DTD - how long 'should' it last?

[altmember]

I know there's no set answer to this, but I seem to take an age to reach orgasm. Usually takes an hour or more (up to 2hrs) of PIV for me to get there. I'm a healthy average early 40's man, and it never used to take this long - only over the last 5 years or so.

My partner orgasms fairly easily, usually lots of times before I do myself. We always have extensive foreplay before getting to the main act, so sex can last for hours. Occasionally, we give up before I get there (fair enough). A couple of times she's said I need to work on my quickies, which I've interpreted as a hint that she wants the sex to be over quicker. Early on in the relationship she mentioned that she was worried it was down to her - doing something wrong, or me not fancying her I guess. I've assured her that's not the case (and it's not just happened with her, other previous partners too).

I've read online that the average duration for sex is about 5 to 7 minutes, so I seem to be a long way from that. NHS website suggests a condition of 'delayed ejaculation' is when it takes longer than 30 to 60 minutes, but I don't think any of the causes apply to me. I've not sought medical advice about it yet. It frustrates me though, and I'm trying to not to stress about it because I expect that'll only make things worse.

Asking on here for a woman's perspective - is 5 to 7 minutes really typical? Is a lot longer offputting? Any suggestions how to make it happen quicker?

Up to two hours! Bloody hell I'd need to break for a snack.

10 mins fore play 5-10 mins full sex is probably our norm.... works for both of us and normally both orgasm. we rarely get 30 mins to ourselves let alone 2 hours 😄

Are you taking any SSRI's?

OP your sessions sound like mine and my partners - he has been diagnosed as having delayed ejaculation HOWEVER I see this as a benefit as our sex sessions are delicious. The more we do it, the quicker they have become too. For a while we took orgasms off the table as he was feeling the pressure to cum, hence making the problem worse. Through this we developed a great bond - talking about sex in serious and less serious ways helped remove a lot of the worry and anxiety about it for both of us. Keep talking with your partner, when sex becomes another topic that you can talk about freely, the easier you can address anything together. Good luck.

Oh my God. I'd jump out the window. An hour to two hours, the poor woman must be raw.

Jesus. Anything more than 10 mins PIV is a chore!

15-20 mins foreplay, and anywhere between 5-30 mins sex. I’d really not be up for 2 hours PIV! However your partner seems to.

15 mins foreplay and then up to 15 mins sex is our usual.

It's never been that long.

20 mins foreplay and 15-20 minutes PIV is ideal for me.

After 30 mins of PIV I'd be sore and giving up!

Just actual piv I would say varies from about 5 mins (very rarely) to about 20. Over 30 and I'm pretty keen for it to end.

Ours take an hour too and we enjoy that than the 5 mins.

20 minutes is more than enough, ideally less.

I love sex but virtually never orgasm with intercourse.

Am I bothered?

No.

There are ways and means.

You are unique. You are not everybody else.

Two things are springing to mind:

Why do you feel the need to ejaculate?

I would advise studying male tantric practices, they specifically guide men not to ejaculate!

Perhaps consider your partner more..... I mean really you honestly think she wants it that long? Sorry but I’d find that such a huge turn off! I’ve dated a guy who took 45 mins minimum to reach climax, yet he wouldn’t stop or feel satisfied until he did. He complained that his ex didn’t want sex with him, and I very quickly realised I didn’t too! Yet he was so self absorbed he had no idea it was all his fault!

I hope you’re not like that

30mins all in. It’s enough.

have you seen your gp for advice about this ? piv more than 10 minutes gets tedious for me tbh, i before foreplay and toys.

I enjoy sex but two hours straight and I would be raw. Ten minutes is usually enough for me to finish twice. I'd prefer it to be less unless we have the house to ourselves but never up to two hours!

Why do you feel the need to ejaculate?

Umm... probably for the same reason you’d want to orgasm. It’s fun up to that point, don’t get me wrong, but the ejaculation is the mind blowing bit.

And if OP’s partner isn’t fussed about 2 hour sessions then she’d probably not enjoy the whole tantric vibe.

I prefer maybe 15 minutes more often (if possible), in some cases like 30 mins is good. Have been with people who take ages and often require ages of oral and it felt like hell by the end. I wouldn’t want to do it with them because I’d know I was signing myself up for way way way too long a time and a bit of frustration by then.

Is there anything you can do to speed up, does it have to be PIV? It’s A LOT for anyone to deal with regularly. A doc might be able to help, or there might be some techniques?

PiV sex usually lasts around 10/15 mins with my partner though

Have to admit I'd not cope with that...

I do have adhd, so don't do anything for very long but I'd also get very sore.

@PaterPower

Why do you feel the need to ejaculate?

Umm... probably for the same reason you’d want to orgasm. It’s fun up to that point, don’t get me wrong, but the ejaculation is the mind blowing bit.

And if OP’s partner isn’t fussed about 2 hour sessions then she’d probably not enjoy the whole tantric vibe.

You’ve obviously never read up on male ejaculation, orgasm and tantra then! If you’re a male I’d advise learning a bit more about your own body as men DO NOT have to physically ejaculate to have an orgasm! HTH @PaterPower

Woah 2 hours is a long time, I wouldn't fancy 2 hours of just PIV tbh