Friend never asks me questions.

[rainbowsaway]

First off, I know this is a minor problem in the grand scheme of things but .... A friend has had a minor illness for a couple of weeks. Messaged her Sunday evening to see how her weekend had been. Friend replied saying it was much better and outlined an activity she had done. We exchanged a couple of messages about the activity and then the messaging petered out. If the situation had been reversed, I would have asked how her weekend 1) out of politeness and 2) because I was interested.

For background, it's not the first time it's happened and also happens in different contexts. For example, a couple of weeks ago we were out for a walk and went past a horse riding centre. I asked if she'd ever been riding, she answered and then the conversation stopped. To me, there was a natural 'what about you?' question for her to ask that never came. I'm trying to work out whether she has poor social skills or has no interest in me, or maybe I just ask too many questions, or am I'm unreasonable waiting for her to ask me questions and should just be jumping in with stories about me that she hasn't asked for.

Urgh a conversation vampire. I think there's a market for a course on how to converse 101. A significant proportion of the planet needs to enrol.

I'm socially awkward, but do still ask questions. Though I am much better if the other person is more comfortable socially and can kick start a conversation. If I have to be the main talker it will die. Especially when my choice of topics border on weird.

I have a friend who asks how I am or what I have been up to, just so they can brag about something. I can ask them how they have been in return of them asking and the response will be "I've just bought this and it cost me x amount"
I'll respond with "nice. What do you think of it?" And their response will be something like, it's good. Ending the conversation there and then. Baffles me.

I used to have a best friend like this. Even when I went through some awful, traumatic stuff she still wouldn’t be interested in talking to me about how I was, or what was going on in my life.

We’re not friends anymore, I started treating her the way she treated me and the friendship fizzled out. Don’t regret it in the slightest.

@Knitterbabe 5 hours!!! Does it stem from insecurity? Is she taking to over compensate for something she thinks she is lacking in? I only ask because MIL and SIL are ear bleeders but I don’t think they’ve reached 5 hours yet...I’m sure they’ll manage it though

*talking a lot to over compensate

Very interesting thread! I am interested in people and like listening to what they have been doing, but I really don't like being asked questions myself. Largely because I answer questions all day (job) in one form or another, and I'm too exhausted by that to want to answer any more. With good friends I find that the conversation just flows naturally, so its not an issue, but if I am talking to someone where it is just a stream of questions, I do find a reason to ring off (not rudely I hope!)

@bewilderedhedgehog

Very interesting thread! I am interested in people and like listening to what they have been doing, but I really don't like being asked questions myself. Largely because I answer questions all day (job) in one form or another, and I'm too exhausted by that to want to answer any more. With good friends I find that the conversation just flows naturally, so its not an issue, but if I am talking to someone where it is just a stream of questions, I do find a reason to ring off (not rudely I hope!)

But doesn't conversation flow naturally between friends because there's roughly an equal exchange of information? There's a world of difference between being faced with a "stream" of questions and someone talking endlessly about themselves and never showing any interest in you at all.

This thread reminds me of a phrase I heard once

“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

@Baseratefallacy - Yes, I would agree with that. I guess with good friends there is an equal exchange which develops over a long period of time. I do have one friend in particular who asks a lot of questions, and it feels rather like ping pong. Very tiring actually.

This thread is fascinating,
I've lost a few friendships over the years when I realised that over the course of an afternoon all I'd done was listen and that when the friend left I knew every detail of their life while they knew absolutely nothing of mine. There was no split, they just drifted when I stopped making the effort.

However, I have also realised that I rubbish about talking about myself. If I'm asked how we are I answer in no more than a few sentences whereas others can spent a long time and give a lot more detail so I am trying to be both more chatty and more tolerant of doing more listening than talking.