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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What was your 'enough is enough' moment?

117 replies

mae2014 · 10/03/2021 13:52

Hey,

Really struggling at the moment to bite the bullet and walk away from my relationship. I don't want to but I know I need to..

What was your moment in your relationship when you just said enough is enough? I've been hoping and praying for an infamous 'one day i just woke up' but starting to feel like that never happens :(

And if so, are you glad you did? Did it take you long to heal?

xxx

OP posts:

HazelBite · 12/03/2021 00:05

I woke up one morning with my eyes so sore and swollen from crying I realised after my marriage of 14 months, I couldn't go on and I had got beyond caring about any criticisms anyone was likely to give me for not "trying" any harder at my marriage, what was the point when there's only one of you "trying"
When he left it was like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders.

NoShitHemlock · 12/03/2021 00:36

I was heavily pregnant and he was having "problems" at work (later found out he had been stealing thousands of pounds which I never saw a penny of, but that's a different thread). My mum was taken into hospital and spent 2 months in ICU and I thought she was going to die.

He phoned me twice during the 2 months. Both times it was to talk about him - telling me all about what he was doing and how he was applying for a driving license to help him work and how many job interviews he had gone to and how hard his life was.

No asking after my mum or me or how the baby was. No offering to come to the hospital or to come to my house to stay with me. No offering to bring shopping round or to cook or even just to be there as a shoulder to cry on.

The 2nd phone call finished it for me. It's been nearly 20years and I haven't heard from him since, not even to ask what sex the baby was.

hadtojoin · 12/03/2021 02:15

I told my BF I thought I might be pregnant, we had been together for 2 years. His first words were 'Is it mine and are you going to keep it ?' - We had a break for 6 weeks and had been back together again for 4 months at that time.
I wasn't thank goodness and I told him it was over as soon as I knew it was a false alarm.

MadsMikkelsensCat · 12/03/2021 03:10

I'd been married 20yrs, violence, sexual assaults, threats to kill if I left. It was Christmas night, less than a week after my sister died, he threatened to kill me if I didn't have sex with him. I decided there and then that I was leaving even if he did kill me I'd be free either way.
Well I stuck to my guns, he broke down crying begging me to stay but I left.
It was rough for a long while, I feel I'm recovering as if I've been through a massive accident, PTSD - the works... but I did it.

3yrs down the line I have my little house, garden my pets and we are FREE and SAFE! I only wish I'd had the balls to walk away sooner instead of wasting my life like that. Don't be like me, don't wait.

Mysillystory · 12/03/2021 07:37

@toolatetofixate and @rulerbirds

I got a friend to take me home, I told them to wait in the car and drive away as soon as I got back to the car. I walked in, picked up my daughter, and walked out. He followed, pushed me around a bit, then I got us in the car and my friend drove off.

I left with £7 in the bank, my mobile phone and what we were wearing.

He reported us as missing to the police. I spoke to them and explained the DV we had experienced and we went into a refuge.

We now have a house, we're happy settled and safe, and he's being investigated for child related sexual offences.

toolatetofixate · 12/03/2021 09:38

[quote Mysillystory]**@toolatetofixate* and @rulerbirds*

I left with £7 in the bank, my mobile phone and what we were wearing.

He reported us as missing to the police. I spoke to them and explained the DV we had experienced and we went into a refuge.

We now have a house, we're happy settled and safe, and he's being investigated for child related sexual offences.[/quote]

Jesus. Well done you! What a reprehensible cunt. Your friends and family must be very proud of you for being so strong. I hope he gets what's coming to him.

ViolaValentina · 12/03/2021 09:55

LTR not marriage (thankfully), the final straw was him explaining in patronising fashion that it's not really cheating if you have sex with someone else altruistically. Apparently she was a friend and she was distraught because after her 3rd boob job they still weren't perfect and she wanted to look amazing for her big princess wedding a few months later. So he was just trying to make her feel better about herself. What a gentleman!

Fucker. I do regret not telling her fiancé though, but at the time I just wanted to walk away from the drama.

giggly · 12/03/2021 10:51

@Charlottejade89 sorry to say but you do know he’s not going to change is he? I know it’s a huge thing to be left with two dc so young but if you think about how stressed he makes you feel as well as worthless and all the rest can you I mange being free from all the pussy footing round him. Us women and mothers deserve more than these pricks offer, you can raise your children yourself.
I thought about ending my 26 year marriage for a few years but my lightening moment was when I looked at my dc and thought I don’t want them to think this is what a good relationship looks like. Their mother always making the piece and expecting so little from a father/man/ partner.
4 years on our life is just lovely, hard work for sure as full time working line parents with a less than interested father.BUT we have no stress in our home now and they know for sure their value as little women without a crap father ebbing it away.

