First time ghosted

[Beachtrip]

Been seeing the guy for 6 months.
We bubbled together, visited each other, spent Christmas together. Had some disagreements, things weren't perfect but we talked often, was a bit of physical distance so couldn't always see each other easily.
Both have kids (we never met each other's).
I didn't see it coming.
We had disagreed over something and it felt like the distance was getting a bit much. Weren't seeing each other as much as we'd like and I felt he was putting in less and less effort.
We discussed and made a plan for going forward to try to be together when we couldn't be together (watching films at the same time or set phone calls X times a week etc)

Then, he ghosted. Literally just hasn't replied to me for several days now.
Very clear it's over. I won't accept that level of rudeness and disrespect. So even if he comes back now that's it, it's dead in the water.

But, I'm really struggling with the ghosting.
Just days before we had been discussing how to strengthen and the future and all that.
Then BAM. Poof. Gone.

I'm finding it hard. Hard enough that I've two kids at home managing that as a single parent, lost my dad last year, struggling with lockdown (like everyone I know) but I genuinely had very strong feelings for this guy. I was (am) totally in love with him. And this hurts.

That's very cowardly of him after 6 months but like you say with the distance and disagreements and lack of effort, maybe it's for the best, you want someone to work with you not against.

Quite right dont respond if he decides to get in touch.

Sorry OP. I know it hurts and I’ve been there. He clearly doesn’t feel the same way towards you. It will hurt and will take time but try your best to move on. Did he block you? Or is he the sort of ghost (like mine) that will never block you but will ignore you like you never even met?

He probably got overwhelmed with the whole arrangements to be in touch more often and then took the cowards way out?

Whatever you do, don’t contact him. Just mirror his behavior and fall off the face of the earth too. It hurts I know, but tell yourself that if he could do this, he is not the man for you. Also , a man who cares will make the effort to see you.

i'm sorry - ghosting hurts. i've been there, an ex ghosted me after 4 years together. so i understand how you feel.

i'm assuming that all the disagreements being only 6 months in probably caused him to become distant over time. most of the men i've dated don't like all the arguing and disagreements, it's too much and will only put up with it for a while before they think it's just easier to move on.

You were only "together" 6 months, argued, which isn't a good sign during the honeymoon period, and barely saw each other. I'm sorry op, but this wasn't working from the start. You say you're in love with him but you barely even know him, and you're still in love with a man who has proven himself to be an immature, cruel twat? Really?

The truth is you've dodged a bullet. Be thankful you have.

@Aquamarine1029

You were only "together" 6 months, argued, which isn't a good sign during the honeymoon period, and barely saw each other. I'm sorry op, but this wasn't working from the start. You say you're in love with him but you barely even know him, and you're still in love with a man who has proven himself to be an immature, cruel twat? Really?

The truth is you've dodged a bullet. Be thankful you have.

Yeah...I didn’t think the arguments at just 6 months in was a good sign...

Thanks.

I mean, my feelings haven't disappeared completely in the last few days because he's shown his true colours.
I still have a lot of feelings, even if they were misplaced by a mask.

I have definitely dodged a bullet.

I'm just hurting and it's hard to process. This all just happened.

He is a coward. He is haunting/orbiting.
Still there on all platforms etc.
I should take the plunge and remove him but I'm hesitating for some reason.

I just needed to get all this out as it's inside of me. Clearly I'm not gonna vent at him!! And I've got the kids here and just trying to keep myself together for them.

Thanks for replies.

Sorry OP that really sucks but you have absolutely dodged a bullet.

A man who could ghost after you’d had a chat about your future is a coward and not someone you could ever have a secure relationship with.

He will come crawling back - they always do.

Don’t engage.

A phrase I’ve often seen on here but only just started to live by is : when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.

He’s shown you. Believe him.
And know you deserve better.

I have just dumped my boyfriend for lack of manners, and the way he talks about other people. But I told him why he was going. It takes a while for you to realise who these people really are, and they might not even be like the person you think you love. When they ghost you, it hurts and is disrespectful. It is also a glowing beacon as to their immature approach to life and people. They don't care nor value others time or emotions. That is not the approach of a life-long partner or husband, so I hope you realise that even if it hurts, it is for the best. I am feeling a bit shell shocked today as I put an end to my relationship yesterday. But I knew I did the right thing. I hope in time you feel this was for the best too.

It sucks, I know. You'd feel a lot better, much faster, if you deleted and blocked him. You say yourself (quite rightly) that there's no way back. That being the case, start healing by really getting rid.

