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Original poster

Guys sending each other porn?

51 replies

Whattodotho · 04/02/2021 15:30

Prepared to be shot down for not being cool wife about this. My partner this morning was like oh that'll be matt sending me some vidoes and opens phone can see on whatsap that he's been sent loads and he shows me some that are women getting there breasts or vaginas out.
I don't get it for reference my partner is his boss the guy who does it is in his 60s and honestly thought he was really lovely guy but just don't get it. Is it to wank too or for giggles. Just find it grotesque and my daughter also uses his phone so wouldn't want her to see this.

Any guys can explain. I just went ew and later said please don't show me that and he just said no worries.

I just don't like the idea that people share these videos to each other to laugh at. I guess I'm insecure but I think it's more than that it's just gross.but feel I have to be like yeah boys will be boys but it's given me the ick

OP posts:
MechantGourmet · 04/02/2021 17:01

I've never had an employee that sent me porn. They would be an ex-employee if they did!

ScabbyHorse · 04/02/2021 17:16

Porn is entertainment for men. So it amuses them and it's seen as funny. They probably don't see anything wrong with it. That's not to say there ISN'T anything wrong with it.

Student133 · 04/02/2021 17:18

Yeah I worked in warehouses where the older blokes did it, they barely understand how smartphones work, so your husband will have a job explaining the nuanced (and correct) reasons you can't do it. His best bet would just be a ban on sharing anything explicit in group chats etc.

Student133 · 04/02/2021 17:22

As scabby horse said, in the eyes of older blokes, who've never had any sort of HR department in the industry, probably think 'porn' is magazines and stuff. I can almost guarantee you they'll also send loads of other mental videos they find on the Internet, and think of it as something the lads will find funny.

Onthedunes · 04/02/2021 17:56

Be careful, some of these men actively send reems of wank fodder, wifes disaprove, delete or ignor.
Many men hide some personal pictures of what they are up to inplain sight, if you know what I mean , they get lost in a sea of porn.

It can be an excuse to hide what they doing. Sad

PandaVie · 04/02/2021 18:31

Shot down? Not a “cool” wife?

Well I just be living on a different planet.

Who are these men?

Why does Mumsnet seem full of women asking if it’s ok their partners use webcams? And now their men sending each other porn? Have women been completely brainwashed to accept this as normal behaviour? To be the cool girlfriend?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 04/02/2021 18:35

@ScabbyHorse

Porn is entertainment for men. So it amuses them and it's seen as funny. They probably don't see anything wrong with it. That's not to say there ISN'T anything wrong with it.
Any man who doesn't see what's wrong is either pretty thick, dislikes women or that dreamy combination of both Confused
PandaVie · 04/02/2021 18:36

Porn is a joke. Abuse is a joke. Sex is a joke. Women are a joke. You are a joke. I feel sorry for the women stuck with these unpleasant sounding idiots.

Zerrin13 · 04/02/2021 21:39

Point in my opinion is utterly vile.

bloodyhairy · 05/02/2021 00:16

Grown men sending porn to each other is pathetic, puerile and disgusting.
YANBU.
However, sex once a month will be the death knell to your relationship anyway. Sorry, but it's true.

FifteenToes · 05/02/2021 00:46

I'm a man and I've never had anyone send me porn, or sent any to anyone.

I don't really understand that whole thing. I agree it's probably just a childish shock value thing.

My biggest concern would be with your children using the same phone.

Countingthebeat · 05/02/2021 00:54

@BrilliantBetty

You definitely don't have to be 'ok' with this.
This .

Absolutely no reason you should feel obliged to just put up with this crap

LalalalalalaLand123 · 05/02/2021 00:57

Disgusting and misogynistic to me, and I would not be/stay with a man who did this sort of thing or accepted it.

JamesMcAvoyswife · 05/02/2021 02:15

My ex’s friends used to send him porn on a WhatsApp chat, after asking him why he wants to watch porn alongside other men he deleted them straight away!

Countingthebeat · 05/02/2021 02:58

@JamesMcAvoyswife

My ex’s friends used to send him porn on a WhatsApp chat, after asking him why he wants to watch porn alongside other men he deleted them straight away!
Lol yes perhaps they were trying to hide some Homo erotic fantasies about one another and reinforce the fact ‘ hey we like women , see! ‘ ‘strange mix of mysogyny and closeting
WhipperSnapperSteve · 05/02/2021 03:30

Bloke in my 40s. This stuff is everywhere, a patriarchal "right", 🤮🤮🤮, and men are expected to conform coz "what's the harm". Never have, never will. Hate this misogynistic bullshit, and it's often laced with other bigotry agenda.

WhipperSnapperSteve · 05/02/2021 03:30

My field is tech, fwiw.

pigmoon · 05/02/2021 03:34

My DH is in a small WhatsApp group where his friend oldest guy is nearly 50 that sends all this filthy disgusting videos DH deletes them and I've seen messages of him replying stop sending crap. The weird thing is, I'm really close friends with this blokes wife and it makes me uncomfortable when they invite us over. I wear the baggiest clothes ever that covers me neck to toe. It makes me want to throw up even thinking about him with those videos.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 05/02/2021 03:53

Do not feel you have to go along with the ‘boys will be boys’

You are married to a man. He can tell them to stop. And he can communicate with them by email for work matters.

If I sent anything questionable to my manager, I’d have my jotters by the end of the day.

He needs to grow some. Say no. But I suspect he is more than happy with the arrangement.

Standing on chairs to be serviced by god.

He ain’t a prince among men OP.

AndIquote · 05/02/2021 03:55

Same men who back in the day would pass each other porn videos at work often nicked from their Dads stash.
One would drive miles and pay a fortune to get his Sky card unscrambled in some back street shop so he could race back and have a lads porn night which included his brother, then when his son was old enough he joined in too.

PeggyHill · 05/02/2021 04:03

Just asked my husband about this. He said it's fairly normal between teenagers but then you grow out of it.

It seems shockingly immature for a middle-aged man to be doing this. I would find that embarrassingly pathetic.

Do they wank together as well? Envy

Weirdfan · 05/02/2021 10:27

I'd have a really honest conversation with your DH OP and tell him it gives you the ick that he's ok with being sent this stuff. Tell him it makes him seem immature and pervy to you and that you're worried it's going to kill your attraction to him. I often wonder what would happen if more women did this, told the brutal truth about how we feel about and view sleazy men and how pathetic and unattractive it makes them to us? I'd be making it very clear to him if I was you OP, don't hide the fact that it's coloured your opinion of him and let him worry about how to fix the fact that you can't quite look at him in the same way.

YRGAM · 06/02/2021 12:31

Some men do, some men don't. But I think it's changing with time. None of my male friends in about 5 separate friendship groups (I am a man) have ever done it, and it would be highly unusual were it to happen. But the question isn't whether it's normal, it's whether you are comfortable with it

funnylittlefloozie · 06/02/2021 13:26

Tell him to beware. He has no way of knowing how old the people in these videos are. Men have been sent to prison and put on the sex offender register for receiving and forwarding videos that turn out to feature children.

When it comes to sexual acts in video and pictures, everyone has to be over 18. Is your DH really truly certain that everyone in the random videos he's receiving is over-age?

itsallpointless · 06/02/2021 18:04

My ex was part of a golf WhatsApp group, a fair few vile videos/images. The average age 55..he reckoned he never sent any (but he was a compulsive liarHmm) honestly they are so bloody juvenile and immature...

get a group of fifty something blokes together and it's 'bullshit corner'