Can she see who he is chatting with on Whatsapp?

[Whatsapppussycat]

Asking for a friend (honestly!). She has concerns about her husband chatting on WhatsApp to another woman who she knows and has suspicions about.

By using two devices, she can see he is online on WhatsApp for a few minutes, then the woman is immediately online for a few minutes, then he is immediately online for a few minutes etc. Approximately every 30 minutes during his working day. This has been happening for a few months and it is driving her crazy.

She looked at his phone and it seems that he hasn’t messaged the woman for about a month, but previously they had messaged every few days, so she thinks he has deleted her messages. She also couldn’t see who he might have been chatting to at the relevant times.

She wants to get her ducks in a row before confronting him and risking him deleting any possible evidence. Is there any legal way for her to work out if he is messaging the woman?

@selflove

If she can access his phone, she could do settings > storage and data > network usage. It shows how many messages have been sent and received. Then reset statistics so it's all back to zero.

Then check his phone again in the evening, count how many messages his chats show he has sent and received that day, and check it matches up with the log. If the log shows 100 messages sent, but you can only see 30 showing in the chats, you know some have been deleted.

It won't give her evidence, but surely the fact he's definitely deleting messages might be enough for her to just leave

This is very clever, thank you.

Like pp has said WhatsApp activity is unreliable. I’ve had my friend sat next to me on WhatsApp and it shows she hasn’t been online for hours when she was just on....also when you leave WhatsApp it still shows you online for about 30-40 seconds.....it’s so unhealthy to do tho and will make her ill. They could be on like that forever and it could be totally innocent.

@Rooroobear

Like pp has said WhatsApp activity is unreliable. I’ve had my friend sat next to me on WhatsApp and it shows she hasn’t been online for hours when she was just on....also when you leave WhatsApp it still shows you online for about 30-40 seconds.....it’s so unhealthy to do tho and will make her ill. They could be on like that forever and it could be totally innocent.

Thanks Rooroobear. I’ve told her this. I’m hoping she can find another way to check if her suspicions are correct. It’s horrible for her at the moment.

Hopeful bump

There is a new thing on WA called disappearing messages that auto deletes messages after 7 days. In order to see if it's turned on your friend would have to get into the chat and click her name (in bold). There you can see all the individual settings for that conversation.

Is the friends name in the commonly contacted section? You can delete lots of messages but I don't think you can edit that.

And is she sure that they are on WhatsApp? What about a different app?

Calamity and Moanie - thank you, I’ll pass on that information.
Moanie - she hasn’t seen other apps on his phone and she’s seeing the online/offline thing on WhatsApp.

@Whatsapppussycat

Calamity and Moanie - thank you, I’ll pass on that information. Moanie - she hasn’t seen other apps on his phone and she’s seeing the online/offline thing on WhatsApp.

Look for: KIK LinkedIn (especially if it's a colleague) Instagram DMs FB messenger Viber Ordinary texts.

Also phone logs. People clear down messages but forget the phone logs!
Car phone logs are always very telling too.

Does she use an iPhone?

If so, go to the Home Screen and swipe right to the search thing, and then click on the search bar

On my phone, it brings up the three most used things, and a shortcut to the person I have been messaging most often that day
If he is whatsapping this woman, it should say ‘send a whatsapp to random woman’ as a shortcut

There is also switch and telegram apps

Is she normally a suspicious person? If so, she might want to work through her reasons for being paranoid.

If she isn't normally a suspicious person, she should honor her intuition. One of the things about betrayal is that when you ignore your own intuition when it's screaming at you, it's a betrayal of yourself - which is also very hard to get over.

@GappyValley

Does she use an iPhone?

If so, go to the Home Screen and swipe right to the search thing, and then click on the search bar

On my phone, it brings up the three most used things, and a shortcut to the person I have been messaging most often that day
If he is whatsapping this woman, it should say ‘send a whatsapp to random woman’ as a shortcut

Thanks for the suggestion. That doesn’t happen on my iPhone but I’ll suggest it to my friend.

Devilment and Moanie - thank you

@YellowRunningShoes

Is she normally a suspicious person? If so, she might want to work through her reasons for being paranoid.

If she isn't normally a suspicious person, she should honor her intuition. One of the things about betrayal is that when you ignore your own intuition when it's screaming at you, it's a betrayal of yourself - which is also very hard to get over.

She isn’t usually a suspicious person. Your comment about ignoring your instinct is spot on.

My DH uses desk top WhatsApp so he's logged in at work. It shows him online all day, but he's not actually at his desk much. Very annoying as I thought he was ignoring me and rang him and he was up a ladder apparently. I'm just saying it doesn't mean he's chatting.

@GappyValley

Does she use an iPhone?

If so, go to the Home Screen and swipe right to the search thing, and then click on the search bar

On my phone, it brings up the three most used things, and a shortcut to the person I have been messaging most often that day
If he is whatsapping this woman, it should say ‘send a whatsapp to random woman’ as a shortcut

@GappyValley - AMAZING!! I just tried that on my phone and it’s so true (sisters Whatsapp group and iMessage to my daughter. If I ever suspect my DH I’m sooo doing this 👌🤣