What was your 'enough is enough' moment?

[mae2014]

Hey,

Really struggling at the moment to bite the bullet and walk away from my relationship. I don't want to but I know I need to..

What was your moment in your relationship when you just said enough is enough? I've been hoping and praying for an infamous 'one day i just woke up' but starting to feel like that never happens :(

And if so, are you glad you did? Did it take you long to heal?

xxx

It was our daughter's christening. He told me that any other woman wouldn't have been so selfish and would have had a termination (for context we'd been together many years and DD was planned). I realised that I'd been clinging on to false hopes, and that it might screw me up (my choice) but it wasn't going to affect my daughter.

Mine was also alcohol-related - finding an empty rum bottle hidden in the bedroom. I already knew he had a major alcohol problem, but couldn't cut myself loose, despite many difficult conversations on the topic. Seeing that bottle just did it. I gave him a rehab or divorce ultimatum, rehab failed because he didn't want to stop, he became very abusive and in the end the police were involved in his removal. 8 months later he was dead.

Life is great now.

We'd been married 5 years when he said "I don't think I've ever loved you". I left the next day, not wasting my life on that shit

After I said I wanted a separation, he commented that I did not try hard enough to work on our marriage after he confessed to five infidelities. Bearing in mind four of which I discovered many years after they occurred. Some days I could barely function. My whole marriage has been a lie. I assumed we were both committed and loyal but the reality was he pretended to be loyal while secretly repeatedly cheating behind my back.

Infidelity is cruel, callous and abusive.

We'd had a year long separation during which he'd bought a house using money he conned out of a girlfriend. Within a couple of months of us moving in together he said the immortal words "While you're living on my house you'll do as you're told." The following day I packed a case and never looked back. I was very naive and stupid, but not THAT stupid.

[quote mae2014]@Wurrg its so difficult. Especially when they keep promising things will get better but then make no effort to improve and wonder why you get frustrated! :([/quote]
Exactly this, he was furloughed last yr whilst i continued to cook, clean, shop, care for the kids, home school / prepare school work in the evenings after my work. He enjoyed the TV, tick tock etc. I have asked for support periodically for the last 5-10 years.... i decided this year enough is enough

@BurtonHouse

We'd had a year long separation during which he'd bought a house using money he conned out of a girlfriend. Within a couple of months of us moving in together he said the immortal words "While you're living on my house you'll do as you're told." The following day I packed a case and never looked back. I was very naive and stupid, but not THAT stupid.

I love hearing women's stories of not taking any shit.

Gaun yersel!!

When he screamed at the thought of spending time with me even though I was the only person to cook for him, care for him and bring him lecture notes through his acute bout of depression.

Not when he verbally abused me in a packed lecture theatre because he freaked out over maths he hadn't done.

Or when he flicked dishwater at me when he was picking a fight with me.

Turned out that what I thought was acute depression was he fancied someone else (she didn't) and that it was his ACTUAL personality.

He was actually shocked when I told him I wasn't going to cook for him or do his laundry anymore.

I was running round like a blue arsed fly preparing the house to have a new heating system fitted. Exh was laying on the sofa watching as he had as I'd got dd to school. I asked if he was going to give me a hand and he replied "I have no interest in anything in this house, so no" . That was my moment, he had said out loud what I had always suspected but he would deny. He'd gone within a month, I've never regretted it.

We'd had an argument where he'd yet again rubbished my feelings...I'd asked him to show he was committed by organising us done counselling...
We had another row where he said he'd not bothered because he was quite happy and when I lost it and shouted at him how miserable I was, he didn't speak to me for 3 days. When he tried to make up, he said "are we going to sort this out?" And I just said "no". He packed a bag and was gone within 15 minutes.
We were divorced within 3 months, house sold and all done.
He saw his son 3 times in 6 months with constant nagging and then fucked off. Haven't seen him for 7 years and neither has his son.

Not a marriage. My first serious relationship. When he said if you go to University I don’t know if I would be able stay faithful.

I got my degree 3 years later.

When the abusive prick got angry as he drove up my road with me so fast in anger to scare me he almost drove over my cat. Thanks to lockdown I gradually extricated myself. Hope his dick falls off.

He ruined Christmas Day for me and our 2 yo DS by staying up all night drinking then sleeping all Christmas Day. I had a wedding invite for a friend and I realised I would rather go on my own and be a saddo (I didn't know anyone else there) than go with him. We didn't live together so when he left to go back to work I told him not to bother coming back. Haven't seen him for 28 years and my DS shows zero interest in finding him, fortunately.

@LizzieMacQueen

An old boyfriend --- when he pulled my hair out in an argument 😟. Game over.

@LizzieMacQueen God how utterly pathetic. Like something a 3 year old would do.

Pulling the Christmas tree to the ground in a drunken rage.

I got in my car drove to his dads, gave him my house key and told him his son was no longer my problem.

OP,
Sounds like you are a convenience.
He certainly doesn't care for you.

Do you do childcare for his child?

Your relationship bar is very low.

Don't pay an attention to promises, always look at actions not words.

When my daughter aged 6 said that she’d do something when she’s an adult and then paused before adding if my husband lets me. I didn’t leave then but it was the start

When he punched the kitchen wall hard enough to break his hand, and was shaking with anger, because id been doing bedtime "wrong". 1st night home with dc2, 3 days old, following a traumatic birth. I'd been trying to put dc1 to bed, aged18 months, while dealing with dc2. HE had never done a bedtime. It was another 9 months before he left but that was the moment.

The text message (I was out at the time on my own, daughter with him) "if you dont want to be with me then don't bother coming home and you won't sèe (daughters name) again. otherwise if you come home then you will have to be a better wife in bed"

@Mysillystory

The text message (I was out at the time on my own, daughter with him) "if you dont want to be with me then don't bother coming home and you won't sèe (daughters name) again. otherwise if you come home then you will have to be a better wife in bed"

Jesus Christ. What did you do? Whatever it was I hope it hurt him!

@BurtonHouse you have reminded me of something. Husband saying "I put the roof over your head." Like I was some charity case or he was doing me a favour. His idea was I would do all the housework and he would come home to a fresh cooked meal every night. All while I caring 100% for newborn.
He was so shocked when I divorced him.

@curiouslypacific how lovely. So so lovely to read. How did you meet? Just sounds wonderful. Kindness. It’s not too much to ask right

@Mysillystory oh my god!! What did you do?

It's strange how you can take a lot of shit then something small and it just clicks.

I was 18, first boyfriend, he was slightly older. I was with him 11 months.
He needed constant validation I liked him so would often end things and see my reaction then take it back. He would call me ugly, see my reaction then take it back and make me think I was over reacting. He made comments on my physical appearance, finished me when I was travelling back from a girls holiday then when I turned up at his house, he acted as if nothing had happened.

He completely ignored me at his friends party all night and then at the end when I asked why, it wa because I didn't stand next to him in a photo.

The last straw was when he refused to see for 2 weeks as he would be training for a new job (he worked the normal 5 days a week and would be home by 4pm) and that's when I realised what a cunt he was. Never messaged him back, best thing I've ever done.

I really struggled as I wanted to leave for ages, but somehow it was never quite bad enough to trigger (what felt like) such a monuments decision. Then I read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it really helped me.