New partner and genital warts

[overthinker30]

I caught genital warts a few years ago and keep getting flare ups every now and then. It's not usually a problem as I get them frozen off; however I'm having a flare up at the moment but the GU clinic won't offer the freeze treatment because of covid. They've given me a cream to use instead, which I've been applying for a month and it is doing absolutely nothing! The clinic say it can take up to 4 months! I've recently started dating someone new and it's getting to the point where we are ready to have sex but I have to keep putting him off. I don't know what to do - there's only so many times I can be on my period! Should I tell him and hope he doesn't think any less of me? Has anyone else used the cream before (Aldara) and if so how long did it take to work for you?

Off license yes

And I chose a site that was easy to read

IM not arguing online with some random person online - makes no difference to me. I was offering the OP an option

@Bluntness100 Yes but you’re talking about hpv overall. Which includes cold sores etc

HPV does not cause cold sores! You’re thinking of herpes simplex, not human papilloma virus.

@Blushingm

Off license yes

And I chose a site that was easy to read

IM not arguing online with some random person online - makes no difference to me. I was offering the OP an option

You chose the only site which backed up your point of view after your google search.

And you can say you’re trying to be helpful but it’s not an option that’s a) proven to help or b) either licensed or regularly prescribed via sexual health clinics. Because it doesn’t work. Unlike the options that the OP had actually had offered to her by the clinic she has spoken to.

I hope no one who isn’t brave enough to call or go to a clinic for treatment reads this thread and tries to buy aciclovir for their warts - please ignore this poster who has no evidence for their claim

And no; your drugs.com link is not evidence

@Happycat1212

Yeh I’m pretty surprised someone who claims to work in a sexual health clinic would advise people to not tell their sexual partners they have a STI

Atrocious isn't it. They should be ashamed to call themselves a sexual "health" doctor. If there are many staff like this it's another reason not to be surprised our STI rates are so high...

Jesus wept. There are new levels of ignorance on this thread.

Sexual health specialists bothering to share their expertise and advice...you know...after medical training...yet still someone with no knowledge has a pop. MN for the win!

@Notawanker

This would be an individual choice based on several variables. Some would be: A) where exactly the warts are located. B) only when a condom is used C) whether having sex with them was a better option than abstaining from sex for a year (which I'd want to be doing in this situation unless meeting someone absolutely worthwhile).

It's very easy to say what you would do in this situation when you're not in it. I had GW 12 years ago and still, I don't know what I'd do in the OPs shoes. So many variables, so many outcomes. Even her age. If she's mid thirties and wanting to settle down with someone and have children and she thinks he's likely to be a good partner, then telling him would be a good thing to do. If she's 22 and finds him attractive but that's it, then no, probably I wouldn't tell him but take every precaution if I still wanted to have sex with him.

It's not a black and white situation.

@Notawanker

If she's 22 and finds him attractive but that's it, then no, probably I wouldn't tell him but take every precaution if I still wanted to have sex with him.

Knowingly concealing a sexually transmitted disease is vile and disgraceful behaviour. No ifs no buts.

The fact you think only the person with the STI should decide whether to expose another person to the disease yet the new partner whose body it is should have this information deliberately concealed from them, is controlling, deceitful and abusive behaviour.

@gypsywater I quite agree!

@LivBa
Knowingly concealing a sexually transmitted disease is vile and disgraceful behaviour. No ifs no buts

So I ask again - does everyone who’s ever had a cold sore disclose this to a sexual partner? Because, as I said upthread, if you are shedding this virus (possibly with no or minimal symptoms) and your sexual partner has not had cold sores (herpes simplex type 1) then they can catch this on their genitals via oral sex. In other words, a sexually transmitted infection.

I guarantee you the vast majority of the ~60-65% of UK adults who have cold sores aren’t telling sexual partners there could be a risk. Are they considered vile and disgraceful in your book too?

@livba how dramatic.

We're all walking around carrying sexual diseases as you put it, knowingly or not. It's part of human nature. Diseases thrive in mouths, on hands, in genitals. If genital infections were destigmatised and people weren't made to feel like lepers then sharing would be a lot easier.
Taking precautions is vital when carrying an STI, but exposing yourself potentially to social ridicule, mockery, gossip and assumptions that you "sleep around" if you have an STI can be absolutely traumatising and can ruin lives. It can even cause suicide.

