Struggling

[Katiekins1234]

Don't want to give too many details away.... Been with someone for a long time and have children. He has always treated me well until he confessed to messaging another woman. Someone that we both know in real life. He has grovelled, begged and done everything under the sun to make it up to me and cut her off. He thinks that he stopped it and told me about it before it got too far and turned into an affair and wants to repair our relationship. I'm so resentful and so angry with her too as she hasn't even apologised. Just looking for some perspective I guess.

I have just left my dp as I found out he was messaging someone else - for the second time. There was no way I could trust him again. I am absolutely heartbroken but I know it's the right thing to do. To me messaging someone else is cheating, It's premeditated. He didn't admit it either time even when I saw his phone! I didn't know either of them which I'm actually grateful for.

I guess you need to decide if you can move on from this. I felt I could the first time but it was a nightmare, I was constantly wondering every time his phone went off who it was. In my experience once that trust has been broken it's extremely hard to mend.

Thankyou for your reply and sorry you're going through this. My gut feeling is that I can trust him not to talk to her again but I just can't forgive him. Because as you say its a premeditated sneaky way to cheat and not like he was drunk. I keep changing my mind.

Partners should make your life easier and happier. He does neither.

It isnt working for you anymore and you are not obligated to forgive him. Give yourself permission to cut him lose.

@Wanderlusto

Partners should make your life easier and happier. He does neither.

It isnt working for you anymore and you are not obligated to forgive him. Give yourself permission to cut him lose.

You are so right! For the past few years my relationship with him was all about him and I did everything for him with nothing in return. I love him so much I would have put up with anything! Now that seems ridiculous! It needs to be a 2 way things!

And for all that, the thanks you got was him flirting with someone else.

Absolutely choose you.
Life is too short to spend with wankers.

@Katiekins1234

Thankyou for your reply and sorry you're going through this. My gut feeling is that I can trust him not to talk to her again but I just can't forgive him. Because as you say its a premeditated sneaky way to cheat and not like he was drunk. I keep changing my mind.

It's so hard isn't it. Only you can decide. Maybe just give yourself some time and see how you feel. I'm sorry I can't offer any more advice! For me he wasn't even bothered so that made my decision easier. Take care

@Wanderlusto

And for all that, the thanks you got was him flirting with someone else.

Absolutely choose you.
Life is too short to spend with wankers.

Amen to that!

What do people mean by "messaging" in this context? Is it "friendly" but too regular, heavy flirting, or explicit sexting?

I'd leave, the constant thoughts and worry everytime he's on his phone won't be worth the stress and anxiety on you.

He honestly has no respect for you.

Ive forgiven my DP who was on dating sites, more than once. He does love me and is sorry but I am stuggling to get past it all and trust again. (Particularly given my exh cheated). Only you know what you want but life is too short to be unhappy.