Boyfriend lied about doctors appointment

[allthetrees]

So I've needed to see a doctor all week, I have terrible phone anxiety which is why I've put off calling but I was going to do it yesterday.
I spoke to my boyfriend about it. (Just for comfort and reassurance more than anything) and he said he thinks it's a good idea and encouraged me.
Half hour later I say I'm popping out to make the phone call as I find it easier to speak on the phone outside, and he says that he's made the appointment for me and that it was at 10.15 today. I didn't even know he could make appointments for me but I trusted him and thanked him for helping me out.

Anyway, today I wake up around half 8 and anxious as ever (seeing a doctor about anxiety when you have anxiety is never fun) and he comes down and says We need to talk, I explain obviously it has to be quick as I need to get ready. He starts to panic and say how difficult this is for him. I'm so confused at this point but kinda get the message that the only thing he could want to talk about is the doctors. I say 'whatever it is, if it's about the doctors I need to go soon so just let me know' and he flips. He says that I never let him speak, he starts getting frustrated and saying 'this is so stupid' over and over under his breath. He gets mad and storms upstairs, and we're now having a petty text conversation because he refuses to speak to me face to face. He's 26 ffs.

He text me saying my appointment is tomorrow not today, and that he just made the mistake because he was tired, but in my head that's a pretty difficult mistake to make? Surely 'tomorrow' and 'in two days time' are very different things?
I don't even know why hed say this, my absolute gut feeling is that he's lying, the only way I can check is to ring the doctors but that's so embarrassing. And now I'm nervous I'm going to get turned away at the doctors tomorrow because the appointment isn't even a thing.

The only other time he did this was when he lied about taking our baby daughters sign up forms to the doctors while I was unwell. Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

This man only cares about his own self, not you and not your child either. He's 26 and an adult supposedly. What you have yourself here is an abusive manchild.

Why are you with him at all?. He is abusive towards you and is making your underlying anxiety worse. This relationship should be over in any event. He lies to you to avoid getting into trouble; that is another extremely worrying part of his character. You never know where you are with him.

You are assuming that he has lied to you but unless you are able to find the strength to check with the surgery then you wont know for sure until tomorrow.

It could just be a genuine mistake, getting dates muddled happens.

As someone who spent years virtually crippled with social anxiety I understand how distressing this is but looking at it rationally from the outside its possible that you are overthinking this.

It sounds like you are blowing this out of proportion.

I’m confused about this; why would he tell you he’d made an appointment if he hadn’t other than to basically make your anxiety worse? And if he did make the appointment in the wrong day then why is making such a big deal out of it. Additionally unless you need to be physically checked then most appointments are over the phone at the moment.
Firstly you really need to phone the doctors to find out if you have an appointment; if you do then great and talk to him about what was going on. If you don’t then you need to look at his behaviour and what it’s doing to your mental health.

You won’t use a phone, he pretends to use a phone and you can’t even discuss it and end up texting each other while you’re in the same house. Yet you’re old enough to have a child together

I think you're getting a bit worked up about nothing tbh. It all sounds very petty and immature on both sides.

You need to call the doctor to check - even if it is hard. It is going to feel a bigger and bigger issue, with more unknowns the longer you leave it. If he lied about making an appointment at all, that is totally different than if he got the day wrong.

Write a script and just reel it off, don't ask if there is an appointment at all if that's embarrassing for you. Say "Hi, I was having a bad day yesterday and my partner made me an appointment, he forgot to ask if it is phone or in person and I was wondering if I could check the details with you?"

If he got the day wrong, he might not be coping very well either and stressed about making you worse. If he hasn't made the appointment, you need to make it at the end of your phone call and try to talk calmly to him when neither of you are worked up into a state. It doesn't sound like there is anyone really coping here, him or you. I don't think his behaviour sounds that different to yours: avoidant, making a huge issue out of a tiny thing, turning our frustration on our closest person to distract from the real issue. It shouldn't be easier to be angry at our partner than to call a receptionist - you both know that. You know you need to see someone about it, but it's possible he does too. He could have lied just to try and draw a line under talking about the phone call endlessly. On the other hand, his lying could be causing you anxiety. There is no way to know if you don't break this cycle and get some facts.

Do it now, then take 5 minutes to yourself to try and get your thought together. Good luck.

@KevinTheBird

You won’t use a phone, he pretends to use a phone and you can’t even discuss it and end up texting each other while you’re in the same house. Yet you’re old enough to have a child together

This. Its a phone call. Better than turning up at the wrong time on the wrong day because of your dickhead boyfriend. He is being a twat but you are overwrought over nothing. Arguing by text in the same house?? Are you both 13?

Write down what you need to say. I suggest

'Hello please can I check if I have an appointment booked in with the doctor? My name is xxxxx'

Then call them and get it done. You will feel so relieved when you have done it.

