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Original poster

So many red flags

55 replies

Roses1989 · 10/02/2021 11:13

Hello

I met a guy online and we have been talking for around 3-4 weeks. Before I write all of this just to make it clear I will NOT be meeting him but I just wanted to see people’s opinions as at first I thought I may have been putting myself off as it seems I’ve developed the Ick but i believe there are also red flags here.

I was really enjoying talking to him , getting to know him etc at first he seemed ‘normal ‘ which isn’t so common OLD. For context we are both late 20s with no children.

First thing I found strange was very early on in to talking he told me his mum was extremely ill over seas and sent a massive paragraph about it and his feelings and how he has to pay for her treatment and doesn’t have the money ( no NHS in the country she’s in) I found it strange as we barely knew each other .. first thing I thought of was he wants money from me. But he never asked and we moved on from that convo.

Since then he’s mentioned it again briefly and I asked him if he was trying to suggest I lend him this money ( I’d never do that ) and he said no he was just telling me what’s on his mind as he doesn’t want to be off with me .

He seems EXTREMELY dramatic loads of omg omg and wow wow wow when you mention anything to him he doesn’t agree with or call him out on stuff ( I had to do this as I felt he was becoming intense very soon and was wary of love bombing)

Comments like ‘you’ll be pregnant by the end of the year ‘ always mentioning how he hates dating and the process of getting to know ppl and basically wants to skip to the Rship stage.

Then finally.. we were due to meet this week for a walk however we were talking about how cold it is ( a lot of snow where we live ) and he suggested post poning to which I agreed.

He then went in some kind of strop and started reeling off all these plans he has (he’s not broke Covid rules once since we’ve been talking so this was strange) and said if we don’t meet this week he can’t meet till March. This confused me as he suggested post poning ?? When I said look it’s really cold etc it’s not going to be a nice experience he started sending essays saying ‘it’s winter it’s always going to be cold’ and ‘ waiting till March is to long but fine do what you want’

I won’t be meeting him as I know a lot of ppl on here will comment ‘ why would you consider meeting him’ so just to make it clear I’m not.

But just really shit .. I’ve met two ppl not including him on OLD in the last year ( when Covid permitted) One was a complete catfish and one I liked but he didn’t want to pursue anything after the first date and now this !

OP posts:
Roberta268 · 11/02/2021 20:54

He sounds like an out-and-out scam artist who will be asking you for money soon. Why would you even entertain this?

EarthSight · 11/02/2021 21:24

Why in earth are you still talking to him??? When women notice these odd things at the beginning, they rarely get batter. There's just more weird stuff to uncover and it gets worse.

Ludo19 · 11/02/2021 22:08

Thought his mum was overseas?
Does he have a foot fetish....I had a giggle when you said you refused to send him photos of your feet......I'd be tempted to stand in a big pile of shite and send him that but it's too much effort and it's rank.

Helloandhelloagain · 11/02/2021 22:20

There’s a reason he wants to skip the dating stage ! He wouldn’t make it 😂 I really really hope you don’t continue with this !

Original poster
Roses1989 · 11/02/2021 22:27

Lool @ standing in a big pile of shite.. I do have a tendency to put myself off people and wasn’t sure if I was doing this at first but by the comments on this thread seems I am not.

Not going to continue but I can assure you I wouldn’t give the guy a penny if he started asking for money.

Yes he seems very very keen to skip the dating stage he was already told me he doesn’t like it and he much prefers being in rships and finds the whole getting to know people tiring and a headache

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 11/02/2021 22:48

Yes he said his mum is overseas and very ill - there’s a lie.
Just block him - he’s got issues.
Block and don’t engage further.

Conniethesensible · 11/02/2021 22:53

The moment he mentioned money you should have blocked and deleted that number.

Nothing good can come from him from the way he’s talking to you

Original poster
Roses1989 · 18/02/2021 23:52

Just thought I’d update as I feel that I now may have a stalker on my hands.

Turned out he was lying about the flowers thing I caught him out but I really wasn’t bothered as I was gna end things anyway..

I told him I didn’t wish to talk any longer and he did not get the hint. Constant calls and txts long essays txts begging to speak to me on the phone just for ‘5 minutes’.. he then tried to gas light me tell me I was crazy etc and weird and all the rest of it

I sent him another msg and told him I did not wish to speak again and wished him the best. I then blocked him on everything and removed him from the dating app.

That morning I woke up to 4 missed calls from withheld and several calls from a landline which I then blocked. Then a different number called me and I thought it may have been work so I answered.. it was him. I hung up and blocked.

I unblocked his number for a few minutes just to txt him telling him please do not call me from withheld or other numbers I do not want to talk again. Then blocked him again.

Thought I’d got rid .. today receive a MASSIVE essay from him I mean the read more part came up on WhatsApp.. from a different number. Begging basically and apologising. I did not reply and won’t.

I have never experienced this before.. I know there are some weird ppl on these apps but I have never met this guy and he will not leave me alone.

