DTD - how long 'should' it last?

[altmember]

I know there's no set answer to this, but I seem to take an age to reach orgasm. Usually takes an hour or more (up to 2hrs) of PIV for me to get there. I'm a healthy average early 40's man, and it never used to take this long - only over the last 5 years or so.

My partner orgasms fairly easily, usually lots of times before I do myself. We always have extensive foreplay before getting to the main act, so sex can last for hours. Occasionally, we give up before I get there (fair enough). A couple of times she's said I need to work on my quickies, which I've interpreted as a hint that she wants the sex to be over quicker. Early on in the relationship she mentioned that she was worried it was down to her - doing something wrong, or me not fancying her I guess. I've assured her that's not the case (and it's not just happened with her, other previous partners too).

I've read online that the average duration for sex is about 5 to 7 minutes, so I seem to be a long way from that. NHS website suggests a condition of 'delayed ejaculation' is when it takes longer than 30 to 60 minutes, but I don't think any of the causes apply to me. I've not sought medical advice about it yet. It frustrates me though, and I'm trying to not to stress about it because I expect that'll only make things worse.

Asking on here for a woman's perspective - is 5 to 7 minutes really typical? Is a lot longer offputting? Any suggestions how to make it happen quicker?

Wham, bam, thank you mam for me. I literally want to come and go. If it was taking DH two hours I'd ship him down to the GP. Who has time for that?

God,I couldn’t cope with 2 hours, 20 mins is about right for me, maybe less as long as we are both satisfied.

I’d be getting my crochet out after 45 mins and angling for a coffee😩

Plus it sounds quite chaffing!

If your partner is genuinely happy that’s fine, if they or you are uncomfortable with the length of time it takes, may be worth discussing it with your GP.

Can the snack break and crochet be simultaneous, unlike the orgasms it seems!!!

No way could I take 2 hours - fucking hell. Are you sure her multiple orgasms aren't just to try to get you to finish?

20-30 mins all in. Occasionally longer but we aren't fit enough for marathon sessions being middle aged!

I'd have my Kindle Books back catalogue projected onto the ceiling or the wall.

(I wouldn't really, I'd be long gone)

Has it always been like this?

Do you masturbate? If so how long does it take you to ejaculate?

@Lamentations

No way could I take 2 hours - fucking hell. Are you sure her multiple orgasms aren't just to try to get you to finish?

That did cross my mind, too. Multiple Meg Ryans, as it were.

TWO HOURS?!! Poor bloody woman.

Oh god that sounds ridiculously tiresome. I'd have lost interest after 10 minutes max.

Very little actual advice and much confidence knocking. Nice.
Anyway I'd probably see a doctor to clear up any avenues that could be health related

Does it take that long when you go it alone?
Do you watch porn whilst masturbating?

I couldn't cope with 2 hours, once I have come I get bored!

I totally agree iamtheoneandonlyyy!

Sex is so different from person to person and couple to couple. Please OP, do not be put off by the comments about not liking sex if it goes on for longer than 20 minutes . Your partner obviously does, it just needs some open discussion so it gets even better for both of you.

Is she actually finishing multiple times or faking to hurry you up/get it over with?

I’ve dated one man who took forever, which was fine as so do I and actually I never actually finished with him as he was all about his own end goal. It was good sometimes, and sometimes really dull.

Basically that’s a bloody long time, you need to see GP about delayed ejaculation (could be Ads or drinking?), check you partner is genuinely ok with it, and maybe stop always trying for the end goal and enjoy the sex. Take the pressure off.

2hrs is definitely much, much longer than the average for vaginal intercourse. I've only ever known men last that long in quite specific circumstances, sometimes involving intoxication, sometimes physical problems.