AnotherBoredOne · 12/03/2021 19:27

Mae you are too young to be stuck in a dead end relationship. These should be the fun times. I think you need to be selfish and think of yourself and leave. Can you go back to the Uk?

Cinderstella · 12/03/2021 23:05

I put up with far too much in my first marriage but the final straw was when my young son’s friend’s mother came over to my house, walked straight in and removed her son without word of explanation. She looked furious and said he could never come to play again. Then she pulled him away and wouldn’t answer when I asked why. My son was in tears. I
Turned out my then DH had told her she had no business taking her disabled so to the Boys Brigade as it was no place for him.
I had put up with so much from DH too numerous to mention here but I certainly wasn’t going to have him ruin my son’s friendships.

Eesha · 13/03/2021 07:57

It was NYE and ex was drunk on the sofa, one minute nice, next telling me to F* off as I went to the kitchen. It was just another drunken day. He went on and on screaming at me, punching the sofa as if to say this could be me. I stood there and looked at him in my face and thought I don't want the children (then newborns) to think this was normality. I told him I was done. Cue him chasing me up the stairs, threatening me etc. He moved out 2 months later after I found him somewhere to go. I think we all have our tipping point, that was mine.

Itstimetoquit · 18/03/2021 19:06

When my partner of 12 years and dad to our son told me he had spent all our money on cocaine 4 days before xmas! 2 grand to be exact, kicked him out I'm not having that crap in our lives x

wewereliars · 18/03/2021 20:04

So many but I knew we were done when, having spent 2 nights in ICU with my 10 year old daughter following an asthma attack she had had(she had not been diagnosed with asthma before then, so everything was a complete shock) she had been minutes from death when collected by the ambulance. The hospital warned that we could lose her. Anyway, having spent 2 nights with her in ICU I had gone home ON the 3rd night as she'd come off The ventilator so out of the woods. In the car onthe way back in to see her the next day, he picked (yet another) fight with me over literally nothing, we got to the hospital. He was still ina temper, I told him to fuck off as Ididn't want my daughter to see him like that. He did, for ages. Still ina mood when he re appeared at my daughter's bedside. I knew that was that.

Umbivalent · 18/03/2021 20:15

@mae2014

I could, and I think that's whats going to have to happen when I decide to leave but I just find it so hard to bite the bullet :(

His daughter will be over tonight so it'll be playing happy families after everything hes said to me last night. I'm torn between leaving before he gets home to stay with a friend or seeing what happens when he gets home.
But I feel like regardless of whats said, him telling me ' i dont love you as much as i used to because you're wrecking my head' is just going over and over in my head :(

You've posted about him before haven't you OP?

Look, there's nothing keeping you in Ireland. He's even told you that it's your fault he doesn't love you so much Get out now. Don't waste any more of your life on him.

Alcemeg · 18/03/2021 20:27

My moment of truth was not anything he did. He'd done some terrible shocking things over the years, and some more trivial stuff, and when I felt upset about things I had no idea whether it was a big thing or a little thing, I just lost track of it all really.

What did it for me was writing stream-of-consciousness one morning, and suddenly I saw I'd written "I want to live alone. I want a place of my own. I want my own space." and it was like about 40,000 volts going through me. I knew it was the truest thing I'd thought in years, perhaps ever, and I had to act on it.

BaskingMad · 19/03/2021 01:30

Just to say, me and ex had issues beforehand but they were never good enough reason to leave. He has however left a good job to build his own business. No income from his side for 1.5 years, my worries and questions were all dismissed. I realised we were heading towards a cliff edge financially with him still unwilling to talk about how we are going to pay for xy and z. I then realised after yet another attempt at financial chat with him that this is going nowhere and i don’t trust him to not lose althe house or rack up massive debts - only because he just didn’t fancy working for someone else. That was my wake up moment- i had to protect myself and dc financially. The relationship was nonexistent by then so it was easy emotionally.

IJustWantSomeBees · 19/03/2021 09:15

@Charlottejade89 it sounds like you already are a single mum to be honest. You deserve better.

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