I’m thanking my lucky stars I had not told him where I lived or anything like that as I would honestly be scared right now

OP posts:
Original poster
Roses1989 · 18/02/2021 23:54

I knew there was something off about him and as PPs have said I should have blocked and deleted at the money comments ... I guess this is a prime example of always trust your gut and don’t ignore red flags

OP posts:
Palavah · 19/02/2021 05:14

Let the police know. He's escalating by changing phone numbers.

Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 11:12

Not sure it’s a case for the police right now he doesn’t know where I live and I work from home so can’t turn up at my work etc.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/02/2021 12:29

If you've told him that you do not wish to have contact and he has contacted you again after that, his behaviour meets the threshold for harassment being logged and the police may visit him to hopefully put him off.

Ive been a victim of stalking and would recommend giving the Suzy Lamplugh trust a call for ask for their advice - they are absolutely brilliant and can point you in the right direction / share resources for you to look at and think over.

Ugh poor you. The entitlement of some people to think they can override the decision of another adult through harassment (as if that will make them more appealing) is staggering.

Mine was absolutely batshit but I have to say I was lucky in that I had a recently trained police officer assigned to my case, very up on stalking legislation and ended up with a restraining order and suspended sentence which put a stop to it. I'm really grateful it was taken seriously and know I'm lucky in that, it helped speaking to the Suzy Lamplugh trust because they helped me know what to ask for from the police.

Sorry OP it's such a horrible intrusive feeling, can leave you really on edge even from afar. Thanks

Thehop · 21/02/2021 12:46

I met some
Right weirdos.

Met
My
Husband
On eharmony.

tenlittlecygnets · 21/02/2021 12:52

Comments like ‘you’ll be pregnant by the end of the year' - I'd have ended it with him the first time he said that! Bonkers and creepy.

Also constantly making jokes I don’t feel comfortable with and putting it down to ‘banter’ asking for pics of my feet DAILY as well to which I refused

And this. If you don't like his 'jokes' after a week, block and move on.

You accepted too much here, op. You're in charge and can block someone or stop talking to them whenever you want.

FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 13:55

How is he managing to get hold of different phone numbers?

Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 15:02

@youvegottenminuteslynn thanks for this I will look in to it.. sorry you went through that also.

@FossilisedFanny one was his land line and the other was his work phone. I didn’t have those numbers to block before now

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 21/02/2021 15:15

You know, while I understand that this is shit right now, I really don’t understand why people keep engaging when they absolutely categorically know that they want nothing to do with them.

It almost smacks of wanting to push things to see how far they will go.

Obviously you don’t deserve to be stalked, but if you’d ended it at the point he started mentioning money it would likely never have got to this point.

At the point you were saying on here that you absolutely weren’t going to meet him etc you were still engaging with him. Why? You knew he was a weirdo, you knew you didn’t want any more, so why were you still talking to him.

In these instances it really is possible to stop all this at the very beginning. And yet so many people choose not to. Confused

Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 15:21

It’s not possible to say it wouldn’t have got to this point I’ve also noticed a lot of posts on her from other women to women somehow seem to blame the women for the mans behaviour and for not leaving or not blocking and deleting or whatever. Actually baffles me

It doesn’t matter if I carried on talking to him for days on end and then decided I didn’t want to anymore. I don’t want to now and that’s that and that is my choice . he has been told and hasn’t accepted it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 15:24

Also my first post states after I wrote that and noticed all the red flags I was not going to meet him. Yes I hadn’t blocked at that point but why do I have to do that? It should be enough to tell someone you don’t want to talk to them any longer.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/02/2021 15:51

@Roses1989

Also my first post states after I wrote that and noticed all the red flags I was not going to meet him. Yes I hadn’t blocked at that point but why do I have to do that? It should be enough to tell someone you don’t want to talk to them any longer.
Yes I hadn’t blocked at that point but why do I have to do that? It should be enough to tell someone you don’t want to talk to them any longer.

Because you're not a 14 year old who enjoys lots of drama and playing it out on Mumsnet?

Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 16:01

@WorraLiberty if you don’t have anything helpful to add feel free to not comment thanks

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/02/2021 16:05

No, I'll comment as I see fit, thanks.

'Why do I have to do that?' Is a ridiculous question when the answer is so obvious.

SooMoony · 21/02/2021 16:51

@WorraLiberty is right though. Why not block him on everything and cut out the drama? Or if you aren't willing to block him, then stop responding to him. You've already worked out this bloke is a bit of a loose cannon, don't give him any more of your time.

Original poster
Roses1989 · 21/02/2021 17:04

@SooMoony he is blocked on everything ? He’s calling from withheld and other numbers which every time he does then get blocked.

OP posts:
Simma2 · 21/02/2021 17:19

Op Google romance scam. This is a classic example. Just yst keep blocking, no more texts telling him you don't with to speak to him. Eventually he will move on to the next victim. The ill mother story and not being able to pay fir treatment was a MASSIVE red flag. That was testing the water to see how easy you might be to get money from. Just keep blocking all contact, don't speak or text him and he will move onto someone else. Report him to wherever you found him too because he's probably targeting dozens of people with the same sob story to see if they offer to send him money.