Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guys sending each other porn?

51 replies

Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:30

Prepared to be shot down for not being cool wife about this. My partner this morning was like oh that'll be matt sending me some vidoes and opens phone can see on whatsap that he's been sent loads and he shows me some that are women getting there breasts or vaginas out.
I don't get it for reference my partner is his boss the guy who does it is in his 60s and honestly thought he was really lovely guy but just don't get it. Is it to wank too or for giggles. Just find it grotesque and my daughter also uses his phone so wouldn't want her to see this.

Any guys can explain. I just went ew and later said please don't show me that and he just said no worries.

I just don't like the idea that people share these videos to each other to laugh at. I guess I'm insecure but I think it's more than that it's just gross.but feel I have to be like yeah boys will be boys but it's given me the ick

OP posts:
Ncforthis1234567 · 04/02/2021 15:32

My ex was in a WhatsApp group and they shared filth. It’s immature IMO but horses for courses..

Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:33

Thanks for your response it was when I first woke up and was just in shock really.

OP posts:
123rd · 04/02/2021 15:36

Dh has one group where stupid things like that were shown. But as we have young kids who use our phones he has blocked the convo on what's app.
Just grim.

Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:44

Glad it's not just me. I think now that I ahev two girls I think deeper into this stuff and it just saddens me that's it's so normalised. You say anything and it's like you're the weird one. They looked like onlyfan sort of vidoes amature stuff where they probably trying make money from the vidoes wasn't like normal porn if that's a thing. Would be like hey this is me in a dress then she would show her bits really odd stuff weren't the typical porn star people just looked like regular women. Probably reading way too much into it

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:48

He only showed me 2 vids didn't ask to see them so God knows what else been sent. I'm sort of person though that cringes at sex scenes on TV can't cope with the male gaze naked scenes.

OP posts:
BeautifulStar · 04/02/2021 15:51

Would he like it if you and your friends were sending guys dick pics to one another? Or videos of them wanking?...

I probably be telling him to pack his bags if my dh was doing this...it’s not ok and no, you are not “insecure” you just have some standards - he obvs doesn’t!

Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:53

That's exactly what I was thinking. He has made out that he just recieves them but no one sends loads of vids all the time if they don't think the recipient would enjoy them surely? So now I'm like great I have a perv for a partner

OP posts:
2typesofjungle · 04/02/2021 15:54

Not a chance. None of my DHs friends send him porn and he doesn't send porn to his friends.
We are really open and honest with each other about porn, wanking, sex etc but I'd really not enjoy having a DH that sent or received porn around his mates.
I think it's very weird.

Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:55

He also every morning spends ages in the loo that I think he must be wanking and I know everyone entitled to do this but when he gets randomly horny I just feel used if that makes sense. He stood on a chair asking for a bj the other night out the blue we only have sex once month normally as have two small kids one being a baby and now I'm worried he's going to become porn obsessed and just don't need that to be my future

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:57

Yeah I just have the ick right now. I just feel I've seen this other side to him

OP posts:
WalkingMeAway · 04/02/2021 16:01

My H left a massive friendship WhatsApp group as no word of a lie there would be about 5 men who would constantly send porn. And the majority of it absolutely disgusting.
God knows how they got any work done.

He’s part of another hobby WhatsApp group and there are the odd same couple of guys who send stuff. H always deletes them in case the kids see. It’s only a few times a week but still. What is wrong with these men

Ncforthis1234567 · 04/02/2021 16:01

The ick is perfectly understandable.

It’s just what some men do. If you say something he’ll do it in secret. I‘m sorry I can’t be more help.

I disliked this aspect about my ex but it highlighted other „laddish“ behaviour and unfortunately I couldn’t ignore the cheating and constant sexual jokes...

It’s years in the past but I still feel 🤢

EarthSight · 04/02/2021 16:03

Grim. They're too close for comfort. Hope he doesn't have naked photos of you.

It feels quite immature to me, which is what's causing you to feel disgust. It's what I would expect teenage boys to do - send each other wank material alongside grotesque video clips and things like that.

Student133 · 04/02/2021 16:03

I'm a bloke, in my experience the ones who send stuff like that tend to be older blokes who do it 'for a laugh' presumably its a generational thing where its a novelty for them, don't know any younger guys that do it.

WouldstrokeTomHardy · 04/02/2021 16:04

Pretty pathetic behaviour for grown ass men. Poor you OP.

Student133 · 04/02/2021 16:05

They also send car crash compilations or stuff like that, so I think it's just like a sort of shock effect they find entertaining, don't get it personally.

AudTheDeepAndCrispAndEven · 04/02/2021 16:05

This is not acceptable to me. And if the stuff is truly grim, who's to say it's all legal? You could get into a lot of trouble just for receiving it. I would not be happy with a partner that participated in such disrespectful behaviour. But your update about his attitude to sex and your feelings about it and how you feel used reveal this is symptomatic of a much wider problem in your relationship.

AudTheDeepAndCrispAndEven · 04/02/2021 16:07

@student133 I think that it tends to be generational but also part of a background thing as well. Very unsophisticated and immature behaviour.

EarthSight · 04/02/2021 16:07

@BeautifulStar

Would he like it if you and your friends were sending guys dick pics to one another? Or videos of them wanking?...

I probably be telling him to pack his bags if my dh was doing this...it’s not ok and no, you are not “insecure” you just have some standards - he obvs doesn’t!

@BeautifulStar There's no point turning some things around. He would most likely say he wouldn't mind or he'd find it funny or hot. It's like when some men say 'I wish women would make lewd comments about me when I was walking down the street'!!!
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 04/02/2021 16:08

I'm in a group with a bunch of male friends and one of them got into the nasty habit of sending 'hilarious' porn clips, always horrible ones. I said in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to send shit like that it needed to be in a group I was not part of. We're not really friends now. He swapped from sending porn to sexist shit memes about women being out the kitchen, women footballers etc and I realised he didn't really like women very much! I loathe how this shit has been normalised and call it out every time I can, particularly if the hypocritical prick sending it has daughters.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 04/02/2021 16:12

So much "porn" is actually filmed abuse/violence/rape these days. And it won't always be obvious thanks to the victim being off her head on drink and/or drugs. The porn which isn't quite as awful is often produced by the same people.

People who consume porn may dismiss it as "each to their own" etc but actually that's bullshit. You are part of a supply chain (and maybe quite low down the chain but still a consumer) which is harming women RIGHT NOW.

HollowTalk · 04/02/2021 16:15

What on earth is the working relationship like between these guys when the junior guy is confident enough to send that sort of thing to his boss?

Does your partner work for himself or is he employed?

Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 16:16

Yeah he also said its the old guys that work for him not the young ones I say that he's 30.so it's not like he can block a group chat this is personal chats where he says work stuff and they send this too I guess. I was thinking maybe it's a shock thing I just don't like it. I said not to show me and he said no worries but don't know if I should say anything else. He would get defensive I imagine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 16:18

He works for himself but these are people that work for him. It's building kind of work so part of me is like it's the white van culture but I don't get it.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 04/02/2021 16:36

You definitely don't have to be 'ok' with this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread