marriage I could expound upon, but I best not derail the thread.[/quote]
Sorry to hear that - it sounds like you were just trying to be thoughtful, and even a cursory glance across the boards here today shows that many women would really really appreciate that, rather than putting you down for it.

@FiFTM sounds like you are feeling slightly better about it now, which is great, but please don’t minimise your feelings or your right to be upset!

Hope he got the message. Xxx

Newmumtobeee · 14/03/2021 13:57

Some posters are quite harsh. YANBU, schools always have a day for their pupils to make cards which is lovely for them to feel like they’ve done some art and great for you to have a cute present/reminder. However, your other half should’ve gone out with your child and picked something up for you to show his appreciation for all that you do.

Stop buying things for your partners mum, if he forgets to get her things, that’s his problem and maybe a reason why he doesn’t see Mother’s Day as important or worth remembering because you do it for him. He will see his ways when he stops being dependent on you.

I hope your day improves x

wrigglewriggles · 14/03/2021 13:57

@FiFTM
I'm with you on this one. An acknowledgment and appreciation of you as a mother no matter how small would be nice from the father of your children.
I've gone 8 years with maybe a passing 'happy mother's day' at some point during the day. I remember being in floods on my first few mother's days. Bit dramatic perhaps and very reflective of the relationship as a whole. Now the eldest is of an age he understands and made a card which he kept hidden until this morning. This made middle child feel sad as she hadn't made anything so I promised her we could get the paints etc out today so she could make something. Their homemade cards and hugs mean so much than some half thought out gifts and cursory greetings with no thought behind them. Hold on a few more years until your child understands the meaning behind the crafts made at school.

Dottybirds · 14/03/2021 13:59

Yanbu sounds like he’s very unappreciative of both you and his mum

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2021 14:15

@Wtfkqtxnrkatxjrk

Your child already made you a card. Why do you want another one?

You're being ridiculous.

Oh do fuck off.

Why is it so hard to acknowledge someone else's feelings?

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2021 14:17

@FiFTM

elphabaTheGreen sorry you're in the same boat. I'm not very good at vocalising these things, but I think I'll have to try!
Do.

And don't organise anything for his family in future. He needs the practice

SionnachGlic · 14/03/2021 14:24

He can't read your mind either. I know it is not much to expect a card but if you are too bothered about other occasions, why would he think is any different. Ypu got a handmade card on Fri, the best one of all, can't be beaten by any shop card...maybe he thinks that & doesn't get it. You need to tell him what you think & how ypu feel..otherwise small resentments are harboured & creates frictions & cracks. Just tell him if you feel he has made no effort or not enough or if you shouldn't have to buy for his Mum etc...

SionnachGlic · 14/03/2021 14:25

'NOT too bothered...oops!

sleepyhead1980 · 14/03/2021 14:57

My husband used to be the same. I was also really upset by it, I get it completely. My kids are now 2 & 5 and I have told him he needs to start doing this kind of thing and involving them. I don't want them to grow up disrespectful and selfish. I'm sad I had to basically force him but felt it necessary. I also used to buy stuff for his mum but stopped when I had kids myself and got nothing. Didn't see why I should do it for him when he was getting nothing for me, I was enabling him

lynsey91 · 14/03/2021 15:05

I don't blame you for being upset. A card made at nursery is lovely but a little gift would have been nice maybe with another card given on the right day.

I don't even have children but every year DH gives me a card and presents from our dogs. This year they got me a lovely indoor plant and a really lovely garden ornament.

He knew I would be upset today as my mum only died at the end of January so he organised a lovely afternoon tea to be delivered

sleepyhead1980 · 14/03/2021 15:23

@ordinaryman

I sympathise. I think a father should express his own appreciation too.

I used to buy my wife a Mothers Day card (as well as ones from the kids), until last year she got really arsey with me like I was the worst kind of weird for buying her a card and present, and said "Why are you giving me a card - I'm not your mother!"

I briefly tried to explain that it was because she is the mother of my children and that I felt it was right (and romantic, I would have thought) to express my gratitude for that and for all she does for our children.

Apparently I was wrong.

You were not wrong
Treacletreacle · 14/03/2021 15:37

I think the first year after my son was born my partner did nothing and when I moaned he replied that I wasn't his mother. So when father's day arrived he said "is today father's day?" To which I replied "yes I've brought my dad some slippers and I'm going to go and see him now" and off out I went. He has since got much better.

TeaAndStrumpets · 14/03/2021 15:38

@lynsey91

I don't blame you for being upset. A card made at nursery is lovely but a little gift would have been nice maybe with another card given on the right day.

I don't even have children but every year DH gives me a card and presents from our dogs. This year they got me a lovely indoor plant and a really lovely garden ornament.

He knew I would be upset today as my mum only died at the end of January so he organised a lovely afternoon tea to be delivered

This made me cry. I'd give anything to be able to send a card to my Mum. Your DH sounds lovely Flowers
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