Can you read this and give your opinion please?

[thehubl]

If a partner ... female in this case says these things or exhibits these behaviours, what is going on . I'm confused .

*Only wants to spend time one on one with partner. Know cos off if partner wants to meet friends or family or attend family events .

• Tells her partner when they can see their children or have them over to HIS house during their time together.
• is jealous of other women when they look in the direction of partner in a normal way.
• won't leave partners house when asked eg after a disagreement .
• calls Partner nasty , insulting and personal insulting names .
• drags old arguments up From the past that have no relevance to Present disagreement .
• can be physically hurtful. Can change in an instant from kind and sweet to nasty and aggressive . Screams when angry .
• doesn't apologise when clearly in the wrong. *uses partners credit card and does not repay money. All opinions would be very welcomed . Thank you.

Well done, Op. Do not let her back in your house, your phone or your life. You are free!!!! And look up trauma bonding.

She’ll be back , in some form
So use this time to prepare for a clean break
And mend bridges with your kids
Good lock (typo but accurate !)

once she realises you areny chasing, she'll try to wiggle back in!

Unless she suspected you were going to dump her so decided to do it first.

Spot on. If she didn't realise you had seen through her, she will be back with apologies, abuse, threats and/or insults to try to get you to see the error of your ways and welcome her back with gratitude for her willingness to put up with you.

You are in a strong position right now. Block al the normal ways she has to contact you and grey rock her if she tries other ways.

Well done, OP.

@Loopylobes

once she realises you areny chasing, she'll try to wiggle back in!

Unless she suspected you were going to dump her so decided to do it first.

Spot on. If she didn't realise you had seen through her, she will be back with apologies, abuse, threats and/or insults to try to get you to see the error of your ways and welcome her back with gratitude for her willingness to put up with you.

You are in a strong position right now. Block al the normal ways she has to contact you and grey rock her if she tries other ways.

Well done, OP.

I agree.

I also think you should change your locks. Or you can change the barrel, YouTube has vids on this. Stay safe.

She was no “partner” to you and I’m glad she has gone but she may be expecting you to persuade her to go back. Keep going forward and dont look back! change locks, bag up her stuff. Never ever allow a person to come before your children again. Good riddance to her. Focus on yourself and children. You will find happiness again

OP, well done for putting your children first and finishing it with her.

As PPs have said, don't be surprised if she now tries to hoover you back in when she realises you aren't begging her for "another chance"

This link may help you spot the cycle of abuse (and you'll suddenly see your past with her in a very different light)
www.talkspace.com/blog/cycle-of-abuse-domestic-violence/

My advice at this stage would be:
Block her from your phone, email, social media - do NOT accept any form of contact from her. If you have her friends/family on social media, quietly remove them

If you have ever given her a key to your place, change your locks. You can buy new lock barrels in B&Q for under £50, there are loads of YouTube videos showing how to replace them yourself. I did mine a few years ago, all you need is a screwdriver for most doors.

Sit down with your kids and let them know that you're sorry you haven't spent as much time with them as you'd like lately and you want to be there more in the future. Maybe start planning something nice you can do with them once lockdown is over or outside activities are back on - this will give both you and them something to look forward to and start seeing the positive changes now that the abuser is not in your life.

Depending on your relationship with your kids' mum, maybe let her know what's happened - it's not unknown for abusers to try to target their former victim through ex partners, especially when there are children involved.

Tell your friends and family. There is no shame or embarrassment for you here - that shame belongs solely to her. They are not going to think you're weak for being in this relationship, they're going to think you're strong for leaving and putting your kids first.

If she does manage to contact you - especially if she comes to the house - stonewall her. "I do not want any contact with you whatsoever. We are over. If you continue to harass me I will contact the police." Then follow through. If she's at the door, don't open it. If she causes a scene outside, call the police. She has used her screaming and noise to control you through embarrassment in the past, don't let her continue to control you with it.

Consider getting counselling for yourself to work out how you got sucked into this relationship and what made you stay. Learn about boundaries and how to spot the danger signs.

Well done again, you have a much happier life ahead of you, and so do your kids [flower]

Weldone op stay strong xx

@thehubl

I am the man . It is difficult to describe how warm and wonderful she is when we are in a good place but she can turn on me as quick as a whippet . She must come first and my contact with my kids is always an issue as she likes to determine when I can see them , for how long and why we do. If their mum has an emergency and needs support or extra time for me to spend with my kids, she goes bananas as' it is our time'. I know deep down that my kids and family and social Groups don't like her so we are rarely were invited to any event pre covid . I need to get out don't I .

I wouldn't have thought you needed to ask.

Dump and block

@thehubl

We have ended . I had to work overtime unexpectedly and she had a hissy. Screaming , hitting things, accusing me of putting everything else above her . She shouted that we were finished and that she could find a better man and left. For the first time, I did not follow her and plead . I am sad and relieved all the same. I'm confused truth be said.

Does she have a key? If so, change the locks.

Has she stuff at your house?

Drop it at hers when she's out

I hope you can stay strong when she realises you are not chasing her and starts to try and get you back.

People need to ask because coercive control changes how you think about yourself and about the abuse.

It's important not to criticise a victim for not recognising the abuse. By doing so, you could sabotage the one opportunity they have to leave an abusive relationship.