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Original poster

So many red flags

55 replies

Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:13

Hello

I met a guy online and we have been talking for around 3-4 weeks. Before I write all of this just to make it clear I will NOT be meeting him but I just wanted to see people’s opinions as at first I thought I may have been putting myself off as it seems I’ve developed the Ick but i believe there are also red flags here.

I was really enjoying talking to him , getting to know him etc at first he seemed ‘normal ‘ which isn’t so common OLD. For context we are both late 20s with no children.

First thing I found strange was very early on in to talking he told me his mum was extremely ill over seas and sent a massive paragraph about it and his feelings and how he has to pay for her treatment and doesn’t have the money ( no NHS in the country she’s in) I found it strange as we barely knew each other .. first thing I thought of was he wants money from me. But he never asked and we moved on from that convo.

Since then he’s mentioned it again briefly and I asked him if he was trying to suggest I lend him this money ( I’d never do that ) and he said no he was just telling me what’s on his mind as he doesn’t want to be off with me .

He seems EXTREMELY dramatic loads of omg omg and wow wow wow when you mention anything to him he doesn’t agree with or call him out on stuff ( I had to do this as I felt he was becoming intense very soon and was wary of love bombing)

Comments like ‘you’ll be pregnant by the end of the year ‘ always mentioning how he hates dating and the process of getting to know ppl and basically wants to skip to the Rship stage.

Then finally.. we were due to meet this week for a walk however we were talking about how cold it is ( a lot of snow where we live ) and he suggested post poning to which I agreed.

He then went in some kind of strop and started reeling off all these plans he has (he’s not broke Covid rules once since we’ve been talking so this was strange) and said if we don’t meet this week he can’t meet till March. This confused me as he suggested post poning ?? When I said look it’s really cold etc it’s not going to be a nice experience he started sending essays saying ‘it’s winter it’s always going to be cold’ and ‘ waiting till March is to long but fine do what you want’

I won’t be meeting him as I know a lot of ppl on here will comment ‘ why would you consider meeting him’ so just to make it clear I’m not.

But just really shit .. I’ve met two ppl not including him on OLD in the last year ( when Covid permitted) One was a complete catfish and one I liked but he didn’t want to pursue anything after the first date and now this !

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 10/02/2021 11:16

Fuck that shit, pregnant by the end of the year?! Run away!!

If it helps I met my DH OLD so it is possible and I chatted to/met some utter weirdos along the way

Palavah · 10/02/2021 11:18

I can't believe you

  1. agreed to meet this man
  2. are still conversing with him.

Block, block, block.

CagneyNYPD · 10/02/2021 11:18

Way too much hassle. Block him and move on.

FossilisedFanny · 10/02/2021 11:21

Don’t waste any more time on him , you’ll drive yourself mad trying to work him out, which is a waste of time considering you aren’t going to meet him.

Chocolate123 · 10/02/2021 11:21

I hope he's blocked

Original poster
Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:22

@DartmoorDoughnut ahh that’s nice to know it does work. I do have a friend who met her DH on OLD as well. just feeling quite disheartened atm !

OP posts:
Original poster
Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:23

Again just to be clear I am not meeting him I have ended whatever ‘it’ was but just wanted to rant on here really I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:24

Also for those who OLD. What are the best sites ?? As all these men are have been from hinge which I thought was a better one

Tinder and POF I didn’t like

OP posts:
IstandwithJackieWeaver · 10/02/2021 11:26

Sounds like a weirdo who was after money, whatever he said.

Chocolate123 · 10/02/2021 11:29

Most of the sites have the same people on. There's a lot of weird people on them but there are also nice genuine ones too. I'm met my partner on Bumble but I'd had many a good and bad experience before that.

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/02/2021 11:37

What @Chocolate123 said, I only used POF as I was skint 😂 aforementioned utter weirdos on there but have been married 10 years this year and together 12 but think I was on and off there for over a year before I met DH

Whiskeylover45 · 10/02/2021 11:38

I met DH online dating, but he was the exception. 99% of all the other man I spoke to over the course of the year were total weirdos. One messaged me asking about our potential date in two days time, I was at work at the time and within a few hours when I came on my break he had messaged me 50 times over and over again, think one line messaging saying whiskey you there? Hello? Whiskey? What's happening Friday? We still meeting? Hello? Hope your ok whiskey. On and on he went, and even telling me he wasn't a stalker as his therapist had said so. DH was the last person I spoke to, and that was the final chance I was giving OLD at the time. Meeting him was purely coincidental and due to the circumstances possibly destined. However, be prepared to meet nutters on there, but Don't feel guilty for ignoring them or not responding. Best of luck OP

Original poster
Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:49

I have been on and off The sites for the last two years sometimes taking it serious other times not really. It is so hard to find someone to even have a conversation with that goes beyond Hi tbh. And their new favourite line is ‘how’s lockdown treating you’ which I dispise! I haven’t been on many dates with ppl from OLD probably around 5/6 my entire dating life as it never seems to get that far.

