Is this petty re: mothers day

[Lullaby88]

I don't know what it is but everytime mothers day turns up I start off with not expecting much from my partner. But then I see him going all crazy for his Mum and it makes me feel like why cant he just suprise me. He actually wants to get his mum really nice things that I love! He says to me il give u money and u can buy anything u want and that he would buy me dinner and flowers too. Theres no suprises i just know what im getting. We do this for birthdays as we have been disappointed in th past with gifts so we just tell eachothr.what we want. But for mothers day id like to be suprised.
Tbh if he never did all this for his Mum Id be really happy with just lunch.
Anyway this time he said hes going to get my childs picture and his mums on a cushion and i had to tell him that why cant u suprise me like that? Im her actual mum and i dont have that? It sounds cringe and awful but it bothered me. So he said oh no here we go. I had a full blown rant at him telling him he can think of all the nicest things for his mother but not for the mother of his children (im pregnant) could be hormones raging tbh but i blew up at him. I stopped him from buying that gift and he said he wont get it. Now i feel sheepish as if he gets me something it wont b genuine. Also his mum never expects much from him he just goes all crazy. I have nothing against her.
Later he was talking to his aunt and she asked what hes doing for mothers day and he said id better do somethin orelse il b in trouble from wife and laughed it really annoyed me even if it was a joke.
After that i told him i want nothing. Just lunch and dinner would b good and some rest. Anything else will be fake.

Did i over react over this whole thing or would it piss you off too?

I never really understand it when I read on here that Mother's Day isn't the responsibility of a partner until the children are old enough to go shopping themselves. Personally I think it is possible to make two people feel special on one day.. . It's not a competition, her partner buying her something doesn't take away anything from his mum (unless it does for financial reasons!)
We don't make a huge issue of either MD or FD, but whoever's day it is gets a little treat and a day about themselves. When I met DH he also took on my very young DS and started helping him to spoil me on MD. DH now doesn't have a mum himself, but that would have continued.
Father's Day - both my dad and DH get treated. I'd find it odd if I only focussed on my Dad, DH does so much for us as a family and I want his children to show it, why wouldn't I? Does he only become a father once they're old enough to sort it themselves? That's weird to me.

However OP, I think you have confused matters with your previous issues with surprises - I'm not surprised your DH doesn't do anything if he thinks you don't want it. My DH wouldn't! He can't think outside of the box like that!

I think you need to apologise for getting upset with him, explain why you're upset and hopefully going forwards he may do something.

I think you're being a bit silly about wanting to be surprised. He was going to do a nice thing for you and his mum. If present giving and birthdays etc has led to you both agreeing to "stay on list", why are you expecting mothers day to be magically different?

Unless there's something more going on in your relationship and you don't feel loved and valued day to day, you've acted like a bit of a jerk.

I think people are being a bit harsh, mothers day is for celebrating mothers, not just your own mother. My husband helps organise my 12 year old to get me something thoughtful (not even his bio child) cause he wants to celebrate me being a mum, not his mum. I like to celebrate my mum friends. Being a mother is hard work and we get 1 day a year where we get a bit of fuss- imo you're not unreasonable just wanting a bit of thought put into it, doesn't have to cost much, as they say, it's the thought that counts and it sounds like thats what you have an issue with? That he is making a fuss for his mum but not the actual mother of his children? Happy mother's day for Sunday

I think you sound childish and quite irrational. He is treating his mother for Mother’s Day. You are not his mother, when your children are old enough, perhaps they will take a leaf out of his book and treat you as nicely as he treats his mother, assuming you don’t stop him being nice to his mother before then.

You both have a track record of complaining about disappointing birthday presents and don’t bother with that much any more, so no wonder he doesn’t try.

For the posters saying she isn't his mother and the children can do it when their older, where are they going to learn this? Nursery?
Surely a partner should role model how lovely it can be to do something.

But OP think you've confused things by telling him previously not to bother. It all sounds a bit confused now.
Talk about it with him

*they're

I think you are being totally unreasonable.

You aren't his mum. He wanted to do something lovely for his mum and your spite stopped him. Did that make you feel good?

Sorry, OP, but you sound needy and unpleasant to me. Try to change that. His mum sounds lovely.

I get that you want him to help your child do something for you for mother's day. Tell him thst.

But now you've thrown your teddy out of the pram and his mum who usually gets something thoughtful (the cushion sounds naff but he wanted to do something nice for her - how many people don't even bother?) and now she ets nothing or something rushed? Gang your head in shame.

Do you have a mum?

Also don't agree not to do something for Valentine's day then be pissed off when he keeps to that. Be clear about what you want. You're sending very mixed messages.