It's so important to be careful who you tell and sexual health professionals are correct in advising this whilst emphasising the importance of taking precautions and treating infections.

As I've clearly expressed upthread, I would be avoiding sex for a year to avoid any conversations or feelings of shame around this. But everyone is different and has different needs. STIs are a part of life and unfortunately a wart on your finger is not perceived the same way as a wart of your genitals as you've spectacularly displayed here.

I would be fuming if my partner never told me he had genital warts.
I have even told my partner I get coldsores which he never has had but I still told him
Your morals are messed up

[quote mouldygrapes]@gypsywater I quite agree!

@LivBa
Knowingly concealing a sexually transmitted disease is vile and disgraceful behaviour. No ifs no buts

So I ask again - does everyone who’s ever had a cold sore disclose this to a sexual partner? Because, as I said upthread, if you are shedding this virus (possibly with no or minimal symptoms) and your sexual partner has not had cold sores (herpes simplex type 1) then they can catch this on their genitals via oral sex. In other words, a sexually transmitted infection.

I guarantee you the vast majority of the ~60-65% of UK adults who have cold sores aren’t telling sexual partners there could be a risk. Are they considered vile and disgraceful in your book too?[/quote]
@mouldygrapes
Anyone who knows they have cold sores and knows that they can cause genital warts in someone else if they give oral sex, yet still deliberately decides to go ahead to give oral sex and do it without telling their sexual partner so that the person whose body it is can make their own informed decision is of course vile, controlling and disgraceful behaviour. If you're the sort of person who would do that then that says a lot about you.

@LivBa - read the above carefully. There’s a difference between genital warts and genital herpes which had been explained more than once.

My point was whether that majority of people with cold sores are aware there is a risk and being reckless. To answer my own question, generally most people aren’t aware due to stigma and shame around talking openly about STIs and a strange myth that cold sores are more socially acceptable than genital herpes. This stigma is not helped by people who throw around words like vile and disgraceful when talking about these issues.

The point that I and the previous poster were trying to make is that STIs are common, you never know for sure there is zero risk when you get into bed with anyone, and therefore can’t make a fully informed decision. Not all STIs can be tested for and not everyone carrying a viral STI (both herpes and warts) will be aware they have it. This is the risk inherent when having sex with a new partner, just as there is risk whenever we get into a car or fly in a plane. You do things to mitigate those risks but you can’t eliminate them completely.

Frankly, your choice of words/attitude towards sexual health issues says a lot about you

@mouldygrapes that was a typo - I meant genital herpes, which is arguably even worse than genital warts! Stigma doesn't justify anyone deliberately not disclosing when they already know they have an STI or would cause one. The other sexual partner may still choose to participate in the sex act after being told but it's THEIR choice to make and no one else's. You're running rings around yourself to try to justify your rotten and deceitful attitude but it's attitudes like yours that are sadly contributing to STIs being so common in the first place.

@gypsywater

Sexual health specialists bothering to share their expertise and advice...you know...after medical training...yet still someone with no knowledge has a pop. MN for the win!

You do realise this is a public forum where anyone can create an account and claim anything about themselves with no proof whatsover? And quite frankly, if some of the people on this thread are real sexual health "specialists" then they're actively working against sexual health and are part of the problem.

OP if you’re both wanting to start a sexual relationship can you not suggest you both go and have a general STD check first, then that could be a useful starting point to mention the warts when you both get the results as the conversation on stds will have already been opened? I know it’s awkward but given your history and recurrences I think it needs to be discussed.

I agree there’s a lot of naivety on here, how can anybody confidently say they don’t have or have never had HPV? If 80%+ get it in their lifetime and it often has no symptoms then you have to assume you’ve had/will have it at some point if you’re at all sexually active.

I’ve heard genital herpes isn’t even included when you get a ‘full’ STD check-up. They only test people who come in seeking a diagnosis with obvious symptoms which is apparently only about 15-20% of cases. So the vast majority of people with genital herpes are completely unaware.

I don’t know a great deal about HPV though, does a cervical smear detect any form of it?

I meant genital herpes, which is arguably even worse than genital warts!

Worse in what sense? Again, think about your words. There will be people on here who have genital herpes, your judgement isn’t helpful.

Stigma doesn't justify anyone deliberately not disclosing when they already know they have an STI or would cause one

This shows how little you know about the stigma surrounding STIs. No, it doesn’t justify it, but it does exist and it is a problem. Talking about STIs and judging people who have them, using the words “vile and disgraceful” does not help break down this stigma. I haven’t at any point advocated non-disclosure. I’ve attempted to calmly and rationally discuss why it is not only people with symptomatic STIs who pass them on and that this is not done deliberately or wilfully.

You're running rings around yourself to try to justify your rotten and deceitful attitude but it's attitudes like yours that are sadly contributing to STIs being so common in the first place

How does that work exactly? As I’ve said twice, your attitude and stigmatisation is incredibly unhelpful. And please don’t resort to name calling - if this is what you’ve got to stoop to then you know your argument is weak.

@tinylittleyou

I’ve heard genital herpes isn’t even included when you get a ‘full’ STD check-up. They only test people who come in seeking a diagnosis with obvious symptoms which is apparently only about 15-20% of cases. So the vast majority of people with genital herpes are completely unaware.

I don’t know a great deal about HPV though, does a cervical smear detect any form of it?

This is because the test for genital herpes requires taking a swab from an active lesion, so can only be done when you have symptoms. There isn’t a reliable test when you don’t have symptoms, so no, it isn’t part of a routine STI screen or check up.

Certain types of HPV are tested for on smear samples, but not the types which causes genital warts. Again, there is no swab or blood test for these types of HPV, so they are not tested on a routine check up either.

I agree this isn’t always made clear, which is why I don’t like the term “full” STI testing. People understandably want to be tested for “everything”, but it should be explained that we can only test you for everything that can be tested for based on your particular scenario, and then what tests that entails

WTF

You have to disclose to all partners regardless of current flare status.

@tinylittleyou you honestly believe that herpes causes genital warts?

You have no authority here, no authority at all.

🤦‍♀️

@Desperadoo oh no I was just pondering about the stds that aren’t as ‘straightforward’ as others and how herpes is similar in some senses- eg many many more people carry it unknowingly than those who are diagnosed. I am unfortunate enough to get oral cold sores quite often and always think how a great deal of the population are infected with the exact same virus but have never had a noticeable spot.

Isn’t FKA Twigs suing Shia La Beoff for giving her herpes?

Fucking disgusted in some of the responses here, absolutely dirty.

STI's themselves are not dirty, they're common but bloody unfortunate. But the folk saying they'd just have sex with a condom whilst not having a flare and not inform their sexual partner, when they're well aware they have a sexually transmitted disease is filthly. Baring in mind that HPV is disease that can KILL women.

It may well be a common disease, but it's not fucking harmless and you have zero right to risk someones health when you're aware you have a transmitable disease. It's a criminal fucking offense. Not to mention unscrupulous.

It is precisely attitudes like this, that contribute to the how widespread the disease are. Yes, there are many cases of people unknowingly having the disease, but knowingly not making sexual partners aware when you're aware you have something that is transmissable is selfish, perpetuating these diseases, and ultimately, can lead to the serious ill health or death of women.

And some of you are honestly saying you wouldn't tell a sexual partner? Despicable. So selfish I cannot even comprehend it.

And this is coming from someone who DOES have an STI, and it never, ever crossed my mind for a second to not tell my partner.

This is prosecutable under the Reckless Transmission: Section 20 Offences against the Person Act 1861. You can receive a 5 year prison sentence, and there has been UK convictions (as well there should).

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/intentional-or-reckless-sexual-transmission-infection?fbclid=IwAR3iiWCZyzTnXChnIr0jvIeW4HqwXJvZe4JUQzPc18PZA3E17I3AgWs_sCg

There is also the Intentional Transmission: Section 18 Offences against the Person Act 1861 - which carries much harsher pentalites.

BOTH come under Grievous bodily harm..

You're not going to catch the deadly form of HPV whilst wearing a condom.

The form of HPV that causes cervical cancer also does not cause genital warts.