Should I just let him take it all?

[Fightingback16]

Bit of a quick back story. Family home transferred to me by court order (happening next week) ex husband currently living there and has to move on.

Court order said that the possessions need to be divided. Ex to send me a list of what he will be taking for me to agree etc. List came yesterday and he is taking it all. All the kitchen appliances, both sofas, all the beds.....I mean everything.

He will move out Tuesday and I get the keys from solicitors and have locksmith ready etc. Due to level of domestic abuse I simply can’t go and get anything and purely waiting for him to go to find out the state he has left it in. I do have all the sentimental bits.

I called the solicitor and she says this happens often and he is punishing me because the court swayed in my favour a lot. But we have a four year old who he doesn’t see for 15 months so her needs came first. Just really goes to show what he thinks about his child leaving her a house with no furniture or no kitchen.

Anyway I’ve called the solicitor and obviously said I would like him to leave one of the kitchen appliances and the sofa bed so I have somewhere to sleep for now. But she has said he WILL end up taking it all and it’s not worth the money fighting.

I’ve also asked for my jewellery back, I have a ring I could sell and pay for all the furniture I need but he took it all from me...

Should I just let him take it all and count my losses, after all I’m getting the house back???

lying to insurers isn't a great idea, however if it is hers and she can prove it with photos etc, a better option is to report it stolen, provide details to police for the report that you'll need to give to the insurer. Let him deal with the wrong end of that.
I do think it's worth one letter from your solicitor to his reminding him of the court ordered equal division of contents and of your daughter's need to have bedroom furniture. He will most likely ignore it, but you can file it as (probably yet another) breach of the court order. Make sure it's noted - he'll get away with some 2nd hand furniture but don't let him get away with repeatedly breaching court orders. Get a record of it to demonstrate his conduct when you come to the next stages of access.

I agree with formally request in writing that he leaves the child's bedroom contents, but expect nothing. Via Facebook , people will help you out

The only thing I might push on is the jewelry, as In going to get it with an escort ASAP.

My XH was not abusive, but he was very upset I was divorcing him. I let him keep almost all our possessions and he still trashed the house on his way out.

This is appalling OP, can the police not do anything about your actual
Possessions? This seems so unfair - will it not be classed as criminal damage if he does wreck the property?!

Oh I’m so sorry OP what an absolute git he sounds. Awful the solicitors and courts can’t be of more help. Well done for being so brave and getting this far

Will you be able to change the locks immediately?

Can you ask a friend to post on social media if you don’t feel comfortable? I would definitely donate or give to a friend or stranger in need in this situation.

I took my daughters bed when I left so she had a bed so she still has that.

My ring was valued at around £6000 so although not a great deal im sure i could get a couple of grand for it to buy new bits, even if second hand.

Im really concerned about what he does to the house. When i left it was newly renovated. I can only imagine he will trash it.

If he trashed it and strips it bare take lots and lots of photos and use them against him in the court case.

Why not ask on Facebook if anyone is replacing their sofa or electrical appliances? You could tell the truth and say that due to domestic abuse you are in a situation where you need help. I’m sure lots of people would help you out (although I’m aware you might want to maintain your privacy but if so you could always ask a friend to post on your behalf).

What is the exact wording on the court order with regards to the possessions and what are the penalties of non compliance ?

Cut your losses and be glad he's gone. Sell your ring, buy the minimum you need and enjoy rolling round on your uncluttered floors. Make it into part of your journey to freedom. This is you building a new life. Enjoy the process and take your time. The Facebook post for free stuff is a good idea, particularly at the moment people are decluttering. Air beds are a tenner they'll do for a week or two until something turns up and you can use them for sleepovers at a later date.

PM me if you are in South London

Can you take someone with you to get the ring and anything else of yours and maybe take photos of the house before he moves out in case he causes damage.

I know your solicitor is probably right but if the court order says fair division of furniture then that's surely against the court order? Are you getting legal aid as it's abusive? If he removes the ring I would report him for theft to the police.

Is there any chance somebody could be present when he comes to collect it to prevent the damage? I’d disconnect things like washing machine to prevent him from ripping it off the water supply and flooding the place.

I would not leave him unsupervised just in case he absolutely thrashes the place.

I’m sorry OP. Be glad you’ll be away from this prize cunt.
Post on fb,still lots of good people out there.
Wishing you and you DC peaceful life 💐

Unfortunately I’m not living there. So its a case of were supposed to agree on the fair division. He was meant to supply me a list month ago on what he wants and I was to then agree or not. He never sent the list so I had to chase up solicitors and I got the list yesterday.

I’ve said that I wish to keep either the sofa bed or bed as he doesn’t need both and that he leaves either the washing machine or dryer, the rest he can take. I also requested my ring back and solicitors have told him this. It was court ordered but there doesn’t seem much point going back to court over it. I don’t get legal aid as I have equity. Would have had to paid any help I got back so have just funded as I’ve got along...although I owe them £4000.....so much stress!

I think me going into the house and watching him remove stuff would definitely cause and argument and I’ve had just about enough. I suffer with M.E and it’s bad at the moment so will probably just let him do what he wants to do...at the end of the day he wants to see his daughter so it’s up to him whether he behaves like a twat and comprises that.

I’d try and let it go over your head. Just go in expecting to repaint the whole house and advertise for furniture on Facebook/get scouring EBay. Picture your house looking wonderful and completely different from when the tosser was in it. And enjoy your wonderful future without him.

Oh OP what a twat! At the end of the day It's all just stuff that can be replaced but you've got your dignity and self respect he can't take that 💐 for you and your new future x

I would definitely get a reply sent saying for your daughters benefit you would like her bedroom stuff left and the washing machine and some form of seating as it will benefit your daughter . Then if he refuses child court case can see he was unreasonable. Apart from that leave everything else as he just wants the pleasure of annoying you so don’t allow him to do it.

You have the documentation that shows it was to be a division but keep this for the child court to prove unreasonableness to provide comfortable living for your daughter.

Would you really want anything left. He will probably piss on the bed/sofa just out of badness. Be prepared for other nasties behind radiators/under floorboards.

I recently sold a diamond ring. Going rate from jewellers was a quarter of insured value and that was with certificate etc.

He sounds an absolute prick. Good luck x

@Fightingback16 I used to work in a jewellers (UK)...your ring depreciates to a quarter of what was paid the minute you step out of the shop. You'd probably get £1,000 for it, at most.

You've had a lot of advise. Also, Google your local council and welfare assistance, often councils will provide assistance with all necessities in the form of a voucher for Argos for example for beds, wardrobes, cooker etc after DV. Your local womans aid will also be able to help. Also contact your local children's centre if your child is under 4. They will also help with grants and can arrange for cooker/washing machine/fridge through a charity called buttleuk.

Put out Wanted posts on freecycle and freegle in your area. White goods and furniture come up regularly.

I can understand why you'd let it go .

I'm not in your position and haven't been ground down in the same way. What I would do is send him a list of your personal items (such as jewellery etc.) and furniture paid for by you and let him know that you will report him to the police for theft if he takes any of these items.

Let it go. It's not worth the hassle. You can replace most quite cheaply on Facebook Market place. Make the place your own again.

Well my solicitor has sent him a letter saying I agree to most of the things he can take but to leave a couple of bits, washing machine and sofa bed. Also to return my ring by taking to the solicitors when dropping off house keys.

I will only try one letter. She has worded it like it says in the order, belongings to be shared equal and personal belongings returned. She has also mentioned that his daughter will be returning.

We shall see.