Time really is a great healer, best time is now. He needs to be deleted and blocked, he's no loss even if it feels like it is right now.

@scoobydoo1971
Sorry you're going through a tough time too.

I think, that yeah, if he had had the balls to simply engage me or even just send a text saying "not working out. Bye" and then blocking me. Would be better then ghosting.
What a bullshit wanky fucking move.
Where's your self respect??

It was just out of the blue for me. And I'm sad.
Really should delete him, why am I hesitating?

Awful. No excuse for this behaviour whatsoever. Especially after 6 months!!

Why are you hesitating?
Maybe because that makes it real and final and some part of you is holding out hope that he'll come back and say all the right things and that part of you is in conflict with the part that is said fuck him, I'm done.

By not deleting him you are leaving the door ajar, which is perfectly natural.

Firstly, you need to remember that if he really, really needed to get in touch at some point to tell you he'd lost his phone/been in hospital etc then he will find a way if he cares.

Blocking him will help you take back control and heal faster.

Yeah, I think you're right.
I don't want to pursue this relationship. No matter what he says or does. I'm done.
But I guess, I am hoping he will at some point show me some respect.
Im pretty sure he'll show up at some point. And I guess I'm curious to see what form that takes.

Stupid I know.

Are you sure he’s not married?

You're contradicting yourself, Beachtrip, you say that no matter what he does or says, you're done... but you're waiting for respect from him, now? He's not shown this to you when before when it can be assumed that he cared about you.

What are you waiting for really? To give him permission to just treat you badly again? By keeping a light on for him in the form of being able to contact you, you're prolonging your own pain. That's on you, sorry. You say all the right things that are actually good for you... but at the same time, you're doing something else quite different.

If it's affecting you it's affecting your children, make no mistake about that because you're a human, not a machine. Presumably you can't just fling yourself on the floor and drum your feet for hours on end... because you have grown-up stuff to do?

Honestly, take the power back and all his methods of getting in touch, it really will help you and, after the first test to him or back to him, you'll be kicking yourself that you gave up this power that you have right now. You can do it.

But I guess, I am hoping he will at some point show me some respect.

A unicorn will show up at your door before this ever happens. Stop being delusional and block him.

@beachtrip I feel your pain. My dp of 4 years did this after I told him I couldn't do the weekend relationship anymore. He was amazing on many fronts until it came to talking about our future and then he'd minimise /make me feel bad for mentioning it.
I told him I was stopping weekends and bam.. Gone.. A whole 4 weeks of nothing after 4yrs..of course if I had a go it would have been my fault as it was 'my decison'..
Then last week birthday gifts appear and a card.. So I thank him for the presents but ignore the 'I miss you' sad bits.. Because a month had passed with not so much as a hello.
Jesus we live and learn hey

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
You're totally right. I do have power now. And I am contradicting myself.
You're also completely right that if he couldn't respect me before why am I expecting it now.
I'm just self sabotaging myself.

So to that end. I have removed him from FB and insta. Feels very strange to do so. Feels like that's something he should have done?

You should be really proud of yourself, Beachtrip, I know that was hard, really hard. You've set yourself free of him and you will benefit so much from this intervention that you've done for yourself.

I wish, wish, wish I'd posted for advice when I needed it but no, I didn't. I dithered and pretended to myself that it wasn't the way it was. It was glaringly obvious, it was smacking me in the face but, there's nobody who can lie to you better than you can yourself. I've been there. You're not going there and I'm really happy for you.

Bloody well done!

... and, if he'd been the one to remove you from social media, you would really have felt shit. You've taken that away from him and given yourself the biggest gift ever - freedom and self-respect. Just wait for your self-esteem to recover and you won't get fooled by somebody like this again.

@Ntwa 4 years?!? Wtf is wrong with these people.

Thank you all for your support.
I'm deeply saddened by all this.
I really thought this could have been something.

And I recognise that the person I fell in love with doesn't exist, but I still have those feelings, that longing that it was real. Guess that will just take time to get past.

On the plus side, he lives quite a distance away so no chance of accidentally bumping into him!!

So glad you've deleted him! Well done. Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, look at your lovely kids! Buy yourself a little treat online (book, perfume... whatever your thing is!)
You're a warrior woman!

It's tough, but you haven't lost anything real.
Well done for deleting him!

Hmm, you were only together six months and had already been arguing? That's not a great sign.

Move on.