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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I reported my abuser from 20 years ago.

90 replies

rainbowdashsneeze · 05/02/2021 09:30

Yesterday I phoned the police and reported a rape that took place when I was 12 years old. I was inspired by a thread asking when you lost your virginity and I realised I answered that question with "12 years". I didn't lose my virginity at 12 I was raped! The police came round within an hour of reporting the offence and took my statement. I am now beginning to get cold feet and think I have done the wrong thing. I can't help but feel I should have let sleeping dogs sleep instead of waking all of that pain and hurt. It was 20 years ago now and I still think about it on a regular basis and I know it's the right thing to do but I am also very Aware that conviction rate for rape is very low so I may be fighting a loosing battle. Not really sure why I'm posting tbh.

OP posts:
IAmongstTheWorld · 05/02/2021 17:25

It is very brave - I did similar a few months ago, you do not have to go through with the charges and CPS. One in Four has good advocacy.

Toocold · 05/02/2021 17:29

I think you’re amazing and very brave, I hope a weight will be lifted for you.

Original poster
rainbowdashsneeze · 05/02/2021 17:49

Thank you so much all of you. I can't tell you how much these comments mean. I keep coming back and reading the comments when I am feeling panicky and like I did the wrong thing. I am fighting with my emotions so much. It's taken 20 years to realise I deserve justice and I am not a slag!!

After he raped me he told everyone I threw myself at him and I got a reputation from there he made my life a misery. I ended up moving away from my home town when I had children as I was so scared they would find out.

I just feel so sad for that 12 year old girl who was so scared lonely and vulnerable wondering why no one wanted to protect her.

OP posts:
HappyFlamingo · 05/02/2021 17:57

That is a horrendous story OP. Feeling so sad for the 12yo child that you were Sad

Snowcloud92 · 05/02/2021 18:04

@rainbowdashsneeze

Thank you so much all of you. I can't tell you how much these comments mean. I keep coming back and reading the comments when I am feeling panicky and like I did the wrong thing. I am fighting with my emotions so much. It's taken 20 years to realise I deserve justice and I am not a slag!!

After he raped me he told everyone I threw myself at him and I got a reputation from there he made my life a misery. I ended up moving away from my home town when I had children as I was so scared they would find out.

I just feel so sad for that 12 year old girl who was so scared lonely and vulnerable wondering why no one wanted to protect her.

I am so sorry for everything you have been through all of these years. Its truly a horrible thing to happen to you.

I'm not really sure how to do the quotes, so I'm sorry if I've not done it right, but you say he told everyone? How old was he? I am so shocked that after he told multiple people he had sex with a 12 year old not a single person stood in your corner. That is truly shameful on their part.

o8O8O8o · 05/02/2021 18:10

Well done OP
I hope the perpetrator gets what he deserves

TeeBee · 05/02/2021 18:11

That shame does not belong to you. Well done for pushing it back where it belongs.

Original poster
rainbowdashsneeze · 05/02/2021 18:13

He was 17 at the time and had a reputation for being a bully himself so I assume that's why know one stood up for me.

He made several people watch whilst he did it and I gave all those names to the police. The police said it will only take one person to say they witnessed sex as I was only 12 so I was unable to consent.

I still feel an overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt. I can't help but think I will ruin his life but then my next thought is what about me? My life is always going to be tainted with this.

I have had lots of therapy over the years but I am going to get more as I most certainly need it.

Thank again all ❤️

OP posts:
Londono · 05/02/2021 18:17

@rainbowdashsneeze What happened to you is horrific. I'm so very sorry. You are so incredibly brave.

TeeBee · 05/02/2021 18:18

Omg OP, that sounds so horrendous. I am so so sorry that happened to you.
Seriously, fuck him. Fuck that bullying rapist. If reporting him brings you one tiny bit of solace, you deserve that. Do you think the thought of it is plaguing him?? I doubt it very much. You do what you have to do to deal with what he has done to you. It's his responsibility to worry about the fallout to him, not yours.

IdesMarchof · 05/02/2021 18:19

I’m so very sorry op. That is illegal for a reason and I hope you get a conviction.

Snowcloud92 · 05/02/2021 18:21

You aren't the one who has ruined his life. HE is the one who ruined his own life by choosing to ruin yours. You should never feel responsible for what happened then or what is happening now, as this was not your fault and you do not deserve what happened to you.

Well done for reporting him. I hope the police are able to bring him to justice. Hopefully it can bring you closure.

jackstini · 05/02/2021 18:22

Well done @rainbowdashsneeze
This was a very brave and amazing thing to do and I hope and do believe it will help you come to terms with the fact you have nothing to feel any shame over. It was completely his fault and he deserves to be brought to justice

Saying he made lots of people watch broke my heart for you. I hope they all do the right thing and tell the truth

Thanks for you - you are incredible

Coffeeandcocopops · 05/02/2021 18:23

I am so sorry OP that sounds horrendous and you are so brave. No one should have to go through what he did to you. A 12 year old too - so young, first year at secondary school. So very wrong. We are all with you on this. He should not go unpunished. Thinking of you.

Chloemol · 05/02/2021 18:27

Yes what you have done is absolutely right,

BabyPotato · 05/02/2021 18:32

Fuck him. He's evil. Also what about the people that just watched? Surely they should have done something? That's such a horrific thing to go though and you are an absolute legend for reporting him, OP. I hope the guy feels the consequences of his actions soon. Flowers

Boardeduplife · 05/02/2021 18:40

Well done you. A brave and difficult move. If you are in the uk ask to be referred to the local sexual violence advisor who will support you through the judicial process. It is likely to take well over a year to get a charging decision and even longer for a trial date if the offender is charged with any offences.
It’s not an easy process to put yourself through, but so necessary in order that these monsters do not get away with their crimes.

CoffeeCheeseandCupcakes · 05/02/2021 18:43

Well done OP. I'm so sorry for what he did to you, but you've absolutely done the right thing.

HollowTalk · 05/02/2021 18:44

He made people watch! That's appalling, to rape someone and to humiliate them too.

Did none of those people show any kindness to you?

Toocold · 05/02/2021 19:01

I wish I could hug you, he deserves this, you did not ruin his life he did! You have no reason to be ashamed, I truly hope his life is ruined, abusers have no idea how much they impact a victims life and he will forever now be on police files thanks to you, this alone could help someone else and I therefore think you’re so brave for yourself and other women 💐

Littlepaws18 · 05/02/2021 19:11

So amazingly strong- what an absolutely horrid experience at such a young age. You absolutely did the right thing, he was a monster and deserves to see justice. You never know you strength may help others to come forward as I'm sure a monster like that would not stop there.

Wish I could hug you! X

Jesskir89 · 05/02/2021 20:05

Youve defo done the right thing op and hopefully your braveness and this post may inspire others who have been doubting themselves. Good on you! Do you have RL support to help you with this?

WingingItSince1973 · 05/02/2021 20:09

You are absolutely amazing and deserve justice. I wish I had the guts to do the same but it would rip my family apart and it was over 30 years ago now. Thank you for being so so brave ❤

Minnie888 · 05/02/2021 20:15

Hand hold op, keep strong Thanks

Mooballs · 05/02/2021 20:18

@how2getoverit

You are so brave. I was sexually abused as a child and I haven't had the courage to report as it was a family member and I don't want people to know as I feel so ashamed and humiliated.

I really admire you. I hope you're able to access therapy etc if you need it too. Thanks

I am in a v similar position. I was so young when a family member took my virginity that I have no memory of it. Please don't feel ashamed, you have absolutely no reason to feel that way. OP. Well done. You are v brave and my thoughts are with you x
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