It's great he's doing nice things for his mother. It's also important that he does something nice for you, being the mother of his children. While many will say, you're not his mother, you are the mother to his children. It's nice to mark the day and I'm sure you do for fathers day.

I use to get snide comments from inlaws when dh would buy me things. But what they didn't understand was that my children were too young to buy things. I don't understand how people think young kids can go off and buy things. It takes no time to organise something from the children. Plus the kids do be delighted handing over presents.

Maybe he thinks you like what he gets, it's nice what he does and many would be delighted but if you would prefer something more along the lines of what he gets his mother, then you need to tell him.

I'm glad my own dh did mark things like mother's day as it taught my kids, now they go off and buy their own presents and don't need reminding from dh or help from him. Same with birthdays etc. And hopefully when they have their own kids, they do the same.

We did all the crafty gifts too, with 5 kids it adds up. But he needs to organise this if going down that road, not you. No point you making your own mother's day card.

I would expect my partner to make more of a fuss about his Mother on Mother’s Day than me. I thought that was usual 😬

Honestly you're being a brat. You stopped him from getting his Mom a nice present because you only get money and flowers and dinner

How old is your child? Surely he can take your child shopping for something if they are old enough to understand.

What happens for father's day?

[quote Lullaby88]@londonscalling we did that once and agreed no mothers/fathers day or valentines celebrations this year. I still expected he would just get some flowers though lol but nothing. Pissed me off.[/quote]
I'm confused. You agreed no mothers/fathers day or valentines celebrations but then still expected him to get flowers? You need to communicate better and not agree to no celebrations but still expect celebrations.

Yeah, OP isn't his mother. But surely it's a basic parenting thing to sort out with your child a mothers/fathers day gift/breakfast/treat?

I mean even my dad used to organise me and my sister with cards when we were small, and toast and tea in bed on the day. And he was an absolute abusive wanker!

Ah sorry OP I see you cleared that up.

Wait and see what he does this year now you've had a chat. But I wouldn't stop him doing something nice for his mum.

@LocalHobo

But you are not his Mother? I don't understand why my DH would get me a gift for Mother's Day. Once your DC starts nursery you will be overwhelmed with scribbles and tat. That is what it's all about with little ones, not expensive gestures.

Ffs she is the mother to his children would it kill him to get something on the children's behalf? Until they can do it for themselves? Its not that hard

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Yeah, OP isn't his mother. But surely it's a basic parenting thing to sort out with your child a mothers/fathers day gift/breakfast/treat?

I mean even my dad used to organise me and my sister with cards when we were small, and toast and tea in bed on the day. And he was an absolute abusive wanker!

Not on MN. It's school responsibility once they there, and then the child can request parental supervision to the shops but no parent should ever instigate present buying on behalf of a child without that child's explicit request

He is giving her money as they do for every other occasions due to previous disappointments. So he isn't doing nothing. He is doing their standard. OP is manning because she wants a 'surprise' and is annoyed that he buys his own nun a gift. Perhaps his own mother doesn't suffer the same 'disappointment' OP seems to be afflicted with.

Moaning. Not manning

I think parents should model behaviour to their kids - showing you appreciate & value them and each other is a good start.

Op's husband clearly appreciates the value of Mothers Day as he puts in effort. The Op wants the same for herself. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to think ok I'll guide the kids now so that they can do it when they are older.

I don't celebrate Mother's Day at all - can't stand it and neither could my mother so that's what I learnt!

STBXH didn't get me anything for Mother's Day until after we had a child - I'm not his mother.

He sent his mum a card from himself only - mine to my mum was just from me.

I can never understand the cards I see "To Grandma on Mother's Day" -

I think a small gesture is nice, when the kids are too young, so something like a card, some daffodils, breakfast in bed. Something to acknowledge it.

I would fully expect a partner to do more for his mother than his partner. I find it kinda odd to want to be getting the exact same. You’re not his mum.

This sounds like you’re jealous and a bit grabby of what his mum gets snd you want it too. So the feelings aren’t coming from a good place.

Telling him you want, lunch, dinner, rest, seems like enough already. But you still want more. Gifts, and it needs to be a surprise too. It’s all a bit much,

I think you need to examine what’s causing you to behave like this and address the root cause, Ie are you insecure in your relationship or maybe a very jealous person, and how do you resolve that. Blowing up because you want lunch, dinner, rest, gifts, surprises, is a quite ott.

I can never understand the cards I see "To Grandma on Mother's Day" -

They have their place. I was raised by my grandparents so am very grateful these cards are available in most major retailers. I won't be the only one either.

STBXH didn't get me anything for Mother's Day until after we had a child - I'm not his mother I don't think anyone saying you should get your partner a MD card before you have kids together...

Fair enough activitythree but then I don't like any writing on/in cards really - prefer my own message