"@Lolapusht OP was on maternity! She started working again with an 8 week old baby to help the family finances. He has obviously increased his debt while she has been on maternity instead of reducing spending due to decreased income because his partner was, yi know, growing and nurturing their child. She also used her savings to supplement their income. From your posts, you seem to want the OP to not only provide for the family (maybe she could take on a 3rd job?!), she also has to do childcare, housework AND provide unflinching support for her DP because he’s depressed that he’s gotten himself into so much debt. WTF?!
OP, how long did it take him to run up £50k? "
You have totally misunderstood my point. I see OP was working but , if it was a few hrs a day while on maternity, that huge deficit in pay could have impacted family finances greatly. Maybe being on maternity , "yi know" , increased expenditure as baby needed stuff. In my experience " growing and nurturing children " cost money . I have had 2 , now grown so i know just exactly how much.
The amount of debt that has been accrued while op and her partner have been together is £43k not £50k. £7k is inherited debt before OP met partner but was aware of. I did ask OP what this joint £43k has been spent on but no clarification.
I wonder if OP's DP has been trying to feed and house his family on effectively one low wage .. "yi know" while OP has been at home for 8 mths, " growing and nurturing children" and working less hrs. It would be helpful if OP could clarify exactly what that £43k debt is made of, baby stuff, food, cot and pram, baby clothes, household repairs, replacement appliances, take aways, car maintenance, boiler service, frozen pipes, leaks, plumbing, ? Sick cat. Who knows. That shiz all got to be paid for by someone, while we are growing add nurturing children !
We all grow and nurture children children but them bills still need to be paid!!!!! How has this £43k been amassed?
Until we know for sure how this debt has been accrued, we cannot judge the OP's DP.
" (maybe she could take on a 3rd job?!), she also has to do childcare, housework AND provide unflinching support for her DP because he’s depressed that he’s gotten himself into so much debt. WTF?!"
Yes, because that is what lots of other people do in this similar debt situation and make ends meet. "yi know"!
This is the man that OP chose and this is the man that OP has had a child with. Op working and using savings does not say she covered half of all household expenses, food and additional baby expenses. Big difference.
Op's DP has accrued £43k of debt while with the Op. This is almost 7 times the amount of debt he had before he was with and entered into a relationship with Op. If he has spent it on wine, women, song, gambling and Xbox then fine, leave.
Until OP comes back we don't know. Leave him and walk away advice... not great advice if OP and birth of child has been a contributory factor to his debt accumulation and mental health deterioration.
Until OP confirms what this money ( £43k ) has been spent on, we cannot say.
@Lolapusht growing and nurturing children is admirable, but you have to be able to afford it. To suggest the OP's DP should have reduced his spending is ridiculous. A new baby and a partner on maternity/ reduced hrs would have significantly increased his spending. Hopefully Op will come back and conform what that money was spent on.