@Sparkletastic

Write down what you need to say. I suggest

'Hello please can I check if I have an appointment booked in with the doctor? My name is xxxxx'

Then call them and get it done. You will feel so relieved when you have done it.

Yes, it doesn't need to be embarrassing. Then if they say no you ask to make an appointment.

Problem solved.

Your relationship doesn't sound healthy at all.
He pretended to make you a doctors appointment ffs.

Does your GP surgery not have a website? In ours we can book online but even then you get a phone appointment.

The only other time he did this was when he lied about taking our baby daughters sign up forms to the doctors while I was unwell. Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct.
So he did take the form in, but it wasn't processed due to the mistake, which he presumably didn't know about? He thought he'd done the job?

Phone up and ask to make an appointment. They will tell you if you already have one.

You need to get help for your phone call phobia. You will need to make calls about your child many times as she grows up.

I’m viewing this completely differently and I suffer from anxiety for years so I’m talking from some experience. Thankfully I have had help with this so also talking from perhaps a stand point of how you may be down the line.

Please get this help from your go, get some counselling. Work in your communication

Please understand that He did a nice thing for you in making your GP appointment. People do make mistakes on keeping track of days, especially now with covid when nothing is normal. So he’s not lied. Lying is a deliberate act to mislead someone. Do you really think that was his intention?

Do you know that You could also use the gp service on line to sign up for appointments yourself if you’re too anxious to talk on the phone? You also then can opt to provide your mobile number abd you’ll get a text to confirm the booking and then a reminder text. Please think about taking on some of your own responsibilities and realise he’s trying to help you

You may consider asking the GO for some mental health referrals to deal not only with your anxiety but your relationship, how to communicate effectively. Seems as though you’ve spiralled into a destructive cycle of talking over him and brung very negative, calling him a liar for simple mistakes

With the sign up form, from your story, you say he took it there but there was an error on the form that needed to be fixed. So he did take it there. He didn’t lie. There was more to the story. Perhaps he’s also now a bit afraid of you.

I’m going to look for a work book I used with my therapist and then link back here. You may find it useful. Sometimes changing how we deal with our own anxiety and how we express that can make changes in how others interact with us. This book was very helpful and is available on Amazon

This is the book. In addition to reading, There are work sheets to do. Really was instrumental in helping anxiety and then the relationship communication issues that stem from that. Learning how to say something to your partner in a different way really can change things as well as how they interact with you.

I can't actually see how he has lied.
You have to know you have done something to lie?
He sounds mistaken. Maybe he's stressed himself. Give the man a break. He's trying to help you but he won't get it right all the time.

I’ve called loads of times to confirm doctors appointments that I’ve forgotten the time of - I promise you that the receptionist won’t care. Appreciate the anxiety is feeding your feelings but just thought I’d put it out there.

Odd behaviour indeed from your boyfriend.

Just ring and ask them to confirm the date and time as you've forgotten, I've done it loads of times and they never mind!

Are you getting any help for your phone anxiety? It must be really difficult to manage life without being able to speak on the phone, even more so with a baby!

Good luck

@AttilaTheMeerkat

This man only cares about his own self, not you and not your child either. He's 26 and an adult supposedly. What you have yourself here is an abusive manchild.

Why are you with him at all?. He is abusive towards you and is making your underlying anxiety worse. This relationship should be over in any event. He lies to you to avoid getting into trouble; that is another extremely worrying part of his character. You never know where you are with him.

He made an appointment for her - it's perfectly possible to make a mistake.

Obviously, we don't know the ins and outs exactly because we are just getting a one sided picture from someone who admits to having anxiety which can cloud the way you see things.

But your comment is simply a man hating one based on nothing.

He didn't lie, he got the day wrong (atm in lockdown I get days wrong all the time it's like bloody Groundhog Day!) He was being supportive making the appointment in the first place.

You have completely overreacted and texting each other instead of talking is also very weird. You both sound very immature. You really both need to stop being so silly this is a non-issue.

Just phone the doctors surgery and say: 'good morning, an appointment has made for me and I just want to confirm I have the correct time & day please, it's allthetrees and the appointment is for 10.15 tomorrow' ?

Also ignore the first poster calling him an abusive liar and telling you to leave him immediately! Lol! That is some posters' response to every single relationship problem no matter how big or small and is quite amusing but also a little sad.

It is not man hating to point out that he lied about this in order for him to get out of trouble. His behaviour towards the OP now that he has been caught out on another lie is appalling. Again not man hating to point that out. Relationships as well are supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel worse.

And I did not tell her to immediately leave him either. The words leave him are not at all mentioned, you basically took from my post what you wanted to read.

There's no evidence that he's lied at all, though, so far. It sounds like he just got the day wrong.
If she really does turn out not to have an appointment, then of course it would apply.

I'm not so sure this is a lie. During Lockdown have you ever made a mistake with the days and felt like a Tuesday feels like a Wednesday? Obviously this affects what tomorrow means.