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Relationships

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Original poster

He said I'm too needy..

57 replies

PandaEyes00 · 01/03/2021 19:51

Just that really and it fucking hurt.
I like kisses and cuddles I love him for christ sake why wouldn't I enjoy kisses and cuddles with the love of my life.
It's not constant, not like I'm always in his face.
A kiss before we leave for work, a kiss when we get home and sometimes cuddles while we're watching a film.
I'm I too needy or is he just being a prick?

OP posts:

FifteenToes · 02/03/2021 01:02

Some people just aren’t very touchy feely.

This^

But, having been married to such a person for twenty years, I did eventually find myself wondering what they understood a relationship to be and why they didn't just go and live with a friend.

RantyAnty · 02/03/2021 01:04

He decides after being together for 2 years to just now mention this?

Do you live together?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2021 01:08

You need to accept that he will never give you what you need. I would be moving on, because this will never get better.

MMfanalltheway · 02/03/2021 01:15

I'm not terribly tactile, so someone wanting to cuddle me every evening would make me want to get up and go for a run to just breathe. You should find someone more attuned to your needs. You're not 'needy', you just have needs that make him uncomfortable.

BuggersMuddle · 02/03/2021 01:23

You mention kisses on leaving etc. but I do wonder whether the level of natural physical intimacy you both want is too different regardless. I'm sure you could coax him to kiss you upon leaving assuming you're both up and about, but that won't fix a natural mismatch if it's a need on your side and duty on his.

DH and I are fairly touchy feely, but that expresses itself as an hand on the waist when we meet in the kitchen, a casual holding hands out and about, a touch when passing. Choosing to snuggle up for a film (instead of multi-task, drink wine, just sit really comfortably) is an occasional thing in what is already a quite tactile relationship. Is he casually affectionate, either verbally or physically?

CattyCactus · 02/03/2021 01:30

I have a real aversion to the words cuddle, cuddles, snuggle and snuggles.
Far too many of them on this thread!
Not necessary for adults to be doing that on a regular basis. Have a hug. Don’t cuddle or snuggle. 🤮

Dery · 02/03/2021 01:34

Agree with PP - neither of you is in the wrong but you sound a bit mismatched.

gutful · 02/03/2021 01:35

@CattyCactus Yes! Also have an aversion to these "cutesy" words & also terms like "suckle, coddle, babble" etc.

Having a "snuggle or cuddle" sounds babyish to me - a hug doesn't.

Yes I know this is my issue

Kids cuddle - Adults hug

CattyCactus · 02/03/2021 01:38

@gutful glad it’s not just me!
Probably explains why I prefer a hug to a c***. (Get off me!)

MorriseysGladioli · 02/03/2021 01:41

I wouldn't enjoy cuddles and kisses being expected from me.
It has to be naturally occurring, not because someone expects them.

OhCaptain · 02/03/2021 01:53

Why is this suddenly an issue after two years?!

CouldntThinkOfAUsrname · 02/03/2021 02:02

I’m beginning to think men have the emotional depth of a teaspoon. You are not too needy, it’s normal what you described.

MMfanalltheway · 02/03/2021 02:18

@CouldntThinkOfAUsrname

I’m beginning to think men have the emotional depth of a teaspoon. You are not too needy, it’s normal what you described.

Some of us have said it's not normal.

gutful · 02/03/2021 03:04

I don't think it's fair to say this is an issue with "men having the emotional depth of a spoon"

Am female & would not like to feel pestered to kiss & hug my partner by them demanding that

What if was content to sit on the couch watching TV but didn't want to lay there in each other's embrace as want to browse the internet at the same time, or lay a certain way which isn't condusive to hugging?

It puzzles me that someone can see cuddling as a requirement when watching TV together as anything other than needy or controlling.

Perhaps being Italian & also introverted have had a lifetime of enough kisses hello & goodbye to not care for any more. It's entirely possible to have an authentic greeting/goodbye without having to kiss someone.

I don't think physical touch is something which should be/feel forced, then it's not genuine.

As another poster said am more of the type to engage in small touches, like when you brush past each other in the kitchen or maybe feet touching while on the couch etc. For me less is more.

This isn't a male/female thing.

ruledbynine · 02/03/2021 06:43

Oh I had this from my husband. I’m too needy. So I stopped. No hugs, no kisses, no affection. Now he isn’t happy that I don’t give him any attention at all. You can’t win with some people. With hindsight I should have left him when he started complaining about my levels of “neediness”. My advice would be you’re not compatible and to go find someone who does want to be with you how you are

sunflowersandbuttercups · 02/03/2021 09:03

@CouldntThinkOfAUsrname

I’m beginning to think men have the emotional depth of a teaspoon. You are not too needy, it’s normal what you described.

I'm female and if my husband decided he wanted to lie on the sofa cuddling every night it would be extremely off-putting

I don't think I have the "emotional range of a teaspoon" I just don't feel the need to be touchy feely with people. I don't think that makes me a bad person, anymore than OP wanting cuddles makes HER a bad person.

They just have different wants and needs when it comes to physical contact.

Outbutnotoutout · 02/03/2021 09:09

God if that is all you ask, then I'm positively needy.

We cuddle, hold hands, kiss all the time, snuggle up on the sofa, in bed. We are always touching.

Perhaps he just isn't huggy touchy

Trisolaris · 02/03/2021 09:11

Having different levels of what physical affection you desire is one thing but what is not nice is him using the word ‘needy’ which implies there is something wrong with you for being a physically affectionate person. It’s like saying all people with a high sex drive are perverts or sex pests because you personally don’t want to have sex as often as they do.

NameChange1003 · 02/03/2021 09:12

You're not being needy.

Time to go the other way now abs don't give the prick anything. He now has to earn affection

NameChange1003 · 02/03/2021 09:12

and*

Kelly3255 · 02/03/2021 09:16

Play him at his own game. Dress up sexy, make a massive effort and play hard to get. Don't give him compliments. Be mean. Think this 'prick' needs a bit of a shake up

Fireflygal · 02/03/2021 09:25

Why is this suddenly an issue after two years?

It seems that 2 years is the timeframe when the honeymoon phase is well and truly over and natural tendencies appear. This is who he is. However saying you are "needy" for wanting physical affection, which I imagine was there at the start is very negative and I would dump him for that. It's unkind and shows lack of care for your feelings.

OhCaptain · 02/03/2021 09:50

@Kelly3255

Play him at his own game. Dress up sexy, make a massive effort and play hard to get. Don't give him compliments. Be mean. Think this 'prick' needs a bit of a shake up

Jesus! 🤮

Unanananana · 02/03/2021 11:03

@Kelly3255

Play him at his own game. Dress up sexy, make a massive effort and play hard to get. Don't give him compliments. Be mean. Think this 'prick' needs a bit of a shake up

Oh. My. Word.

Viviennemary · 02/03/2021 11:06

You are just not suited. I couldn't be bothered with all that physical stuff in day to day life.

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