Back story: Split from ex about 5 years ago. Went NC for a while due to infidelity while having a young child. Very minimal visitation (enforced by me) and just generally didn't talk. Lockdown came and he grew a conscience about his DD and has made strong efforts over the past year to rebuild relationship with child.
Been with current partner 1 year, got together just before the first lockdown around the time ex first got in contact. Explained that we'd been NC for a while, and it was early days. Things have gone well, met my DD just before Xmas and we've been "happy".
Marriage has been on the cards and we spoke/ argued about it recently. His 'conditions' of marriage are that I no longer keep male friends, limit my social media use and what he describes as "tell me everything". For what it's worth, current partner is from different religious culture to myself, one that could be said is known for women being 'less than' their male partner. (Has been playing on my mind- think non-legally binding, no public record marriage rather than registry or church wedding)
My problem is in starting to think there's elements of control going on. I've already made a lot of changes in the short space we've been together- changed phone number, deleted some social media accounts and limited contact with male friends are the most notable ones. These were mainly due to his insecurities about my extended male network.
The problem is, before lockdown I was very outgoing, spent a lot of time with friends, had an active social life etc. So because he has mainly known me throughout lockdown I feel it's an unfair representation of myself as I haven't been able to be myself! This is now causing many arguments etc.
Now the spanner in the works- ex called for weekly catch up with DD and have felt myself wandering. We had a conversation about the past and what we each could be accountable for and it's left me thinking.
Stay with current partner and try and implement a very different lifestyle I don't know much about, that have very clear cultural and religious impacts. It means obtaining the picture perfect family etc, but do feel I'll lose large elements of my personality/ lifestyle that wouldn't be acceptable to him/ his family.
Or, DONT get back with ex, but actually spend time co- parenting effectively without the worry that I'm hurting my partners feelings by spending extended time with another man. I think I have realised there may still be feelings there but the worry is the history.
Side note: call me strange or stuck in my ways but I am absolutely terrified of having a second child by another man. I'm worried about any possible exclusions for my older child, what the situation could look like if we ever split. Am I a terrible person for thinking that if me and ex rekindled properly, in the future it could mean a full sibling for my child? I've had friends/ family grow up where siblings had different dads and I never quite understood the family dynamics. (Myself and 4 siblings all have same parents)
Sorry it's long, I'm just torn