Should I just let him take it all?

[Fightingback16]

Bit of a quick back story. Family home transferred to me by court order (happening next week) ex husband currently living there and has to move on.

Court order said that the possessions need to be divided. Ex to send me a list of what he will be taking for me to agree etc. List came yesterday and he is taking it all. All the kitchen appliances, both sofas, all the beds.....I mean everything.

He will move out Tuesday and I get the keys from solicitors and have locksmith ready etc. Due to level of domestic abuse I simply can’t go and get anything and purely waiting for him to go to find out the state he has left it in. I do have all the sentimental bits.

I called the solicitor and she says this happens often and he is punishing me because the court swayed in my favour a lot. But we have a four year old who he doesn’t see for 15 months so her needs came first. Just really goes to show what he thinks about his child leaving her a house with no furniture or no kitchen.

Anyway I’ve called the solicitor and obviously said I would like him to leave one of the kitchen appliances and the sofa bed so I have somewhere to sleep for now. But she has said he WILL end up taking it all and it’s not worth the money fighting.

I’ve also asked for my jewellery back, I have a ring I could sell and pay for all the furniture I need but he took it all from me...

Should I just let him take it all and count my losses, after all I’m getting the house back???

I would let it go, you can pick up stuff so cheaply on Gumtree and FB marketplace these days. Pity about the ring though.

Yep. Don’t rise to it. It’s what he wants. It’s his final attempt to control you. What’s your option? Delay the move to fight it? Just get him out and sort the rest when you’re in. Be prepared to find light fittings removed, pipes cut, heating system removed. Nasty words painted on the walls. Windows broken etc. You might want to organise alternative accommodation Airbnb for a week so you’ve got somewhere else to live while you make it habitable

Poor you OP - he’s just a bitter abusive punishing bastard.
I hope you can pick up some cheap things and you have time to move in slowly. You must have been through hell.
Are you linked up to the police station for safety.
💐

Let it go and make a note he left his child without a bed.

If you have the money or beg steal borrow, order some beds, a fridge and sofa.

Put out a "do you have any furniture you don't need" Facebook post or get a friend to do on a local town site it's amazing how generous people can be.

Perhaps see if you can legally get jewellery back if you let him have the contrnts of house.

Change locks.

Enjoy your empty house.

I am so pleased you are rid of him, he sounds awful. With regards to the furniture, let it go, it is just "stuff". I managed to help a family member in dire straits recently. They moved into a flat with nothing. Literally nothing. Within a few days on Gumtree, FB etc I managed to furnish his whole flat virtually for nothing. A lot of people just want stuff gone as they can't get a local tip or don't want to pay for its removal (this is how I got a marvellous 3 piece suite for nothing). I got beds, mattresses, washing machine, american fridge freezer all for nothing. I bought some cheap bits like bedding and crockery in the big supermarkets. In the very short term can you get a blow up bed cheaply and sleep on that for the first night or two.

I’m the fighting type, but PPs speak sense.

Let it go, don’t rise to it, start fresh.

Best of luck!

Yes this is definitely a last ditch attempt to upset me. He was meant to send the list to me a month ago but waited for my birthday to give it to me....it’s only a birthday tho and next year will be a good one in my house.

I don’t have to move in immediately so there is no rush.

Can you take him to the small claims court later for half the value of the items to be divided and the full value of the ring? Not sure how divorce orders are dealt with in law.

Can you gain access to the house when he goes out and remove your personal items, jewellery etc

Try to reframe it in your mind that it’s a good thing as it means you won’t have anything around you to remind you of him. It’s a real fresh start.

Also as PP said Facebook marketplace is a great way to get decent items free or very cheap.

Make sure you take photos of how he leaves the house. If he ever tries to get shared custody you have evidence that he didn’t even leave his child a bed to sleep in.

You may well find that if you keep quiet he'll leave some of it anyway.

Sorry you're in this situation. It sounds horrendous. But at least the end is in sight. You've been very strong to get this far

Yes I will be taking photos. I fully expect it to be destroyed.
It’s a stupid attitude to have. Child contact case is active a court, he has been severely warned about his behaviour and told if he doesn’t change he won’t be in his daughters life....not listening at all it seems.

Jewellery is in his safe so can’t get it out. Fixed to the wall.

Let it go, think of it as the house being cleansed of all the memories of a really bad relationship. When this happened to a friend she put out a quick text/email to all her friends to ask for any furniture and help. The response was overwhelming, she got her flat re furnished and all the bits and bobs needed within 24 hours. You can try that? Good luck with the rest of your life without this idiot x

You might be able to pay someone to break into safe, take a video as you open so what is in there can be seen, only take your items.

Not sure if the fall out worth it but it might be worth enquiring. Whilst it is still within your vicinity.

Reply simply asking him.to leave his daughter her bedroom furniture. Fully expect him to take it, but have that correspondence.

And definitely document it, and anything else you find at the house, for the active court case.

But yes, imagine an empty house and put out a Facebook shout.

Best of luck.

As PPs have already said, this is him trying to upset you. So don't give him that satisfaction, don't react.

But will you, or someone, be there to observe the removal operation? You need to ensure he doesn't deliberately cause damage or fire risk etc.

What an absolute c**t

Personally I'd let him take it and be done with it...he'll have the removal/storage bill for it. I know you mention jewellery etc, but it's literally just 'stuff', all of it.

He is indeed a prize cunt OP.
Can you say what area you are in ? PM me if you like. I might be able to help with a couple of bits of furniture.

It's good of him to be so cooperative in providing documentary evidence that his abuse makes him incapable of considering his child's needs.

Put out a Facebook request and start a justgiving page.

I’d contribute to friends going through this.

If you are low income your council might be able to give you a grant to furnish your house with essentials.

Ask your solicitor if you can get an order to remove items that are yours specifically as now you know what he’s taking (everything), and see if you can be awarded costs.

Can’t think why you’re divorcing such a gem 🙄

I agree with the pp who said reply and ask him to leave his daughters bed. It will speak volumes if he doesn't.

How much is your ring worth? It must be quite a substantial amount if you can sell it and furnish the house instead. Was it listed on your form e as an asset?

If you could get a reply from him saying that no, he wont leave furniture for your kids then that would be useful to have on record.

Personally I'd go over there on moving day with a hired bailiff to help you make sure he leave the stuff you needs.

When I got divorced, someone said to me "no amount of possessions or money are worth your, or your child's mental health" and with that, I let go all anger and decided to just cope on my own. It will be hard, but you can get things from facebay for free and start on your own with new (to you) things.

Unless the ring is a big diamond or lots of high gold content, resale value for diamond rings are a fraction of the actual buying price.

Is it insured, could you claim it got lost in the house move?