I reported my abuser from 20 years ago.

[rainbowdashsneeze]

Yesterday I phoned the police and reported a rape that took place when I was 12 years old. I was inspired by a thread asking when you lost your virginity and I realised I answered that question with "12 years". I didn't lose my virginity at 12 I was raped! The police came round within an hour of reporting the offence and took my statement. I am now beginning to get cold feet and think I have done the wrong thing. I can't help but feel I should have let sleeping dogs sleep instead of waking all of that pain and hurt. It was 20 years ago now and I still think about it on a regular basis and I know it's the right thing to do but I am also very Aware that conviction rate for rape is very low so I may be fighting a loosing battle. Not really sure why I'm posting tbh.

Well done - that has taken a tremendous amount of courage. You are doing what an adult should have done for you 20 years ago. It is normal to feel scared but try and feel proud of yourself too! Imagine if you heard this now about a 12 year old you knew - you would not hesitate to report it.

How awful. I hope he goes down for a long time.

Blimey that must have been horrendous .. shame on all this people ( presumably men ) who watched .. i hope they arrest him! Your poor 12 year old self , at that age girls are so young and innocent 😔

That is absolutely heartbreaking OP, I wish I could reach in to the past and give wee 12 year old you a hug, you must have been so frightened.

to you, and also to others on this thread who have shared their stories too.

I hope your rapist feels fear now.

You threw yourself at him, is he for real! You was12 years old, there is no way around that, he deserves anything he gets, well done for doing what you have done, you have nothing to feel bad about.x

@rainbowdashsneeze

I admire you and you strength.
He should not define you

Of course a 12-year old child can be awestruck by a 17 year old, I can remember when I was young and older teenagers seemed so glamorous, i hung around them like a lost puppy
To twist that around and say that a child 'threw herself at him'.... it's completely despicable🤬
how can men be allowed to laughingly sabotage the lives of women and girls like this🤬

He made several people watch whilst he did it and I gave all those names to the police. The police said it will only take one person to say they witnessed sex as I was only 12 so I was unable to consent

I have a feeling that someone will tell the truth.

Well done you. I hope it does ruin his life. I think this will give you some type of closure.

Hopefully one of them may now have children themselves and may be relieved to unburden themselves of witnessing something they now understand is so absolutely horrific.

Of course they should have known that then and it shouldn't take having a child to know that, I don't have kids myself yet, but in the 20 years that have since passed I hope so much one or more of them feel tremendous guilt for standing by and give a full witness statement to the police.

I'm so sorry for you OP and you're so brave

It took me 39 years to report my abuser to the police. I was 9 when it happened. It’s incredibly hard and it will get harder before it gets easier. You will go through every emotion under the sun, but will come out the other side stronger than ever.

What really helped me was to finally be able to tell my story in all its horrible details. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted. My mental and physical health is so much better. I just accepted that I had very poor sleep patterns, which lead to a lifetime of migraines. It has taken me reporting to actually sleep through a whole night without waking up and I gave only had one migraine in the last 2.5 years. I start my counselling next Thursday.

You are incredibly brave and have taken that first incredible step. 💕💕💕

You are such an amazing strong woman. 12, there is no way this was even a tiny bit your doing. Even if he doesn't get convicted (and I truly hope he does), it will have come out and people will know he raped a 12 year old. I hope the men who watched do not get to walk away from this. It's abhorrent.

My therapist asked me at 50 if I wanted to report my sexual assualt at 10 years old - ie from 40 years ago. At first I was shocked at reporting something that long ago, and then I was shocked it was the first time it had been suggested to me since I first had therapy at 17!
Everyone's experience is different, so no one can tell you what's best for you - but ultimately I am so glad I did as it helped me gain closure. At first it was hard - I had to remember all the details for my report so in the beginning it made it worse as I had been blocking out the details since it happened. I had to think hard to put it together in my head and it felt embarassing. And then it was awkward telling my husband that I was doing this - and then I ended out falling out with a family member because I was doing it and they were worried about being called as a witness (now things are OK with them now). But on the plus side, I told my parents about the full story and they were very supportive. Given that it was 40 years ago, the police did look into it thoroughly but there wasn't records left. In someway I was relieved because it was over. Before I reported it, it was something which had niggled away at me everyday of my life. As a woman it affected my relationship with my husband, as a mother it affected my approach to parenthood as it made me more anxious for my children's safety. But I kept trying to squash it down and rationalise it was so long ago and it didn't affect me now - but it did. But now its done with, I carry with me now the notion I faced something I was in fear of, and I feel better, stronger and no longer afraid, - I feel like I somehow I took my control back. I think its really brave and sensible for you to deal with it. I hope you are able to find some peace too in whatever way you choose.

Thanks again everyone. Your comments are keeping me strong! I am so frightened and I am preying to god the people who watched tell the true story. It's only been since I became an adult that I realised what they did and how they were complicit in the offence by watching and not protecting me.

@ElfAndSafetyInspector

Well done OP. The detail you gave about making others watch - that doesn't sound like a one-off where he thought a pre-teen girl 'threw herself,' that sounds like the actions of someone who had done it before and will escalate, so please don't waste your compassion for whether him being a rapist may affect his life, save it for yourself.

This.

Someone so evil to do that, won't have done it only once.

This could give others the courage too.

What a great woman you are.

Don't waste a thought on him.

Thank you for doing this OP.
We are all with you and wishing you well 💙