I was taken back when he told me about his mum being ill as it was within days of talking and it wasn’t just brought up in convo it was a dramatic essay along the lines of ‘ I’ve been deleting and re typing this msg all morning as I don’t know how to say this ‘ then starts saying I deserve more and I’m such a nice person I was like what the hell?? The dramatics started from there.

Also constantly making jokes I don’t feel comfortable with and putting it down to ‘banter’ asking for pics of my feet DAILY as well to which I refused

OP posts:
Palavah · 10/02/2021 12:45

And their new favourite line is ‘how’s lockdown treating you’ which I dispise!

Get over this. Everyone is short of decent chat now but if you dismiss everyone who opens like this then you'll get nowhere. It's a safe and neutral opener when they have no idea what you might be in the middle of. Plus your response will speak volumes about what it would be like to date you. Work out a great open and friendly return and you'll be like a breath of fresh air.

MrsVogon · 10/02/2021 12:55

I stopped at the comment "You will get pregnant by the end of the year".

Come on OP, block and move on.

Whiskeylover45 · 10/02/2021 13:06

I used POF as like PP I was skint but maybe ones you may for if you can, just as it'll filter out the worst of them if they're paying every month

Ntwa · 10/02/2021 13:15

Sorry to hear this op, its tough, I hated being on the sites and had my fair share of weird convos like others have said. I'd just about given up when I thought Mr right had appeared..4 yrs on and I feel he's totally led me up the garden path in ways. It's made me feel totally mixed as to how I treat any further people.
I think you've dodged a bullet and it's onwards and upwards or give it up for a while. Good luck

Meltdown8 · 10/02/2021 13:34

Men are hard work. I'm dating someone at the moment with red flags. He has his ex's photos on the wall. Took them down and we had a blip for a day and he put them back up. He slipped up and sent me a selfie with them in the background.

Anyway it's like he's needing reasurance that you want to see him. Definitely seems insecure and a little childish doesn't he. You are right it is cold. I haven't met the guy I'm dating since lockdown apart from a walk once. I don't want to meet him outside like this either. Just makes me think of frizzy hair, runny noses and feeling abit uncomfortable and cold. Cant even chill on a bench lol!

It sounds like he's bugging the heck out of you and it's not attractive.

I think men can be insecure and are hard to read sometimes. He may well be just opening up to you. Me and my date? Are very open to eachother and we've chatted for hours. We only do serious talks on the phone though not messages. Messages can read in different tones. Which crossed wires for me and him alot. When we left the serious stuff for the phone it was so much nicer and easier to judge tone and mood.

I think messaging is a nightmare and like I say. He sounds about insecure and also like you are getting your wires crossed due to it being messages. Good luck.

Original poster
Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 14:12

@Ntwa sorry to hear you feel like that .. I take it you pursued a Rship with him and he turned out to be different ?

@Meltdown8 god that does sound like hard work. Did you meet him online ? Why an earth does he still have his exes photos on the wall?

Your thoughts on the walk in this weather are my thoughts exactly.. hair blowing all over the place freezing cold not knowing what to wear don’t want to over do it on a walk but also want to look nice.. I can’t get excited about a walk in minus 1 degrees which is what it’s gna be on Saturday where we live. He wants to bring a bottle of wine ?? Like ok in summer park drinking/ picnics is acceptable and quite fun but in winter ??? Just really not feeling it.

I did initially think he was just open and tbh the mum thing wasn’t the main red flag.. it’s the mood swings and the fact I feel he’s pressured me to meet me. Throwing a strop saying if we don’t meet Saturday we can’t meet till March or maybe longer yet he hasn’t had a single plan since I’ve been talking now he has loads ?? I think it’s all a lie.

We’ve spoken on the phone about stuff to as sometimes if the msgs are getting crossed we will call each other but then he starts grating on me
Repeating the same stuff over and over again and not letting me speak .

OP posts:
Original poster
Roses1989 · 11/02/2021 19:38

Well he has contacted me this evening to tell me the reason he wanted to see me so much this weekend was because he had got me roses and a bottle of champagne for Valentine’s Day. My friends think it’s really sweet.. surely that isn’t normal for knowing someone 4 weeks and a first date ??

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 11/02/2021 19:50

I don’t believe him , he’s just trying to guilt trip you

Original poster
Roses1989 · 11/02/2021 20:01

he said he is going to give them to his mum now instead and they are arriving tomnorow. He said he will show me them so we will see

OP posts:
marly11 · 11/02/2021 20:13

Why would you want to see? Surely just stop communicating with him. He sounds like a wierdo. Best not to communicate with people like that.

Bananalanacake · 11/02/2021 20:15

If a potential date said that to me about being pregnant by the end of the year I would reply ,'yeah, ha,ha, I was sterilised at 25 as I realised I can't abide kids' just to see how they react.

funnylittlefloozie · 11/02/2021 20:19

What a 24-carat nutter! I know this is a Bad Thing to do, but I would be very tempted to string him along a bit, just to see how far he takes it.

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