About to move in together - annoying things

[Thirtiesclub]

Me and dp are about to move in together and already these little things annoy tf out of me.

The snoring
Smelly farting in front of me and finding it funny
Leaving all the bloody lights on downstairs even though hes last up, so i have to go turn them off .
Loud alarm in morning.
Swearing alot

Arghhhhhh

Obviously in comparison to our relationship as a whole and how happy he makes me these are small but they drive me insane.

Any tips from those more experienced?

Why are you still dating him, let alone agreeing to move in with him?

These ‘niggles’ aren’t niggles. It’s pretty clear that whatever his upbringing, he has no respect for you whatsoever. If you move in with him, you will end up doing all the work in the relationship and be very unhappy as well, but you’ll keep trying, because of the ‘sunk costs’ fallacy.

I wouldn't necessarily put this down as a lack of respect. There may be other people for whom it would not be be able issue.

You don't sound compatible to me. So far, it's you can putting up with adjusting, either turning lights off after time or ignoring his relaxed approach to bodily functions.

There are plenty of things to get irritated about when sharing space with others, without knowing such incompatibility in advance.

Looks as if he is just carrying on regardless and you are having hectic adjust. Now, before you have moved in, is the time to decide whether this is how you want your life to be.

My v recent ex.. Who I still love.. Who I desperately wanted to live with..did some odd things. I guess in the moment you don't see it, would it annoy me now? I'm not sure.. Was it a lack of disrespect? I think so.
He was very neat and tidy, we fitted well on that front. However he'd leave an absolute mess when making a simple cup of tea, milk sugar driooed T bag across the floor. Half open 1 curtain?! Wet towel on the bed.. Lights on.. Would he have done it in his own house.. Nope!
So what's your partner like at his own house? Says a lot?!

Why on EARTH WOULD YOU move in with this obvious Prince among men. He is showing you a juvenile level of disrespect I would find abhorrent.

If you move in together it sounds like you will become his mother. Picking up after him, checking the lights are off once he is in bed, telling him off for finding farting funny (which it isn't), never sleeping because of the snoring. There is nothing more unattractive than mothering the man in your relationship!

I appreciate you have been alone for sometime but I would not move in with him. Maybe continue to date him if you want to.

Dear god. It's a no from me.

thirties, why are you not answering the question about how long you have been together? This is relevant to answers you may get, ie, how quickly he has stopped being on best behaviour. My DH has a habit of leaving doors open, and lights on, and because I'm Northern, I resort to saying, "It's like Blackpool illuminations down here". I'm also tight trying to save the planet, and I pay the electric bill, so I see it as a waste of resources.

I think I am wondering if, similar to the war, people are moving in much quicker due to the pandemic, and some matches will ultimately prove to be unsuitable, unfortunately.

Obviously in comparison to our relationship as a whole and how happy he makes me these are small but they drive me insane

And you haven't even moved in with him yet.

Either you find a way to get him to show you some respect, or living together will be a nightmare.

Snoring-well most people do at some point so that wouldn’t be such a deal breaker.

Everything else is just disrespectful and would be a firm no from me. Don’t you ever say to him before he gets in to bed “have you turned the lights off etc downstairs?”

I would not live with this man as things will not get better if this is the starting point.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants oh no i didnt read that. 2 years

How long have you been together. Can't you just live apart or is it to do with saving money. Have you talked about how much he will pay towards the bills.

How old is he that he thinks farting is funny? Get him some charcoal tablets which will put a stop to it. I wouldn't move in yet, has he seen the Dr about snoring?

Is this him moving into your house. Is he staying over currently and this is happening?
It's rude! Disrespectful re all the electric he'd be using all night and not bothered that he'd be inconveniencing you that you'll be going downstairs to fix it.

It feel like he's treating you like a parent.

This one just isn't a keeper.

Yes it's all gross, and yes the leaving lights/tv on - sheer laziness, sheer lack of thought, the 'someone else takes care of the shitwork' mentality IN SPADES.

Don't move in together. Honestly, your posts simply SCREAM 'in two years I will be sobbing at the thought of living a moment longer with this slug'.

These little ‘quirks’ become more annoying as time goes by, not less annoying.

Can you live with that for the rest of your life?

(I couldn’t but I have got to a point in life where I don’t need or want to compromise on my standards)

@Thirtiesclub

Me and dp are about to move in together and already these little things annoy tf out of me.

The snoring
Smelly farting in front of me and finding it funny
Leaving all the bloody lights on downstairs even though hes last up, so i have to go turn them off .
Loud alarm in morning.
Swearing alot

Arghhhhhh

Obviously in comparison to our relationship as a whole and how happy he makes me these are small but they drive me insane.

Any tips from those more experienced?

Having been through a bit of a shock when DP and I moved in together I would say:

• snoring - have ear plugs at the ready or a spare room made up that you can move in to in the night if possible
• smelly farting - not much you can do about this (other than slowly start to improve his diet!) - keep a can of air freshener nearby and if he sleeps in the nude like my DP, squirt him in the arse with it in the night - he'll soon learn! The finding it funny is very immature though and probably what would annoy me the most. My DP hates it when his smell and always beats me to the air freshener!
• lights - also a bugbear of mine - we have an Alexa and connected smart plugs - I can turn everything off with just a voice command or the app but this is one that he should be able to learn to do without having to invest in tech!
• loud alarm in the morning - buy him a new one
• swearing a lot - my DP swears a lot too but I think I've become a bit conditioned to it now. He knows I don't like it, so doesn't do it around my parents, for example, but at home I just put up with it - it's his home too

The one thing I did when we moved in together, which I found really helped, was to write down all the things that pissed me off. I went to bed one night in tears because I was hating it and was wondering whether I'd made the wrong decision.

I wrote a letter to him, telling him how I felt and what was pissing me off, folded it up and put it in my drawer. It felt so much better getting it off my chest, but I didn't have to give it to him. I knew in my own head that it was as much of a case of me getting used to living with someone as it was him actually being unreasonable about things.

I totally forgot about it and found it a couple of years later. Reading through it I see that he still does a lot of the things that pissed me off, but I've learned that it's our house, not my house and we just needed to cut each other some slack while we got used to sharing a space.

Don't do it! I was married for over 20 years - never again - the mess, the leaving lights on, leaving doors open, the bad habits that became magnified over the years.... Maintaining separate abodes is the way forward for sure.

I had one of theses. Lights on. Never checked the house was locked. Endless early alarms. Switching lights on at six am because they can't find a shoe.

It grinds you down. And it is about respect. Every little thing is basically a fuck you. I don't give a shit. You will pick it up.

Mine never improved in 14 years. I accepted it but it basically errored any love I had for the man.

Talk to him now and see if there are compromises. Otherwise you will eventually despise the man

@Thirtiesclub my tip? Don't do this to yourself.

These habits are going to get worse and more will be added - things don't improve when you move in together, they 'relax' even further.

Smelly farting in front of me and finding it funny
Leaving all the bloody lights on downstairs even though hes last up, so i have to go turn them off .
Loud alarm in morning.
Swearing alot
*
Is he 12 ? Don't bother , it will drive you mad.*

@EternalOptimist7

Farting can be hilarious but there is a time & place.

In what way?

I just mean where you do it. DH & I find it hilarious when it’s just us but we wouldn’t just fart anywhere & in front of other people, for example.

Right.....🙄

Your poor child just no