Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are there any trustworthy men left?

81 replies

Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 11:05

Okay i know before i get slated for man bashing i want to have an open and honest discussion and hear some RL experiences on the subject. Have you been in a long term relationship or know anyone (im talking 10years plus) who has been with DP longterm without any infidelity or breaks? Ive just been cheated on and everyone i know in a long term relationship tells the same story of some sort of affair emotional or physical or one night stand..some forgive and move on others dont. But i want to hear some positive love stories that will restore my belief in love as sad as that is...

OP posts:
BuggerBognor · 08/02/2021 11:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

yetmorecrap · 08/02/2021 11:52

I would say yes - but finding one you actually are attracted to is tougher. I think many men are loyal and trustworthy until they get bored or stressed and especially in relationships over 5 years. In my experience as well it’s been the less obvious ones who are more likely to want the ego boost/buzz— the ones the girls didn’t flock to when younger— I’ve found many jack the lad types are flirty and a bit all mouth- but often pretty loyal to their family

Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 14:25

@BuggerBognor sorry to hear you ve had a rough time too but thats a very interesting point about women i seem to have a sign on my head that says doormat! I cant seem to find many women i can trust whole heartedly either but thats something i want to work on. I want to expand my friendship group and hobbies and work on me as cliche as that sounds. Aaagh i need some positive stories to perk me up lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 14:31

@yetmorecrap thats soo true its always the ones you least expect..i think thats my problem in a twisted way i always find myself attracted to a mans personality the more ordinary dad bod type with a great sense of humour in the back of my mind thinking theyr less likely to cheat but like u said its the opposite they end up needing an ego boost. I hear all these love stories of my grandparents were married 50 years etc but i think its more to do with the fact theyr unhappy but it was more frowned upon to get a divorce back in the day🙄

OP posts:
Mochatatts · 08/02/2021 14:53

I was with my exh for 13 years and he didn't cheat that I'm aware of. Probably because he's incredibly dull and had a bloody good life. Think we both kind of settled. As far as I'm aware when my OH was with his ex for 10 years he never cheated either, she did though and that's the reason they separated. My mother cheated on my father repeatedly, they were together 21 years before she left for another man.
So its not always the bloke who cheats though I suspect they can behave so badly/just generally crap that women go elsewhere to be treated better.
My best friend had suspected her husband of cheating though doesn't know for sure. But I do have a few friends where the man cheated.

Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 14:57

@Mochatatts of course it can be both sexes i just hear of more men doing it in my RL..did neither of you ever even kiss someone else? I wonder can a relationship ever really 100% recover surelly when the trust is gone its gone. Glad to hear one positive story tho kind of lol

OP posts:
SallyAnn32 · 08/02/2021 14:57

I was with my perfect exh for 17 years and married 10. He was so perfect and would never imo cheat. His dad did it to his mum and he never forgave him.

Then out of the blue - boom, affair with an older, married work colleague who is as ugly as sin on the inside. Our eldest DD has withdrawn all contact and has nothing to do with him. I had awful.

I hope they are good men out there. I have a nephew and hope he's one of the good guys when he grows up. I'd like to think my daughters won't have to deal with the same shit when they're older.

SallyAnn32 · 08/02/2021 14:58

@SallyAnn32

I was with my perfect exh for 17 years and married 10. He was so perfect and would never imo cheat. His dad did it to his mum and he never forgave him.

Then out of the blue - boom, affair with an older, married work colleague who is as ugly as sin on the inside. Our eldest DD has withdrawn all contact and has nothing to do with him. I had awful.

I hope they are good men out there. I have a nephew and hope he's one of the good guys when he grows up. I'd like to think my daughters won't have to deal with the same shit when they're older.

  • it is awful
BigFatLiar · 08/02/2021 15:07

Isn't there another thread already running on this?

Of course there are decent men around just as there are decent women.

Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 15:25

@SallyAnn32 i had the same experience EVERYONE thought my OH was perfect such a nice guy who d never cheat soory u went through it too..it hurts

OP posts:
SallyAnn32 · 08/02/2021 15:27

[quote Ponderinglife123]@SallyAnn32 i had the same experience EVERYONE thought my OH was perfect such a nice guy who d never cheat soory u went through it too..it hurts[/quote]
Honestly! Why do they do it?! We've been split up a year and so many of my friends have said that what happened with us made them look at their husbands differently and question their trust. The general quote was if he can do that to you then it could happen to anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

Has yours ever tried to come back? Sorry to happened to you too. I hope you're ok x

Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 15:34

@BigFatLiar yeah i just seen it after i made this must be a common theme lol

OP posts:
stuckinaloopie · 08/02/2021 15:46

No. Honestly no good man out there. I have given up.

Original poster
Ponderinglife123 · 08/02/2021 15:50

@stuckinaloopie what have your experiences been like? Im beginning to question if humans are meant to be monogamus (sorry spelling sucks lol)

OP posts:
sunnyzweibrucken · 08/02/2021 16:23

every guy i've had a LTR has cheated on me. i was engaged for 4 years to someone who out of the blue ghosted me and i found out a few months later he had married someone else. i was shocked as he adored me (and as i adored him) and there were NO signs that he would ever do that to me, but he did.

another ex emotionally cheated on me after 3 years together. and i thought we were doing good although we were in a LDR.

almost every man i've been in a relationship for long term has cheated on me. i don't know if i could EVER trust another one again.

Fireandflames666 · 08/02/2021 16:26

There probably are men out there that don't cheat but every guy I've been friends with or have ever known have cheated, even the "100% trustworthy would never do it" ones. My new partner says he would never cheat, but there's always that thought at the back of my head that there's always a chance it would happen.

Whodofthunk · 08/02/2021 16:30

Possibly one in a million, but personal experience is akin to yours Sad

Rollercoasteride · 08/02/2021 16:33

I am sure there are men out there who would not cheat.
Up until 3months ago I would say my husband was one of them. A guy you would never expect it from. Shocked me,our friends and family when I found out about his emotional affair.
We were together 18 years.
I don't think I could fully trust a man ever again. But that is my hang up I suppose.

BasiliskStare · 08/02/2021 16:36

Ach - 25 years here and no infidelity

It can happen

Reglardez · 08/02/2021 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DiamondBright · 08/02/2021 16:51

Trouble is you'll get replies on here saying there's been no infidelity but that might not be true. My exH was the last person anyone would have expected to cheat, including himself, he had a breakdown from the guilt and stress, so you just never know.

I had some issues with DP in the early days, the tricky move from FWB to a relationship, he didn't strictly speaking cheat but he crossed a line, I would trust him now as much as I'd trust any man, probably 90%, I'd never 100% trust again.

Deadringer · 08/02/2021 16:58

I am married over 30 years and even though things are a bit rocky at the moment, i don't think my dh has ever cheated, or ever would cheat. I have several brothers too and i would be astounded if any of them cheated on their wives, i just don't think they have it in them tbh. We all all in our 50/60s though so perhaps our generation is less likely to cheat than younger people who have more opportunities with dating apps and such.

grassisjeweled · 08/02/2021 17:05

I'd never trust any man not to cheat. Never.

I've been hit on way too many times by married men. They're like dogs

Faith50 · 08/02/2021 17:26

Two years ago I would have said yes. Now I think the women who believe their partners/husbands are faithful just have not discovered it yet. Awful way to think.

I was completely floored and suicidal when I discovered my h's ONS. I was gaslighted for a whole year and knew there was more. I have since had an affair (OM was single) both physically and emotionally. I was a wreck, drinking too much and on antidepressants.

I will never look at my h the same or trust another man again.

BigFatLiar · 08/02/2021 17:35

Male or female both are capable of cheating.

I don't think my husband has cheated (tough enough getting him to talk to women) as he's older than me and men die younger he'll probably die before me and I'll still believe he never cheated.

Of our circle of friends we have few separations/divorces among those who married. One whose wife left with someone at her work and another whose husband 'went a bit strange' (no one else involved). Several of OH's friends are single as they were shat on (figuratively not literally) by women early on (we're all older) and decided they were happier on their own.

I think in general people cheat if they get the chance if its in their nature. Probably more prevalent now as people are much more 'me first' and less concerned about others.

Swipe left for the next trending thread