I think first off there's several things you could consider that might be affecting things. What things have changed around the time that it started to take you longer? Lots of things to think about but for starters I'd be looking at
Prescribed medication change - e.g. blood pressure meds or antidepressants
Change in general fitness levels e.g. started or stopped a sport or activity, gained or lost a significant amount of weight
Change in other physical health conditions like diabetes, blood pressure, heart disease
Medical urology treatment or trauma - e.g. vasectomy, circumcision, orchidectomy
Significant change in living situation - new partner, bereavement, change of job, young children, etc

From a personal point of view, if I was your partner I'd be seriously chafing at 2hr sessions and I would take it as a kindness if you were able to finish off with oral or hand (assuming this gives you a quicker result.)

Mine usually takes about 10 minutes, but when he was addicted to porn, or even watching it once the day before, it would go on FOREVER and he couldn't finish unless he did it himself. Not sure if that's helpful!

Well my DH could last for ages
However he has very very sensitive nipples
So when I’ve had enough I just have to squeeze or bite them and it game over for him 😂

Ouchy

I don't like foreplay and 20 mins PIV is fine for me! I'd be really sore after more than about 30 minutes.

Have you tried doing pelvic floor exercises to help ejaculation?

Has it always been this way? If not it could be a medical issue.

I'd be mentally writing my shopping list if the whole shebang lasted more than 30 - 40 minutes.

Can't relate as in a female x female relationship and the sex is notoriously known for lasting an absolute age (2 hours plus)

But it's fantastic.

Is it a lot quicker when you masterbate? If you've got a tight grip then sex may not be stimulating you nearly as much, you're also getting older and that might be starting to have an impact. You must be exhausted after 2 hours, I'd have given up an hour and a half before that. I'd cut out all masterbation/porn for a bit and see if that makes a difference. If not go see a doctor.

OP this is a very good topic! People rarely discuss it. My DH can take a long time and it's not my style or the way I like sex. I love him and find him very attractive but I think he has issues with delayed ej. I googled this as I was wondering if I was going mad but apparently the optimal time is 12 mins. I'd say we're 30mins minimum but easily 1hr plus. The long sessions make me feel really stressed at instigating things and impact my confidence and enjoyment. I think you need to do two things. Most important is talk to your partner. Maybe she's afraid of making things even longer by putting pressure on you. But it's an important conversation. Just say 'i read that sex is best when it's around the 12 mins mark. We're wayyyyy off that with me taking ages. What do you think? Would you prefer shorter? Should we explore how to reduce the time it takes me?'. Second thing is doctor. Find our how you can improve this. If she's happy enough it's no real problem but if she's not entirely happy about it, it will slowly eat away at your sex life.

Fellow man here. While the occasional two hour session is possible (alcohol delays me a lot) it certainly isn't the norm, and I think my partner would get put off if I took that long regularly.

Couple of questions, apologies in advance if they're more information than your willing to give!

Is it just PIV that takes this long? - I sometimes struggle to come from PIV, I find that doggy style tends to solve that issue fairly quickly. It may be worth experimenting with different poisitions to see what works.

Does it take that long if you masturbate? - If so, teach your OH some techniques that work when you try it.

Has it become a "thing" - Are you in your own head worrying about it taking too long that your inadvertently making it take too long? - Get drunk!, or stoned, or watch porn, or TV, or something to distract you from the worry.

Are you on antidepressents, or any other medication? - Talk to your GP, even if not on anything, they may be able to help.

Above all, talk to your partner. Sex should be sexy, but it can also be funny, awkward, weird, boring, a chore. You say you've "interpreted" this, "believe" that. You need to talk about it, at a time when you're not having or after sex. Ask questions about whether she enjoys marathon sessions. Explain that it takes you longer than most people to finish, and that its not a reflection on your partner if you don't come.

And you need to accept that sometimes it ain't gonna happen for you, you may need to toddle off to the bathroom to finish yourself off.

I couldn't do 2 hours of continous PIV. Long shag sessions are great but I'd be walking like I lost my horse for a week.

I wouldn't say DH and I's average is 5-7 minutes, probably nearer to 15 minutes of PIV but much more time spent doing other things.

I'd suggest speaking to a GP, it sounds like a form of ED that could be caused by something fixable.