Are there any trustworthy men left?

[Ponderinglife123]

Okay i know before i get slated for man bashing i want to have an open and honest discussion and hear some RL experiences on the subject. Have you been in a long term relationship or know anyone (im talking 10years plus) who has been with DP longterm without any infidelity or breaks? Ive just been cheated on and everyone i know in a long term relationship tells the same story of some sort of affair emotional or physical or one night stand..some forgive and move on others dont. But i want to hear some positive love stories that will restore my belief in love as sad as that is...

@grassisjeweled

I'd never trust any man not to cheat. Never.

I've been hit on way too many times by married men. They're like dogs

You know, I bloody well hate to say it, but I agree. I have seen so many women (myself included) blindsided over the years by their 'soulmate', the 'love of their life' and so many of them never dreamed that THEIR partner would cheat, because he 'wasn't that guy' - except he was. I have zero faith that there are any truly decent men now. Zeer-oh.

I'd never trust any man not to cheat. Never.

Agreed. I firmly believe that under the right circumstances pretty much all of them would do it... Wife nagging and not stroking his ego enough + beautiful work colleague who thinks he's wonderful starts texting him = boom.

Yvanka I do not believe the women have to be beautiful at all. Some men are known to have affairs with women not as physically attractive as their partners/spouse. I really do believe it is how the woman makes the man feel about himself.

Men like attention and will take it from women they would not naturally choose as a life partner/spouse just because it is on offer. Perhaps the partner/wife is not prioritising them, listening to them, preoccupied with work, the children. There is no excuse either way.

My h regrets the ONS and the horrific state he saw me in. He feels emasculated after my affair too. I am struggling to feel remorse after the wretched pain I was in.

I really think the saying 'men are only as faithful as their options' is unfortunately true.

@SallyAnn32 im still going through the seperation its all raw still it makes you question everything and everyone doesnt it thats the scary part im a strong person but to think you ve been living a lie turns your world upside down @sunnyzweibrucken what age are you? Im wondering is this worse in the younger generation with tinder etc sorry uve been disrespected soo much @Fireandflames666 id be the exact same its not just my trust in him gone its ppl in general..@Whodofthunk there are soo many of us sorry! @Rollercoasteride its the same story over and over the supposed nice guys wow sorry @BasiliskStare glad to hear one good love story have you ever seperated or had a big blow up row just curious @DiamondBright thats the thing i dont believe its always these sick twisted abusive types is it a case of good ppl make mistakes or is it biological? @Deadringer im wondering the same i think the older generation cheated but its soo much easier nowadays!

@grassisjeweled really? Do u think its the thrill of getting caught? @Faith50 i have the same thoughts its terrible isnt it ive gotten to a stage of believing most ppl do cheat and half of them just havent been caught i dont want to be bitter but its made me soo cynical

Yes I have been with H for 20 years and as far as I know never cheated or any history of DV.

However he is H and not DH for a reason too....

@ParadiseIsland ?

Been together 9 years with a child, neither of us have ever physically cheated but there have been arguments about another woman.

I was going to say my H but to be fair it’s only cause he chickened out because he doesn’t like his “public” image to be tainted.
He openly chased another woman in front of me, had an extremely violent outburst when I called him on his mentionitis/smiling every time he brought her up and then he told me he wanted me out of “his” house (that is, blame me so he could “legitimately” get with her).
It didn’t happen because as soon as I got home I went to the GP (we’d been on holiday but left early after his violent outburst) and he was scared that I’d report him for DV.
I really wish I had.
That was 8-9 years ago.
I’ll never trust a man in any regard again.
This is most especially after the trauma I endured about 18 months ago when a “lovely” married gay doctor touched me inappropriately (obviously without consent) and the hospital sided with him.
I swear from looking over past relationships and encounters, men are mostly in need of ego boosts and just “have” to take advantage.
I’m sure there are plenty of women like that too.
Relationships are often more trouble than they are worth.
Sorry to hear so many of you have been through this.

@Krazynights34 i would go crazy when i was younger and older women would say statements like this i would say thats soo sexist not all men think with their dicks but the sad thing is the older im getting i hear more and more stories like yours men abusing assaulting and cheating on women..obvs not all men do this but an alarming amount try to get away with it soo sorry this happened to you x

I was married for over 20 years, and neither of us cheated.

My XH did far worse things, though, so I'm not sure how helpful that is.

Current long-term partner has grumpy tendencies, but has never cheated. He was married for a long time, too, and never cheated on his wife.

My parents have been married over 50 years, and neither of them has cheated.

So while XH was a problem, he hasn't changed my view of men in general. I still see men as just like women - some are nice, and others less so. Some lie and cheat, and others don't. Some hit their wives and children, but the huge majority of them don't.

@PixelatedLunchbox the whole soul mate thing is really sad because u believe theyr your best friends best friends dont lie and hurt you irreparably

@Faith50 interesting point i dont think looks play a major part either its more about convenience @EberhardtSmallcock you are either really lucky by the looks of it or know a lot of good liars JK it must b great to have that security i thought i had it at one point

I really think we as women need to wake up to the reality of relationships and what we can reasonably expect from men.

I have been approached by friend's husbands and even a vicar whilst I was delivering an anniversary gift to his wife!.
I see the stress of always wondering, checking and considering infidelity adding years to my friends who walk on eggshells trying to avoid what may have already happened.

