Continuing Marriage After an Affair

[spongebobscaredypants]

Has anyone done it successfully?

I found out my husband had contacted a prositute, he visited her, he denies he went through with anything but had arranged to go back.

I caught him he didn't fess up. He's totally remorseful and I think he's sincere that he won't do this again.

It's nearly 2 months down the line, he was kicked out the night I found out and isn't back home. With the passage l
Of time the crying has stopped and I'm not angry anymore. I'm hurt but I mainly just feel really sad about the loss of my family unit. I miss him so much, we've been together 15 years and have 2 primary age children.

I am half considering counselling with a view to attempting to try and forgive.

I guess I just want to hear about experiences, did anybody manage to move on from the betrayal, if so do you have trust again? Did anyone try and regret it? And for those that chose not to try again are you in a better place or do you regret not giving it a shot?

Guess that's my worry that I'll spend the rest of my life regretting not at least trying

Thank you for all your strength xxx

One night I woke up in the middle of the night for a wee and he had gone, I totally lost it, left the house searching for him leaving my kids alone.

Where was he?!

Oh yes the phone thing. I got paranoid about his phone (and have since been twitchy about subsequent partners and their phones). I remember doing crazy things during the time I knew he was having an affair just looking for more and more evidence. It's not the way to live. So has he moved out?

Him swearing on the kids' lives would have done it for me.Vile thing to do anyway, and in my experience it's something that only accomplished liars do.

He shagged her. Used a condom, but he shagged her.

Just wondered how you are @spongebobscaredypants ?

He's still lying to you though so clearly has no respect for you. How stupid does he think you are?

He is still lying to your face.

There is no way he did not have sex with the prostitute.

That you believe him is the last hope you have that he didn't go through with intercourse. Did he pay her? I bet so.

He did - so move forward knowing that sex did occur & he is still being untruthful.

One night I woke up in the middle of the night for a wee and he had gone, I totally lost it, left the house searching for him leaving my kids alone

Where was he OP?

This man has blatantly shagged the prostitute.

Decree absolute today 🍾🍾🍾

Not the update I was expecting, but definitely the one I was hoping for!!
I know you might be shell-shocked for a while, but congrats on starting the next chapter of your life without that scumbag dragging your self esteem down

Well done, you have been brave and now you can truely move forward to what you deserve-- happiness.

Hi, there seems to be an awful lot of negativity here, you miss him and there are a couple of children involved, this could have been some dumb mistake , a stupid ill conceived need for some excitement rather than him actually wanting to connect to another woman emotionally , I take it you didn't find messages to work colleagues or you best friend on there ? Personally I think give the devil you know a chance, the world is not an ideal place and few relationships are perfect and trouble free . I have a far from perfect relationship but we are together as we have children and they need stability and we get on Ok , could be worse!

Wow OP! That must have taken strength. Well done for your courage. Was it based on what you knew or was there more?

Sorry I'd not kept up with the threads. But I did give him another chance. I think I was mid way through it during this thread. Mother's Day he took the dog for a walk, left his phone, the Friday before he spent £500 on two prostitutes , he then spent the night back in our bed on the Saturday.

No one deserves a third chance.

To loose everything, to see the devastation it caused, to be given a second chance and to do it again.

No

@spongebobscaredypants I'm so sorry that he proved himself to be a disgusting, lying shit, but so glad to hear that you're now away from it. I wish you a happy life moving forward.

What a stupid fool— you sound a lovely person-

What a bastard, you’re well rid, but you know that. Yay for you and your children. I truly hope you live your best life now.

Best rid. I cannot fathom why men risk everything for illicit sex. Really I can't. Would love to know why.

It's not just what he has admitted to (which is bad enough), it's the capacity for deception and compartmentalisation, that he has. This is his way of dealing with things, not honesty and transparency. Do you really know him OP? I'm sure there will be more to come out and you'll spend the rest of your marriage wondering about what he is really doing - its not worth it.

I think you are hankering after your old life but that’s gone, tarnished forever. Your husband is a cheat and a liar and for the sake of your sanity it’s time to instigate divorce

@BarbieBrat

Former sex worker here. Forced not by choice.

The only people who ever came and didn’t have actual sex were actually single men. No married man ever changed his mind. He is lying and therefore cannot possibly be sincere.

My heart goes out to you

Spongebob, thank you for updating. I had wondered about you. Wow, he really is beyond the pale. Kudos for drawing a line and choosing a brighter future!