First time ghosted

[Beachtrip]

Been seeing the guy for 6 months.
We bubbled together, visited each other, spent Christmas together. Had some disagreements, things weren't perfect but we talked often, was a bit of physical distance so couldn't always see each other easily.
Both have kids (we never met each other's).
I didn't see it coming.
We had disagreed over something and it felt like the distance was getting a bit much. Weren't seeing each other as much as we'd like and I felt he was putting in less and less effort.
We discussed and made a plan for going forward to try to be together when we couldn't be together (watching films at the same time or set phone calls X times a week etc)

Then, he ghosted. Literally just hasn't replied to me for several days now.
Very clear it's over. I won't accept that level of rudeness and disrespect. So even if he comes back now that's it, it's dead in the water.

But, I'm really struggling with the ghosting.
Just days before we had been discussing how to strengthen and the future and all that.
Then BAM. Poof. Gone.

I'm finding it hard. Hard enough that I've two kids at home managing that as a single parent, lost my dad last year, struggling with lockdown (like everyone I know) but I genuinely had very strong feelings for this guy. I was (am) totally in love with him. And this hurts.

Well done for deleting, it'll get easier soon, I had to block my ex to stop myself from being tempted to have a look at what he was up to. It worked, within a week I was out of the habit of wondering about him.

I wouldn't say we argued, just disagreed on some stuff. But yeah, it went quite quickly through the stages. Maybe it was just cuffing season keeping us together... who knows.

Anyway, thanks again. I do feel better already for removing him. It's a relief actually to open Facebook or whatever and know there's no chance of seeing a post pop up with his name and face.

It's not good he owes you more than that. I had something similar although I didn't realise to reading your thread that I was actually ghosted. After 2.5 years she owed me more than that I think. She knew she could be brutally open with me but when it came ending it she took the easy route.

Move on.

Ghosting is done by cowards

Yes you dodged a bullet

Beachtrip... You're doing great. You're deleted him but have you also blocked him from contacting you? It's very tempting not to do that, to leave a last little window open with it all on him to make contact but, if you do that, you'll always be looking up at it...

If he's not blocked, do that, it's the final step and the relief knowing that he cannot disrupt or disquiet you again will be worth it. It will be a huge weight off your chest.

Delete him from all media, emails and phones. It stops weak moments. Never settle for anyone who doesn't deserve you. You cannot fix people or make them into what you want...they got to do that all for themselves. Took me getting to 50 to take my social worker hat off and become very picky about relationships. Frankly life is too short for all the drama and heartache of a bad 'un. Single life is better than complicated couple life. Good luck to you xxx

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
I didn't block him on my phone. I just deleted his contact and all trace of him. (All call logs etc)
So I don't have his number now to block him.
Shoot.

Ok... so you'll have some time to gather your strength ready for when he does get in touch (because he will) to do this:

1.0 Don't open the text (really don't)
1.5 But if you did, do NOT reply
2.0 Go to your call blocker and tell it to block that number; hit it!

3.0 to infinity... Live your life free of that particular twat and file the useful training that you've given yourself into a readily accessible format to implement again... only much sooner.

You've got this, you really do. You just don't realise it yet.

Thank you so much!

Why will he reappear? That makes no sense!!

Dial back the giddiness, Beachtrip, don't be delighted by the prospect because it's not at all a flattering scenario. He'll likely get in touch because his ego will have taken a dent. In his mind it will be a jolt to realise that he can't play push me/pull you with you anymore.

That's it. The minute you engage again, he will back off knowing that if he wanted to, he could. Would you really want to give him that message?

None of this is said in any way to give you hope for a future with him. He has zero respect for you and you deserve way better. Just be prepared to block and, if he never ever gets in touch again, so much the better.

@Beachtrip

Thank you so much!

Why will he reappear? That makes no sense!!

Because you not chasing or begging dents his ego and he will want to get you to engage by dangling hope / an apology / outrage.

He may also get bored or lonely.

It’s how they work, sadly.