I'm not suggesting every man cheats but very few I have met would not ..in fact I only know of 1 and that's my dad!

Imagine how much happier we would all be if we accepted polyamory or singlehood?

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous but for evolutionary purposes, it has served us well, as long as women knew their place.

As long as we took care of the hunter-gatherers and sired their offspring it worked, turned a blind eye to infidelity, violence, coercive control, and in return, you get a nice house, bills paid for, and security.

Fast forward to the 21st century where women have won the right to create their own security, marriage has become somewhat redundant. It used to be a contract between families, then religion turned it into something sanctimonious, forcing women to stay in miserable marriages, making it a women's sole purpose in life to marry and procreate.

Now don't get me wrong, when I met my ex-husband I fell madly in love, fireworks, the lot, and our marriage was great for a few years but sadly because of mental health issues on both our parts, I gave up, although our sex life had dwindled to nothing and I suspect there may have been some kind of cheating at the end and I don't blame him, I'd become a cold fish

Since my divorce, I have dated a handful of what can only be described as idiots, no idea why my standards fell, probably because I was perimenopausal and my brain wasn't working correctly for a while but each one of them was a deceitful, unreliable, dishonest twat. My problem, I saw the red flags and ignored them. Now I am back to myself I feel physically sick at the thought of getting involved with yet another man who will ultimately let me down and am genuinely LOVING the single life. Coming to the realisation I don't NEED a man has been life-changing.

Do I think all men are assholes, nope, but a large majority of them are given the chance. Do I regret leaving my marriage? if I am honest yes, because I've never met anyone I had such a connection with before or since, but now I have a different life.

@Deadringer

I am married over 30 years and even though things are a bit rocky at the moment, i don't think my dh has ever cheated, or ever would cheat. I have several brothers too and i would be astounded if any of them cheated on their wives, i just don't think they have it in them tbh. We all all in our 50/60s though so perhaps our generation is less likely to cheat than younger people who have more opportunities with dating apps and such.

Without wishing to burst your bubble, the dating apps are jam-packed with married men in their 40's/50's/60's.

@Krispyk not wishing to derail this thread or poach anyone but you'll find a bunch of likeminded ladies here ;
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4133634-Single-but-not-looking-Share-the-highs-lows

I know older men can and do cheat, but i grew up in a time and place when monogamy was expected and divorce was impossible, and i think we just expected that we would be with one person only for life. One of my sils cheated on my brother though, and left him for another man, and my best friend was dumped by her husband for another woman (i saw that one coming) but i honestly dont think my brothers would do it, they adore their wives and would be terrified of losing them. I believe that lots of men cheat, maybe even most, but not all.

Yes some men do not cheat just as women.
Loads will cheat just like women.
Can you trust them? Can you trust anyone?
Well a handfull, but let's not go overboard (wonen and men in same boat here).

[quote wherearthough]@Krispyk not wishing to derail this thread or poach anyone but you'll find a bunch of likeminded ladies here ;
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4133634-Single-but-not-looking-Share-the-highs-lows[/quote]
Thanks, I keep meaning to post on that thread but always forget!

Every ltr I've been in I've been cheated on multiple times. One guy led a whole double life for 2 years he was sleeping with his ex fiance and even on the same nights he'd come and sleep with me, I had no idea and over a year after it stopped (she knew about me the whole time but got bored of him) I found out. It's crazy the acting and lies people will tell go try to get out of cheating.

I sadly come from a family of men who cheat.

My father remarried but when he married his second wife (no one knew for 8 years) he was living a double life he was FIFO and had zever women in another country he was sending money to and having relations with, he also contracted HIV and continued to have unprotected sex with his wife all while keep his HIV secret from everyone.

My brother married a lady whirlwind marriage, paid for the wedding flew her over from overseas as well as her family
... Two weeks later he invited a lady to share the rent... He would be sleeping with her while his wife was upstairs asleep. His wife was Japanese and ultra conservative, she hardly spoke English and was so alone and this went on for months before she reached out and had a breakdown as he wouldn't stop and he wouldn't ask her to (lodger) to leave. Infact what did happen is he told his wife he would quit his job in a few months time and they'd move back to Japan, she was so happy, he said he'd send her back to Japan sooner because she seemed home sick. Well he sure send her back on a one way ticket and never spoke to her again, 3onths later the lodger is pregnant with his baby and they're engaged before he is even divorced.

I have serious trust issues after my family members and my personal experiences. Some men are truly just soul destroying left right and centre all for some fanny.

I don't think it's just men, I've cheated when I've been unhappy but now Cillian Murphy could proposition me and it'd be a no.

My ex man asked me, in theory, whether I would cheat if I could get away with it. He thought most people, particularly men would. I said that I wouldn’t, and not just because people, particularly men, nearly always get found out.

He was one of those arrogant fools who didn’t think he’d get found out - until I caught him at it. I told his other woman what he’d been up to as well as he’d obviously been lying to her.

A previous poster mentioned age being a possible factor when it comes to cheating. I’d hoped he was old enough to know better (he’s well in his 60s). He was also hiding behind a facade of being on good terms with his children and ex, praying five times a day, going to the mosque on Friday and doing the Hajj and umrah.

It’s arrogance - I honestly believe that a lot of men behave like this because they’re weak, easily led and they don’t think they’ll get found out.