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Original poster

He said I'm too needy..

57 replies

PandaEyes00 · 01/03/2021 19:51

Just that really and it fucking hurt.
I like kisses and cuddles I love him for christ sake why wouldn't I enjoy kisses and cuddles with the love of my life.
It's not constant, not like I'm always in his face.
A kiss before we leave for work, a kiss when we get home and sometimes cuddles while we're watching a film.
I'm I too needy or is he just being a prick?

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 01/03/2021 19:52

You are not too needy. He is not being a prick. You have different standards and expectations for what you each consider normal and acceptable. You need to reach a compromise or accept that you're too different and move on.

DidYouTouchMyDrumKit · 01/03/2021 19:53

Is he your husband? Your boyfriend of a year? A bloke you met last month?

Original poster
PandaEyes00 · 01/03/2021 19:56

Boyfriend.. Been together just over 2 years

OP posts:
honeysuckle21 · 01/03/2021 19:58

You are just normal, he is a prick

AsymQuestion · 01/03/2021 20:02

Prick. It doesn't get better, craving basic touch and kisses from someone who doesn't need or want it from you, and moreso when you're told you're needy for wanting simple intimacy. It will never feel good after this. Sorry, just experienced the same.

Cockenspiel · 01/03/2021 20:04

Sadly it sounds like you’re not well matched and have different needs.

For example, I wouldn’t mind the the morning and evening quick kiss and maybe a cuddle. But having to have ‘cuddles’ on the sofa every evening would actually get on my nerves a bit: not least because it’s just not very comfortable really.

Some people just aren’t very touchy feely.

If he was touching a lot before and has suddenly changed that, then that’s probably more of a red flag though.

autumnalrain · 01/03/2021 20:05

I don’t think any of you are in the wrong. You just like different levels of affection.

Have you started been a lot more affectionate recently?

DarthWeeder · 01/03/2021 20:06

My ex was needy and the levels of physical affection he wanted make me feel claustrophobic even now, just thinking about it.

But what you've described, if that really is it, is not needy at all.

DidYouTouchMyDrumKit · 01/03/2021 20:08

It's very hard to say really. Without being a fly on the wall, it's difficult to know who is unreasonable

The language you use to describe him sounds a teeny bit claustrophobic ... 'why wouldn't I want cuddles with the love of my life?' ... so there could be something to examine there

So on balance I couldn't call him a prick or anything - because he could have a point

RosieGuacamosie · 01/03/2021 20:10

@BlingLoving

You are not too needy. He is not being a prick. You have different standards and expectations for what you each consider normal and acceptable. You need to reach a compromise or accept that you're too different and move on.
This. The posters calling him a prick are wrong. You just have different levels of affection, neither is wrong but you both need to decide whether or not this is a deal breaker for you.
TheByngster · 01/03/2021 20:12

This will not improve. My husband is not tactile at all unless he wants sex. We have well matched libidos but I’m so fed up of it, that it turns me off.

SwedishK · 01/03/2021 20:16

I think neither is unreasonable. It could also be because of lockdown. You don’t get as much time apart as you used to I’m guessing. I am definitely much less affectionate with my husband these days because he’s just always right there and annoying me.

billy1966 · 01/03/2021 20:16

The fact that you use the word prick,make me think you have suspicions that he might be being deliberately unkind.

It may be that he is not what you need if he doesn't enjoy affection.

What is the rest of your relationship like?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 01/03/2021 20:17

When you say "a kiss" do you mean a quick peck on the lips, or a full on snog? Because the former to me is normal, but french kissing on my way out the door would be OTT.

As a PP said, I find sofa cuddles quite uncomfortable, and if I'm watching TV I'm usually doing something else with my hands (like knitting) so cuddling isn't really practical. But what I REALLY find intolerable is someone putting their feet in my lap. Fuck no!!!!

I am quite non-tactile though. I really only like to be touched during sex.

Suzi888 · 01/03/2021 20:18

Depends how it was said, if I was tired or rushing around, stressed? I wouldn’t want someone puckering up either. It’s not a particularly nice thing to say to someone, I’d probably rephrase it ‘not now love’. But men can be blunt! Only you know the tone used and if you are mismatched affection wise and how he acts day to day.

Unanananana · 01/03/2021 20:19

Its hard to judge. Are you normally a physically affectionate couple? Or is this calling you needy a new thing? We need a bit more info rather than just labelling him a prick or you as needy.

I couldn't stand 'cuddling' on the sofa every night. It sounds claustraphobic tbh. If he has had a stressful day he may be less likely to want cuddles? I just want to be left alone for a bit if I've had a lot going on.

sunnyzweibrucken · 01/03/2021 21:09

@TheByngster

This will not improve. My husband is not tactile at all unless he wants sex. We have well matched libidos but I’m so fed up of it, that it turns me off.
My ex was the same. He only touched me when he wanted sex which was a major turn off for me.

Oddly enough my ex was VERY affectionate with his daughter and his dog but never with me. So it wasn't that he wasn't affectionate which would've been easier to accept as that would have been his nature. He just chose not to be affectionate with me.

OP, this wont get better. You will have to decide if you can live with it and be at peace with it or not and leave.

lunarlife · 01/03/2021 21:36

Honestly I really don't want cuddles on the sofa from the love of my life.
But there isn't anything wrong with wanting it, you just need to find someone else who is looking for that.

BibbityBobbety · 01/03/2021 23:51

You're just mismatched OP. You need someone who enjoys affection and being tactile as much as you do. Plenty of men out there who will happily cuddle you and kiss you.

He either just isn't built like you to want the same or being deliberately nasty (if he's just withholding from you). This incompatibility will grate as time goes on. I'm like you, very affectionate and all my partners have been the same as me. You are NOT too needy, and he should not be saying that to you. Find someone who loves a cuddle as much as you do!

clpsmum · 02/03/2021 00:07

Dump him and see who's the needy one then!

Onthedunes · 02/03/2021 00:08

Not a nice thing to actually say.

Tell him you will try to be less needy and find someone who needs you.
Sounds like he's deliberately trying to withhold affection.
This will get worse.

NotAgainNoMore · 02/03/2021 00:15

I think it's pretty normal to have a quick peck on the cheek to say hello or goodbye. Constant cuddles on the sofa or in bed would really piss me off to be honest. It's nice once in a while but all the time, no.
If you are craving that constant contact then I'd move on as he's obviously not happy with it and you'll end up miserable. Neither of you are wrong, just mismatched.

gutful · 02/03/2021 00:44

It's hard to say.... if he was rushing out the door late for work, do you still expect a peck on the cheek goodbye? As another user asked - when you want a kiss before work what type of kiss do you mean?

A quick peck is a lot different to a long lingering kiss goodbye each day

Also agree the language used to describe him sounds suffocating to me: "Why wouldn't I want cuddles with the love of my life?" That sounds a bit as though you expect others to express & receive love in the same way as you. He may love you very much but not crave being cuddled, at least not every day.

It sounds like you're fundamentally mismatched.

Geppili · 02/03/2021 00:49

Leave him just for using the word needy.

SandyY2K · 02/03/2021 00:52

You're mismatched in that area. If those things are important to you in a partner, then he's not the one for you.

Don't stay together for years..have kids and complain about this when you knew what he was like.