Oh no, I don't relish the prospect at all.
Was more interested in why they do it abs how you're so sure.

I intend to block. I'm not replying.
There is no future there.

I didn't deserve that. It's cowardly and shows who he is. That it's all a game and nothing more

Sorry for what he did to you. What an absolute shit.

I read this quote recently which is very apt in your case... If someone ghosts you then respect the dead and never bother them again.

So if he does come back, please give him your coldest, hardest shoulder just as he has done to you.

Aaaah OP. This is shit.

I didn't block my horrible ex, and I didn't remove him from my social media, because I didn't want to show I cared, and also, like you, I wanted to know how exactly he would try to worm out of this when he got bored and decided to get in touch again. For me, it was the most bearable way to do it.

Ghosting after 6 months is the ultimate rejection because they're telling that you that you don't matter enough for a conversation. You don't deserve a conversation. It's quite shocking that grown men we liked a lot are capable of doing that. (Women too). It takes a while to get over, but just keep repeating to yourself, 'he wasn't my man' 'my man would never treat me that way'.
Delete and block him. Try to move onto someone else fast, because they tend to hang around in your mind due to the lack of closure.

My ex, whom i was utterly in love with ghosted me at the beginning of covid. Tbh it took about 4 months to recover from. Don't be surprised by the anger/ adrenalin surges then the sadness. But you WILL move one. I have never known sadness like it. The last message was 'don't worry, my love, everything will be ok'. Then he never read or replied again. I sent one text a week for 4 weeks then stopped. Heart broken. But it still took 3 months aftrr that.

Now i am seeing someone else. Not in love but it is a very fun relationship.

Tell you what's amazing. And you lot are so so en-point.

I can't check when he was last online. I can't look at what he's doing or posting and honestly. It's liberating. Because I can see myself being the type to sink into bad negative habits like, checking his last seen on WhatsApp or his insta story.

Can't do it, cos I removed him.
Am so glad I posted. So so so glad I posted.
Thank you, ladies and gents for the support and personal experiences. I don't Mumsnet much (been a loooong user, rare poster). You all came through for me.

100% on don't respect the dead. Excellent mantra. 💪🏻

Crap, I meant respect the dead.
Kinda took the wind outta my own sails there!
🤣🤣

I agree with those that say it doesn't sound like it was a healthy relationship anyway. 6 months in you should be thinking the sun shines out of each others arse! It should be easy, exciting and building, not stressful or too serious.

So I think it's probably for the best. Albeit ghosting is just awful and the height of rudeness.

Glad you've blocked him. And glad you didn't have to waste any more time on him x

Sounds like you dodged a bullet xx

He’s a total coward and really rude. How disappointing. But you’ve done right to remove him from Facebook etc. It’s amazing how less stressful it is to not see someone that has let you down, and know they’re online. Ignorance is bliss. Hope you’re ok.

Well done OP on deleting his number & from social media. Ghosting is just cruel. It is cowardly too of course..but how I felt when it happened to me was that it is just such a cruel way to leave a relationship. If he does ever pop up again, don't even engage... he is not worth your time or energy. Be positive, you know you'll be fine...just keep seeing the day in the future when this no longer hurts or has any power to affect you. That day will come & he'll just be some arsehole that isn't worth the time of day.

Thank you. Actually really struggling today.
Finding it very painful, not in a way of... he rejected me. But more the frustration that comes with it.
And the fact that I fell for all the bullshit, again.
Some people are saying get back on the horse, but I'm so not ready for that.

Just threw away the thing I had bought for Valentine's Day, as I don't want it. And clearly he's not getting it!

Just finding it painful today. Have cried a bit

It takes a whole heap of time. But going completely cold turkey om SM will speed up the process. Honestly it will. But it will still take weeks

Sorry you're struggling today, be kind to yourself and do whatever makes you feel better and distracts you from thinking about that arse. There will be times of 2 steps forward 1 step back, but gradually you will get there.

Maybe write out a letter to him putting down everything you feel and then burn it, getting my feelings out always helps me.