Can you read this and give your opinion please?

[thehubl]

If a partner ... female in this case says these things or exhibits these behaviours, what is going on . I'm confused .

*Only wants to spend time one on one with partner. Know cos off if partner wants to meet friends or family or attend family events .

• Tells her partner when they can see their children or have them over to HIS house during their time together.
• is jealous of other women when they look in the direction of partner in a normal way.
• won't leave partners house when asked eg after a disagreement .
• calls Partner nasty , insulting and personal insulting names .
• drags old arguments up From the past that have no relevance to Present disagreement .
• can be physically hurtful. Can change in an instant from kind and sweet to nasty and aggressive . Screams when angry .
• doesn't apologise when clearly in the wrong. *uses partners credit card and does not repay money. All opinions would be very welcomed . Thank you.

I feel terrible guilt about my kids.They are not welcome in my house when she is their with her kids and she doesn't hide her jealousy.

By continuing this relationship, you are putting an abusive woman before your children. This is what you need to focus on in order to enable you to end the relationship. Imagine how they feel not being able to see their dad sometimes because he is choosing to do what his partner wants instead of what they (the children) need. Picture their faces when they think about this - use that to power your resolve to end this relationship.

It doesn't matter why she is how she is, it's a pointless exercise to try to diagnose her / understand her - what matters is why you have accepted this behaviour for so long despite it hurting you and your children. I don't say that in an accusatory way, I say it because that's something you need to explore, maybe in therapy, to ensure you don't end up in a similar relationship again.

At this point the choice is black and white - you need to show through decisive action (breaking up) that you love your kids more than you love her.

No one should ever, EVER come before your kids.

If they try, it shows you exactly who they are. Decent women will understand they are part of you and understand, other decent women will realise they can't live as second best and not be in the relationship.

That should be the most basic criteria you have for your future love life.

Once you work on that one, the rest should hopefully follow

A partner with whom you have arguments that make you ask them to leave your house is not one to stick with.

She sees your family as a threat to her ability to control you.

You need to stop trying to make sense of her behaviour. You won't succeed. You just need to walk away ASAP.

She sounds horrible and controlling. If its you thats the partner I'd break up the relationship and not look back.

@thehubl my DB is you.

Except they are married and have DC. After 20 years he has finally found the strength to leave but it is an unimaginable nightmare trying to protect himself and his children.

Walk away as quickly as can

Well done for recognising how bad this is OP. Time to close the door.

Please stop trying to work it all out.

You say it's your house. You need to tell her to leave. You need to phone the police if she gets violent or abusive towards you.

I would strongly recommend that you speak to your local police "domestic violence" unit (may be called something else and covers all domestic issues). You explain the situation and that you are going to ask her to leave and she will likely get nasty. Be very very honest at what has been going on. Get in touch with the support lines for abused men.

You need to take these steps in case she accuses you of anything.

You and your DC deserve better and her DC will be better off not witnessing it as well.

Dear OP, I really hope you can take comfort and strength from the knowledge that a bunch of random women on the internet are all supporting you, and that this helps you to make the right decision, not just for you, but for your children too.

Hi OP. I agree with everyone. This woman is abusive and you need to get out now.

Take it from someone who has watched her daughter destroyed by her fathers inability to stand up to a nasty, toxic partner who has ultimately made him choose between a sweet girl and her. Guess who he chose.... and now I am picking up the pieces of a teenager who has self harmed and is now in therapy due to the rejection and treatment she has endured from the man who is supposed to love and protect her.

Please don’t let this happen to your own children. Let this be the strength you need to end this for good.

OP you are in an abusive relationship. Please access support and find strength to leave. Do you have friends or family you can confide in? Do you live together? Does she have access to money/important documents/information? You need to put a plan together to ensure your safety and allow as quick and clean a break as possible. Get out now, before this escalates further. Good luck.

Thank you for all your opinions and advice . I will end this.

Hi OP I was with an abusive woman in my early 20’s
She said all my family were arseholes and wouldn’t see them and had a hissy if I did

All my friends were arseholes and she had a hissy if I saw them.

She thought I wanted to sleep with any woman that came within 5 yards of me and had a hissy

She became violent and it got a bit worse each time.
When things were good they were very good. But it was only when I was doing what she wanted. Luckily I got out fairly quickly.

From reading the awful experiences of others here the pattern she followed is exactly same as other abusers and the same as your GF.

Glad you are leaving. Stay strong!

Sounds like the female version of my ex. Controlling and abusive.

@thehubl

Thank you for all your opinions and advice . I will end this.

How is it going for you, OP?

She sounds unhinged. Red flags all over what you’ve written. I hope you manage to end the relationship OP

We have ended . I had to work overtime unexpectedly and she had a hissy. Screaming , hitting things, accusing me of putting everything else above her .
She shouted that we were finished and that she could find a better man and left. For the first time, I did not follow her and plead . I am sad and relieved all the same. I'm confused truth be said.

Well done!
The confusion will soon pass and be replaced by relief

It’s text book abuse and ticks every single box
You deserve better
Exit

Keep strong op. When she realises that you are not going to chase her she'll want to come back. Good luck. You and your kids deserve better.

Change the locks and block her on EVERYTHING.

Please go through your home and pack up all her belongings so when she uses them as an excuse to try and get back you can hand them over.

There is a "no contact" thread for support of people ending toxic or abusive relationships please post there. This is hard you need support.

How are you feeling today?

I think you need to end the relationship. You don't need your reasons to be approved either to break up with someone and you don't need to justify your reasons to her either

Sorry you did break up, should have read all your posts OP, my apologies

That’s a good outcome OP if she’s stormed off. Agree with above advice to change the locks asap!! And box up her belongings and deliver to wherever she can collect it

Isn't it brilliant when the trash takes itself out.

Read up on narcissistic hoovering op and prepare yourself. Because once she realises you areny chasing, she'll try to wiggle back in!

Unless she suspected you were going to dump her so decided to do it first. In which case maybe she'll stay gone as her ego wont be able to take being the you wont take her back.